Lips pinched tight, she shrugged.
“I’m not making excuses, I’m not backpedaling, but you’re right. I don’t share when I’m struggling, because… fuck, you know. My mother, my boss… that fucking image of success and confidence was ingrained into me from the start, and I’ve never been allowed to do anything but win.”
She didn’t say a word, but kept still.
“I don’t have the first idea how to handle this. I will not let my child grow up in a household like mine.” Rural driveways quickly turned into the heart of town as they crested the hill. “Why do you think I stay up late reading everything I can about pregnancy and babies?”
Voice full of acid, she whispered, “And relationships? How to make your pregnant one-nighter feel like she’s all you want? I need air.”
He turned down the narrow road behind the new construction and shoved the car into park next to Black Op.
She flung open the door and stood on the sidewalk, hands in her hair and she seemed unsure where to go.
Ryder stopped next to her and leaned against the fence bordering Black Op, ignoring the crowd laughing over shared beers on the patio. He willed her to even glance in his direction so she would see him crumbling. His chest ached, wishing he knew how to say it so she’d believe him.
She glanced his direction, and he hoped to hell she was curious enough to listen.
Quietly, he said, “Before you, every day was the same.”
Hands on her hips, she faltered, her expression slacking.
“That night we shared? I didn’t just have a great night, not just great sex—don’t get me wrong, it was fantastic—but all of it, of you, you woke me up, like the last few years have been a dream. It was so natural, unlike anything I’ve experienced. For those few hours, I could justfeel. You didn’t expect anything from me. But I blew it, letting it stay at one night. Then, when you told me you were pregnant, it snapped me into focus.” He took a long breath, his heart promising to beat again as she listened. “I’m so scared. I don’t know the first thing about being a dad. And I sure as hell don’t know how to be the partner you need me to be, but I’m winging it and pretending—for me—that I know what I’m doing. Because leading with confidence makes me feel less afraid.”
“I do want something from you.” She wiped at the corner of her eye and almost looked to be smiling.
“Anything,” he whispered. “Maybe it started with you not wanting anything from me, but I’d give everything for you.”
A voice hollered from the patio, “Zoe? Whoa. You weren’t fucking around.”
Ryder turned to see who had shouted. The whole crowd stared in their direction.
Zoe’s expression darkened and she fired a death glare with a wrath Ryder had never seen into the crowd. She stepped close to Ryder and rested her hands on his waist, ignoring the heckler. Clearly someone she knew well enough to despise and ignore so easily. “I want you to beyou. I want you to be honest with me, every step of the way.”
“I am. This is me. I’m with you every step of the way.”
The asshole from the patio stormed past the crowd and busted through the iron gate. Raphe? Oh shit.
Ryder whispered to Zoe, “I’m guessing the fact that I interrupted your second attempt with him made him not like me anymore.”
She whispered back, “I’m so glad you’re not a creepy possessive boyfriend. I’ve dated a few of those.”
Raphe halted when he got a good look and saw Zoe leaning into Ryder, and Ryder’s arms wrapped possessively around her belly. He sighed heavily and shook his head. “I guess I hadn’t stopped wondering if you were just trying to make me jealous, saying you’d gotten knocked up by Ryder Mallory.”
Ryder raised an eyebrow and snarked back, “Is it working?”
“You two look awfully cozy. Am I to believe Zoe’s suddenly all about white picket fences, when she stiff-armed me at the very hint of anything serious?” The asshole had a hitch in his voice that said he’d had too many beers, but he was dead serious. He strutted across the patio, out the gate, and onto the sidewalk.
His friends came out from the gate and another guy rested his hand on his shoulder and said, “Come on, Raphe. Let’s go. You’re drunk.”
Ryder stayed connected with Zoe, side by side, and laughed under his breath. “Listen to your friend. It’s not the time to catch up.”
Raphe snorted, “Tell me Zoe, was it the money, or the caps?”
Whispering in Zoe’s ear, Ryder asked, “Is this some sort of fucked up reality show?”
She growled before landing her voice. “Fuck off Raphe. You dumped me, I dumped you. We’re even. Ryder has nothing to do with it.”
“Fucking Mallorys thinking they own everything,” Raphe snarled.
