It took me a solid several seconds to realize I was trembling. I clutched at my head, wishing I could forget the scene I’d just experienced. It didn’t matter that it hadn’t been real. It hadfeltreal, and the memory lingered, replaying over and over.
I needed to get to Joriel, to see him and know that he was okay, that what I’d seen wasn’t real, that he wasn’t being hurt while I took days walking down a fucking set of stairs.
I sprinted down the stairs, throwing away all caution. Nothing I did could really prepare me for the visions that dragged me under again and again. Speed was more important than anything else to me right now.
Flights passed without another vision, and then I could see the end, the door at the bottom of the stairs. I was so close I could practically taste it.
And then the stairs were gone and I was standing in a garden. It was similar to the one in Heaven where I’d met with Roth on my last night there, but there were subtle differences. Both were beautiful, but this garden had animals roaming around and waterfall-fed streams and pools throughout the area. Still, it was the closest thing to Heaven that I’d seen in a long time.
I took in the bright colors, the fruit trees and lush fields and rolling hills. It was nature in its purest form—Earth before it was touched by human creations. The grass was soft and warm under my bare feet as I took a step toward the largest of the pools. There was a tiny island in the middle where a large cat lay with two people who were sunbathing completely nude.
Looking around more carefully, I could see more people, also as naked as the day they were born. They lay under trees, bit into fruit, and played under the waterfalls.
A soft, warm breeze floated through the garden, carrying the scent of flowers and fresh fruit to me and drawing attention to the fact that I also didn’t have a stitch of clothing on.
I quickly drew an arm across my chest and other intimate areas, but no one seemed all that interested in looking at my body, and the need for modesty was fading quickly. It was impossible to think too hard about anything unpleasant or uncomfortable. Those feelings didn’t belong here.
My arms dropped back to my sides as contentment washed over me. Nothing bad could happen here. It was paradise, and the very idea of pain or suffering didn’t exist. Itcouldn’t.
I walked to the edge of the pool with the island. The water was the perfect temperature, cool enough to be refreshing but also warm enough that I could swim for hours without feeling cold. There was no shock when the water hit the more sensitive areas of my body as I waded farther into the rapidly deepening pool. When the water brushed over my breasts, I lay back, floating on the surface and closing my eyes against the sunlight.
The water rippled as another body moved through the pool near me.
“May I join you?” a deep voice asked.
I didn’t open my eyes. “Go ahead.”
In the back of my mind, I felt like there was a reason this should have been uncomfortable or wrong, but I couldn’t grasp why. There was no such thing as wrong here. I didn’t have to think about my answers or weigh pros and cons. Everything was simple and everything was good. I couldn’t imagine the owner of the voice giving me a reason to turn him down.
“You’re very beautiful,” the voice said.
I opened one eye to look at him. He was pleasant to look at—tanned skin stretched over firm muscle and dark hair that just barely brushed his shoulders. His smile was boyish and filled with sweet innocence. I smiled back at him, but something about it felt off. There were no obvious flaws in his appearance, yet something told me he wasn’t what I found attractive.
A face flashed in my mind. Sharp angles, soft lips, hair pulled back from his face into a knot, blue eyes with the depth of an ocean.
Joriel.
I moved so fast I nearly went under the surface of the pool.
“Are you all right?” the boy asked, his brows pinching in confusion.
The feeling of urgency was already starting to fade, but I clung to it with everything I had. I couldn’t forget Joriel’s face. It was important.Hewas important. I knew that even if I couldn’t quite remember why at the moment.
“I’m fine,” I mumbled. “Excuse me.”
I swam away from the nameless boy, not knowing where I was going, only that I had to move. There was something I was supposed to be doing, something that had to do with the face in my mind.
The sound of birdcalls and the gentle caress of the water soothed my confusion, and my movements slowed. There was no rush, nowhere I had to go. I was already in bliss. It couldn’t get better than this.
I stilled, looking around the sun-drenched garden. Why would I try to leave this place?
A splash drew my eye to where two people were laughing and playing. The male’s arms caught the female by the waist, and she let out a noise that was half shriek, half laughter. He hauled her back against his body, his lips dropping to her shoulder. I watched her head fall back, her eyes close, and a look of pure rapture take over her features. They moved rhythmically, creating small waves around them.
Another image filled my mind. The same face—Joriel’s face—hovering above me, his eyes dark with desire as he thrust in and out of me. My heart thudded in my chest painfully, a tiny crack opening up in my perfect contentment. Imissedhim. I didn’t want to find pleasure with any of the people around me. I wanted him, those blue eyes looking into mine as if I was his entire world.
I needed to find him. I looked around frantically, knowing I didn’t have much time before the contentment would try to drag me under again. There had to be a way out of here, a way back to Joriel… to myhusband.
The word echoed in my head. Joriel was my husband. We were two halves of one whole. And I would find him, no matter what. I’d promised to never leave him.
