“I do not know what to say.”
He winked at her. “There is no cause for alarm. He is my best friend, so of course he told me. Although I will say I knew it before even he realized it. Please, speak freely. I will never share what you tell me with anyone unless you allow it.”
“You are right. He told me he wanted to court me. But I had to put an end to it all. These past few days have been vexing and Lord Cragshade – he was rather bosky, I should say – he said things that highly concerned me, regarding Lord Rotham’s future, should he choose to pursue our friendship.”
He pushed his hands into the pockets of his breeches and leaned forward.
“What, if I may ask, did he say? Cragshade, I mean.”
Ruth sighed, resigned to having to tell the young man the entire story. She did so, leaving out only the most intimate of details to save herself from embarrassment. When she was done, Lord Bronwyn tilted his head back and let out a loud groan.
“Ah, Cragshade, that louse. Do not listen to anything he says. He is a saucebox.”
“You think he was wrong in his assessment? The idea that the Duke might take away Lord Rotham’s inheritance on my account has troubled me all night long.”
“Trust me, he would never. Kenneth is the apple of the Duke’s eye. Always has been. Besides, even if he did, your father is a wealthy man, is he not?”
She nodded; her lips pressed together.
“I do not know your father well, but he has a reputation of being a kind fellow. Even if the Duke would take away the lands not in entailment, Kenneth would still inherit the title. And with your father’s assistance, you would both still be living well. Thus, making Cragshade’s argument moot.”
She nodded but did not look up at him. Another matter worried her. Lord Cragshade’s terrible comment about her fertility sat in her stomach like a rock. She’d never thought about having children, on account of the small possibility of even finding a husband. Now that he’d spoken the words out loud, they echoed in her mind.
What if he is right? What if I am barren? I was treated with so many medications, so many treatments, who knows what they might have done to me. Perhaps he is right, nature would not allow someone like me to have a child. Even if we are allowed to be together, I may not be able to give him an heir.
“Lord Cragshade questioned my ability to provide an heir.” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop herself. Her cheeks burned as she spoke them, and she was unable to look the young man in the eyes. If he ever repeated this conversation to anyone, she’d simply die of mortification.
“No couple can ever know if they will be able to have a child. My parents were blessed with many, although I am the only son. My uncle and his wife never had any children at all, and even the Duchess of Goldclaw has lost many a child. What matters is this; Lady Ruth, I can see from your demeanor what my friend feels for you is mirrored within your heart. And while I am not a great believer in love, Kenneth has always wanted to marry for more than convenience.”
“Even if it will tear apart his family? The Duchess…”
A deep sigh escaped his lips. “The Duchess cares only about appearances. What society thinks, what is fashionable, acceptable, and popular. I will not tell you Banbury tales to make you feel better. With a scar such as yours, there will always be people who will judge you. Fools who will act like Cragshade. The Duchess will certainly be among them. I hold no hopes she will ever see anything other than what meets the eye, not even in the woman her son so dearly loves. As for the Duke. Eventually, I am certain his desire to ensure his son’s happiness will prevail.”
It had to be said, Lord Bronwyn was a smooth talker. She could see him standing in the House of Lords, persuading all of his fellow peers to see things his way. He had the kind of sway about him, a conviction that made you see the world as he sees it.
“I fear I have deeply wounded him with my words and my sudden departure. Even if I wanted to speak to him again and confess how I feel, I do not know that he’d listen.”
“I am sure he would forgive you. Kenneth is a man who feels things deeply, but he’s also a man who will forgive with ease. The question you must ask yourself is do you want his forgiveness? For the way I see it, if you choose to show him the cold shoulder, he will not attempt to persuade you. Not when he has already laid his heart on the line.”
She dropped her head, looking at the forest floor.
“I want what is best for him. And I am sure it is not me. I wish I had not come here, then he would have married my sister. She is angry with me that I caught Kenneth’s eye, but she is a kind, beautiful creature. He would have grown to love her.”
“Never. Kenneth told me he has not a thing in common with her and that would not have been any different had you not been here. He will never marry a person he does not love.”
“So, my leaving would not change his mind.”
“It would not. If Kenneth cannot marry you, because you chose to give in to the pressure, he will not marry anyone. And then Lord Cragshade’s biggest desire will come true.”
Ruth could no longer stand upright. She walked to a tree stump and seated herself upon it, her elbows resting on her knees.
“What am I to do?”
He squatted beside her and scratched his chin. “Return to Goldclaw Manor by way of my carriage and ponder what it is you desire. And then act on that decision.” He stopped and blinked before adding another thought. “I am under the impression you already know what it is you want.”
She looked at him for a long moment and rose. “I suppose you are right. It is just that no matter what I do, someone I care for will suffer.”
“Such is life, Lady Ruth. We can never please everyone, nor should we have to.” He motioned for her to walk ahead of him and she did.
