That nervousness tripled the rate of her heartbeat the moment she walked into the dining room and saw that William and the others were already gathered. Alice and Emma made their way to their seats, Alice not taking her eyes off William for a second. He didn’t look her way. He was engaged in conversation with Lord Christopher who was glancing back and forth between William and Alice as if he sensed the awkwardness between them.
Her father, however, seemed blissfully unaware and he sparked up conversation with ease. Alice began to relax when she saw that William was in a far more conversational mood than he had been last night. But that meant she could not bring herself to join in, not wanting to be left unanswered if she said anything to him. So she kept her silence, stealing discreet glances at him whenever she could. Not once did William acknowledge her presence.
Have I truly upset him that much? How is it that he has not looked at me once when before he would not take his eyes off me for a second?
Alice never thought she would miss the way he would stare at her, or the way he would give her a private smile when she spoke as if they shared some secret. This coldness from him was…well, she imagined it was a lot like what he felt from her when they’d just met. Alice didn’t like that at all. Her guilt dug deeper.
Breakfast passed rather comfortably, all things considered. As it drew to an end, Alice readied herself to corner William as soon as she found her chance, not wanting him to leave before she could.
“Christopher?” William spoke up as they were all preparing to leave. Lord Christopher met his brother’s eyes and nodded, a silent conversation passing between them.
William rose and Alice saw her chance about to slip away. She knew she couldn’t leave immediately with him and so she forced herself to stay still as he and his brother said their polite farewells to everyone else at the table and began to leave. Once they were through the door, Alice said, “If you would excuse me.”
Her father and sister were already preparing to leave as well, but Alice didn’t want them to catch her hurrying after William and so she took her leave first. The moment she slipped out the door, she caught sight of William and Lord Christopher’s retreating back. Without stopping to think, she picked up her skirt and hurried after them.
“Lord Erlington,” she called breathlessly, once she was close enough so that she wouldn’t have to shout.
They both stopped and Lord Christopher was the one to turn first, looking a little surprised.
“I would like to speak with Lord Erlington alone,” Alice told him, not taking her eyes off William. He hadn’t turned to face her fully. “It will only take a moment.”
Alice hoped Lord Christopher wouldn’t object. She could tell he was a proper man, one who followed social rules as much as his brother liked to break them. But he only nodded and continued on.
“What is it?” William asked, his voice low.
Alice suddenly felt nervous. Which was odd. She’d never felt nervous around him before. Fluttering insides, a pounding heart, but never true nervousness. Her mind went blank and she couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Also, something quite odd.
William looked at her, raising a brow. “Yes?” he probed.
“A…ah.” Alice blinked and looked away, hoping her cheeks weren’t reddening in her embarrassment. “There was something I needed to say to you but I’m afraid I haven’t found the exact words yet.”
“Then I may go along my way?”
His curtness sliced through her like a sharp knife. “Yes,” she answered slowly. “Once you agree to me meet with me tonight, in the library.” Realizing how forceful she was sounding once again, she tried to soften her tone. “Please. I truly need to speak with you.”
William searched her face for a while, not saying anything. For the first time since they’d met, she couldn’t read his expression, couldn’t grasp what he might be thinking. But then he nodded. “Very well, then. Tonight.”
“Thank you,” she breathed, letting go of the breath she’d been holding. She hadn’t realized until that moment that she’d been utterly terrified to hear him say now. “I won’t keep you any longer. Your Brother must be waiting.”
William didn’t turn away immediately. He stared at her for a moment longer, an undecipherable emotion passing behind his eyes. Then, he turned on his heels and walked away. Alice watched, once again, as his retreating form grew farther away until he disappeared around a corner.
Tonight, she repeated in her head, turning in the opposite direction.That should give me more than enough time to think of what I should say.
She wasn’t used to apologizing, mainly because she usually had no reason to. But ever since William came here, her peaceful and mundane routine had been disrupted. Now, she was giving bits of herself to a man when she’d vowed that she never would.
Chapter 14
William and Lord Christopher did not return to the Manor until late in the afternoon. Alice spent her entire day in the library, desperately needing the distraction yet finding that she could not focus on anything but William. Nothing served to take her mind away from the memory of his serious countenance, nor off the fact that he’d spent all day away from the Manor. Alice wished she could simply forget he existed for a while.
But dinnertime had rolled around and her focus was inexplicably drawn back to William as she once again sat in silence and wished he would stop being so cold and silent. She’d told herself to be patient, to wait until it was time for them to meet and they would finally be able to fix this. But patience had never been one of her best virtues.
Nonetheless, Alice managed it, waiting until the Manor had fallen asleep before she left her bedchamber. In her nightdress and robe, her black hair falling down her back, Alice made her way to the library, trying to calm her racing heart. She lit a few candles inside and waited, her impatience rearing its ugly head once more.
Soon she took to pacing. She played with a few tufts of her hair, braiding then unbraiding it in the hopes that it would distract her. She walked the length of the room and back several times while she recited poetry to herself. She kept her eyes on the door.
It felt like hours had passed since she’d come here to wait for him and Alice was beginning to think he wouldn’t show. A mixture of anger and disappointment lanced her at once, frustrated tears springing to her eyes.
How am I going to apologize properly if he does not at least give me the chance? How unfair of him.
