“I’ve taken it seriously from the very start!” Esther cried. The unfairness of the situation threatened to overwhelm her. “How can you accuse me of not taking it seriously? What more should I have done, Mother? When I went to London, I immediately gained the attention of the highest-ranking gentleman I encountered. It took me one evening to win him over, and then he came to ask for permission to court me. What did I do wrong?”
There was a challenge in her voice, a defiance that she had never heard there before. Perhaps her mother was taken aback by it, too, because she opened her mouth to respond but said nothing.
“There was no gentleman more preferable than the Duke of Hallowbinder,” Esther went on. “He was exactly who you wanted me to marry. And he was on the verge of asking me. He had confessed his feelings for me, Mother.”
She wanted to go on, to tell her mother that she had confessed her feelings for Hugh in return. She wanted to share how powerful that moment had been for her.
But her mother wouldn’t care about that. She didn’t care about Esther’s feelings. She only cared about results.
“I’ll tell you what I think,” Esther said. “I think if Aunt Tabitha had not deliberately stepped in to ruin everything, the Duke would be sitting beside me right now and asking for my hand. Aunt Tabitha is the one you should be angry with. Notme.”
“Oh you can certainly believe that your father will have words for her as well,” her mother said. “But that doesn’t mean that we’re going to overlook your negligence, Esther.”
“What negligence?” Esther demanded. “I’ve donenothingto deserve this kind of reprimand.”
“The fact remains that your courtship with the Duke is at an end,” her mother said. “Is it not so?”
“Yes,” Esther said. “But as I told you, that’s only because—”
Her mother held up a hand. “I don’t want to hear any excuses,” she said. “You can give me a dozen reasons, I’m sure. And many of them might be true. But you are ultimately in control of your own fate, Esther. You went to London knowing that you had a job to do, and you failed to accomplish it. You failed your father. You failed me. And you failed your little sister most of all.”
Esther’s eyes filled with tears.
In part, she felt sorry for herself. She had so hoped that when her mother understood what would happen, she would finally sympathize with Esther. It would have been such a relief to have someone on her side, to feel as if her mother actually cared for her.
But no. Her mother seemed only to be concerned about what had been lost. It was as if she, and not Esther, had seen her entire future slip through her fingers.
It was as if she was the one who had had her heart broken.
“Return to your room, Esther,” she said quietly. “I don’t want to see you again today.”
Esther got to her feet and made her way quietly out of the dining room, up the stairs, and to her room.
It had been a relief to see that Caroline still loved her. But Esther imagined that wouldn’t last long. Her mother would likely keep her away from her sister and fill her sister’s mind with poisonous thoughts, until Caroline came to resent Esther just as much as their parents already did.
She would have no one. No one in the world.
And even though she knew this was Aunt Tabitha’s fault, she couldn’t help feeling as though, deep down, she was to blame.
If only I could talk to Hugh one more time. If only I could make him see the truth.
But he had walked away from her. And Esther knew the two of them would never speak again.
There’s no point hoping for what can never be. I’ll only hurt myself more by refusing to let go.
Chapter 32
“My Lady?”
Eugenia turned away from the window. She had been standing there for what felt like hours, staring down at the path outside Harcourt Manor. Though it had been two days now since her cousin’s departure, she imagined she could still see Esther glaring up at her from below.
She hates me.
Yes, she did. And Eugenia couldn’t blame her a bit.
Esther had been kind to Eugenia ever since her arrival in London. She had gone out of her way to include Eugenia in everything she did. And how had Eugenia repaid her?
I betrayed her trust. I would despise me, too, if I were her.
