Chapter 29
It cannot be,canit?
Annabelle panicked and she snapped her head back around until she was facing forward towards where she needed to go. For a moment, her heart jolted in her chest and her stomach completely turned upside down because she thought that she saw Floyd Brewer looking back at her when she turned justthen.
But of course, that was not possible. There was no way that she just saw the stable boy that stole her heart all those years ago because he had vanished a long time ago. She lost him when her father dragged her away from Mr. Brentwood’s home five years ago, and that was the end of that. He had not come looking for her, they had not found one another, it was not meant to be. It never was, really, they simply got carriedaway.
If Annabellereallythought about it she could convince herself that the only reason she fell for Floyd was because of the awful situation that she found herself in at the time with Watson. She probably did not really like him, he was just the one who savedher.
Of course, deep down she knew all of that was complete and utter rubbish. What she and Floyd shared was wonderful and genuine... but it did not help her to remember that. Not when she so desperately needed to get overhim.
It is just the proposal messing with my mind, she told herself seriously. Being engaged again, it is reminding me of how it was before. But this is nothing like when I was betrothed to Watson. I must remember that. James is not Watson and he never willbe.
“...Annabelle?”
All of a sudden, she realized that James was trying to grab her attention. Of the thump of her heart, the buzz in her brain, the panting falling from her mouth, she could hardly hearanything.
“Oh, I am sorry,” she replied in a shaky tone of voice. “I did not hear youthen.”
“Yes... you seem distracted.” Luckily, James was so wrapped up in wedding planning that he hardly noticed Annabelle acting strangely. “I was just saying that we should send out a letter to your father first, about our engagement. He is the one who needs toknow.”
My engagement to James, my real life, I need to concentrate onthat.
She shook her head, trying to rid her brain of anything other than what she needed to think about. It was only James, right now, who needed her attention. He was absolutely the most importantthing.
“Y... yes, of course,” she replied, possibly a little too rapidly to cover up any anxiety that she had racing through her. “I shall write out a letter tonight and send it in themorning.”
She could not resist glancing behind herself once more, just to check but there was no one there. The male figure that had been behind Annabelle and James was nowhere to be seen, making her wonder if she had imagined all of it. Maybe there was never anyone there and it was just her mind and eyes playing tricks on her. She waited patiently for the tight knot in her chest to loosen as she realized that it was all in her imagination, but it did not go. If anything, Annabelle felt certain that it had got a littletighter.
“That will be good.” James nodded along as he spoke. “Then we can get everything sorted. We have a lot to getorganised.”
Annabelle tried to breathe deeply to calm herself down. The crisp evening air flew into her lungs but somehow her insides remained just as boiling hot. She tried to concentrate on what this wedding day would be like, how it would differ from what she almost had to suffer before, but her mind simply would not go there. She was far too distracted. Yet again, as if it was five years ago all over again, Annabelle was consumed with thoughts of FloydBrewer.
I need to forget about him... he broke myheart.
But she could not shift him, he refused to go. But that was probably because he had always been in the back of her mind the whole of the last five years, just waiting to take the spotlight again. His sandy blond hair, his piercing, sparkly eyes, his adorablesmile...
No. He is not important anymore. He is gone, in the past. James is mypresent.
As James walked Annabelle right up to her front door and he turned to say goodbye, there was a part of her that wanted him to kiss her in the way that Floyd used to do. She wanted him to wipe any thoughts of her past love out her mind, but of course, he did not. It did not even cross his mind to act in such a way. He would not tempt Annabelle with a kiss until their wedding day had passed them by. Even their engagement would not changethat.
“It has been a wonderful evening,” James said to Annabelle brightly. “It is always lovely to spend any time with you, but today has been particularlylovely.”
“Y... yes,” Annabelle stammered while discretely peering over his shoulder. Of course, there was still no one there, she had already decided that it was in her mind. So why was she still looking? “It was lovely,” she continued automatically. “Absolutelylovely.”
“I shall see you later on in the week,” James said with a nod. “I am terribly busy tomorrow but I may have some time the dayafter.”
“That sounds perfect.” Annabelle’s teeth gritted together. She needed that time to get herself pulled together. A day away from James would help her to sort out her brain. “I shall see you then. Goodbye,James.”
“Goodbye, myLady.”
With merely a peck on her hand, he turned and left with only confusing thoughts racing through Annabelle’smind.
She watched James walk away, feeling an intense pang in her chest as he went, but she could not quite work out how to decipher that feeling. Did she wish that he had not gone, or was it more sadness that Floyd Brewer was not there when she thought hewas?
No, she thought as she grew angry with herself. This has nothing to do with Floyd, I am just a little overwhelmed by the proposal, that is all. He has not been a part of my life for five long years and I do not wish to change thatnow.
It was a good thing, she needed to get married and to truly move on with her life. There was absolutely no reason she should not want to marry James, he was nothing like Watson. He was a kind gentleman who always treated her well. Any uncertainty she felt could only stem back to the way she acted when she was achild.
