Joanna looked up, her eyes meeting his. Kenneth saw his reflection in them, and as they danced, the world around them blurred.
“We are good at pretending,” she murmured, her voice thick as if she, too, had the same thoughts. “Very good, indeed. Perhaps it is because we genuinely…” Her cheeks reddened.
Kenneth felt a strange mix of surprise and turmoil. She hadn’t said it out loud, but the words she’d meant to say rang loudly nonetheless. She felt what he felt.
They were both breaking the most crucial rule of their arrangement. This was a disaster. He could not fall in love, norcould he allow her to fall in love with him. This pact they’d made was strictly to help them reach their goals—he wanted his freedom, and she wanted to either find a husband of her own choosing or ruin her marriage prospects.
Kenneth didn’t want to like Joanna. He certainly didn’t want to love her. These walls he’d built around his heart all his life could not crumble. He’d sworn to himself never to marry, as his parents’ example had forever scarred him. What was more, he hadn’t wanted to allow himself to care about another person. It was bad enough that he felt as close as he did to Leonard.
He’d often fretted over the possibility of something terrible befalling Leonard or even his mother—the only to people he truly had affection for. But giving his heart to another and losing them? The pain and guilt over Edward’s death had been his constant companions, and the fear of going through such horrific pain again was unimaginable.
Yes, sometimes he thought if his parents had had a fairytale marriage, he’d likely still want to avoid such an arrangement out of fear.
Naked vulnerability washed over him, and he realized what he had to do—withdraw.
“Perhaps we could find some lemonade. I hope it is not watered down, as usual,” Joanna offered.
Kennet glanced at her and then away. “I am not thirsty,” he replied.
“Oh. Well, how about something to eat? You did promise you’d bring snacks for us,” she said with a smile.
He had indeed brought in a small satchel of sweetmeats from McGinty’s, but there was no way he could share them with her now. He had to stay away.
“I am afraid I will have to return to my friend’s side when this dance ends,” he replied stiffly, feeling her hold on him loosen as she understood that something had changed between them.
“Oh, I see,” she mumbled, defeated.
They spun around the dancefloor again, but when the music ended, Kenneth did the only thing he could. He bowed and then, without offering further explanation, left Joanna standing on the dancefloor, her earlier enthusiasm replaced by bewilderment.
In the dimly lit ballroom, where candlelight cast flickering shadows, Kenneth retreated to the periphery. Leonard opened his mouth as soon as he saw him approach, but Kenneth had no time for him. He’d told Joanna he had to speak to his friend, but that had been a lie, of course. The truth was, he had to get away from her, from Leonard—from it all.
Kenneth exited the ballroom and rushed into a small corner where refreshments were being served. However, the space was deserted, and as soon as he saw the dry cake and lemonade, he dropped his head into his hands.
What had become of his life? How had he allowed things to become so complicated?
He shook his head and tugged at his hair, knowing he had to put an end to this charade. He had to tell Joanna that he could no longer pretend, for he knew if he continued, he’d only lose his heart to her. And that, he knew, would end in disaster.
CHAPTER 15
Joanna stumbled off the dancefloor, her heart pounding.
What happened? Why is he so distant? Have I said something wrong?
They’d had a perfectly enjoyable conversation, and he’d seemed to like being with her as much as she did like being with him. Yet, he’d changed suddenly. Why? Was it because she’d implied they might be more than just a fake couple?
Joanna’s thoughts raced. Kenneth Stratford had to be the most irritating man she’d ever encountered in her life. However, he was also mesmerizing, handsome, and kind-hearted.
His behavior at dinner had already startled her enough, but she’d sensed more between them then, and the same feeling had surfaced again while they had danced. Had she been completely wrong in her assumption? Had she made a cake of herself in front of him?
“Jo!” Sally called, waving at her from a seat at one of the round tables by the dancefloor.
There were never many tables in Almack’s, and the few to be found were always occupied by the chaperones, who were there to keep an eye on the dancing couples. Yet, somehow, Sally managed to find a seat.
“Lady Hazeltine gave up her seats to me because she saw me limping in the Royal Menagerie the other day. So, she volunteered hers and her daughter’s seats. Although, I think she took it as a sign that it was time to get her daughter dancing again.” Sally winked and nodded her chin toward Lady Hazeltine, who was standing on the edge of the dancefloor and watching her daughter glide over the smudged chalk paintings on the hardwood floor.
“Very convenient. But pray, I thought you said you could dance again tonight,” Joanna teased as she sat down.
“Do you wish to sit or not, Jo?” Sally fired back.
