Stop it, she cursed herself. No one will ever be Floyd, but that does not have to be a badthing.
Yes, her feelings for Floyd were more intense, but she had already worked out that was due to her youth and naivety. It certainly needn't be something to affect her decisionnow.
I am older, wiser, smarter, and James is trulywonderful.
“Are you...” James finally seemed to realize that Annabelle had not yet said anything. “Is everythingalright?”
Annabelle knew that she needed to say something, but her lips would not even part. Doubt filled her, she could hardly control it. Everything that she had felt was secure fell apart in her mind. Courting James was one thing, but committing to him forevermore was something else entirely. She had been down this road once before so she knew just how serious it was. Just because this was a completely different situation, and James was another person, nothing like Watson at all, something about the situation felt verysimilar.
This engagement will have nothing to do with my father, she tried her best to bring herself around. I will be in complete control of everything. This will all be onme.
“Please, say something, Annabelle,” James continued, starting to sound really worried. “I am concerned now. If you do not wish to get married, please let me know. I shallunderstand...”
Annabelle knew that if she turned James down now, it would end things completely leaving her completely alone. She might not have said it before, but she really did like the idea of having children someday. What if this was the only chance that she was given and she threw it away over a man who left her years ago with no indication that he ever wanted to see heragain?
"I... I am terribly sorry," she eventually gasped while clutching her hand to her chest. The ring had newly been placed there and felt like a weight upon her. “I am just very shocked, this is veryunexpected.”
“It is?” James screwed his face up in confusion. “I thought it was the next logical step forus.”
“No, you are right,” Annabelle had to agree. “That is the truth of it, I guess I just was not expectingit.”
"Does that mean you do not want it?" James sounded a little stressed now, this was clearly not going to his plan. In his mind, he had envisioned this moment being a much happier one. He had spent the last few weeks planning for it, hoping that it would be the start of the rest of his life. He knew that Annabelle had a past when it came to the idea of marriage, but he still did not expect her to be so unhappy at the idea of marrying him. He was nothing like that brutish Lord, after all. "You can tell me if that is thecase.”
“Yes,” Annabelle blurted out as rationality got the best of her. She would be absolutely silly to turn down James, he was the best thing to happen to her in a very long time. "Yes, of course, I want to marryyou."
“You will?” He still did not soundsure.
“Yes,” Annabelle said with a nod and a much more decisive tone of voice. “Yes, I shall marry you, that soundslovely.
James’s face lit up, he was delighted. He squeezed Annabelle’s fingers tight and smiled brightly at her. “We should start making the arrangements soon, send out the announcements. Your family will have a long journey ahead of them if they are to come here for theceremony...”
My family. As James talked about all the things that the couple needed to do now, Annabelle panicked about what her family would think. Her father would approve of James when he met him, or Annabelle assumed that he would, but she could still imagine them whispering about her, wondering if this time her relationship would stick. They might assume that this would be just another mistake. She could not stand any more humiliation, she had suffered enough of it to last alifetime.
It does not matter, she finally told herself with a shake of her head. It only matters what I think... and I think that marrying James will be the best decision I evermake.
There was a gnawing sensation in the pit of her stomach, but Annabelle was sure that had much more to do with the idea of planning a wedding and stepping back into a white dress. It was not James that was the issue, it was the wedding, that wasall.
Absolutely nothing to worry about. Nothing atall.
