“We have?”
“Then I shall never suffer hearing you call me ‘Your Grace’ again as if we are strangers.”
Marina smiled. “Of course,Duke Hayward.What is it that you wanted to discuss?”
“There are two matters, really.”
“All right, then. What is the first?”
“I will be leaving for Paris at the end of the week.”
Marina’s eyes widened, and she felt as though her heart had stilled in her chest. She pressed her fist against her chest, as if she could coax it into beating again. “But… Phillip, I thought that... after this morning…”
“My journey has nothing to do with what I told you before. I said most of what I did in anger. I was not being dishonest—that truly was my intention when we were first engaged though it changed very quickly after we were wed. I did not plan to leave you for my own sake but for yours. I truly thought that your happiness would come to depend on my absence.”
“If not for that, then why?”
“I still have some business to attend to there. My father did not support me financially before he died, and my uncle endorsed my schooling, but as soon as I was able, I began to work. I did not want him to be my benefactor all his life, nor did I wish to rely on him blindly. I would like you to come with me. I would like…I would like you to consider, while we are there, making Paris our holiday home. In particular, once your siblings havemarried. If we go, and you do not like it at all, then I will take it off the table. But if we go, and you see for yourself what it is that I adore, then?—”
“I would like to go. I am touched that you want to show me the place that you love so deeply.” Marina would have been inclined to say no if it weren’t for his consideration of her siblings. Plus, she thought she may be able to remind him of this trip later when she very much wanted him to attend a ball with her, and he felt inclined to stay home.
“Thank you, Marina. You cannot know how it pleases me to hear you say so. I will speak with Mathilde first thing in the morning to begin the preparations.”
“What was the other matter you wished to speak to me about?”
The glow that had appeared upon Phillip’s proud cheeks when Marina agreed to go with him to Paris disappeared as quickly as it had come. She frowned, now expecting the worst.
“I…Have you given much thought to the growth of our family?”
Marina’s eyes widened, and her cheeks flushed crimson, forcing her to look away from him. She could all but feel the amusement in his gaze. “To be quite honest with you, Duke Hayward, I have not.” Children had, of course, come up in conversation when she spoke with Olivia or Kathrin about marriage back when it was still an abstract idea. Marina had always imagined herself having one or two children, of course. Her maternal instinct was strong, but she had already raised her first three babies. But then shehad grown older, and she had resigned herself to a future as a spinster, and she had forgotten all about the fantasy of becoming a mother.
“I have,” Phillip said quietly, watching her carefully as she at last turned back to look upon him.
“And what have you concluded?”
“I am not inclined to believe that I would make a very agreeable father. I have never had a good example of one in my life—not until your family welcomed me to theirs, and I believe it was too late by then.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Is fear the only thing that keeps you from wanting children one day, or is there something else? All mothers and fathers are afraid that they will do something wrong before they become parents. They merely do so anyway and learn as they go.”
“It is the primary reason.”
“What are the others?”
“I do not believe that children will make me happy. I believe that I will constantly be made to feel like an inadequate father andpartner. My work is demanding and will only grow more so now that I have become the duke.”
“Then you will be no less or no more than other wealthy fathers in society. You will compensate for your absence with a governess and trust that I will raise our children well.”
“Is that what you want?”
“It matters not what I want, Duke Hayward. If one of us has even a bit of doubt about wanting children, then we shall not have children. I am merely…inquisitive. I suppose I want to know if this is how you feel now or if you believe at all that you might change your mind one day.”
“No. I am firm in my stance.”
“Then I am quite fulfilled with the time I’ve spent raising my younger siblings. I will have more of me to pour into them as they continue to grow.”
