She nodded. “I understand. But please try.” There were shadows clouding her jade-green eyes, and I was dying to know what she was thinking. She’d faced so much darkness since we met, stuff she was never supposed to have to deal with. She’d already spent far too much time in Hell, and we still had a long way to go.
Vepar’s words ran through my head.I’ve been waiting for this day for four and a half years.It was the first time anyone had given me a hint as to what year it was, how much time had passed while I’d been chained in the prison realm. If it had been over four years since I sold my soul and Dantalion was killed, then I’d already been in Hell for more than three. How much of that time had Laila been with me? How long had she already been away from Father’s court?
We were both quiet as we walked through the Fields of Punishment. The silence between us was starting to feel oppressive. I hadn’t felt this kind of tension since before we’d broken out of the prison realm. The soundtrack of suffering and agony didn’t help either.
I tried to ignore the tortured people around us. I knew they’d all done something terrible to be here now. Death was nothing if not fair. That being said, I didn’t find this place all that enjoyable to wander through. I didn’t get a high off of watching the torment or hearing the screams of the damned.
A couple of demons glanced our way, but their gazes didn’t linger. All the demons knew who I was; they knew that my soul belonged to Lucifer. I was a wild card—the angel crazy enough to hand my soul to the Devil. They were brave in numbers or when I was chained to a wall, but they were all wary of me. I could see it in their eyes. And they were right to be. There was nothing more dangerous than a person who had nothing left to lose.
Except I did have something to lose now.
The experience with Vepar and his demons had proven that.
I tried to ignore the ache in my chest at that memory. I needed a distraction from my thoughts, and I couldn’t stand the silence between Laila and me any longer.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked her.
“I’m just trying to understand the Father’s plan for me. I feel like a completely different person than I was before I met Roth.”
It took effort not to react. I still hated hearing that fucker’s name on her lips. “You’ll find your way back to who you are.”
She shook her head. “That’s the thing. I don’t think I was ever supposed to stay that person. I think I’m only now starting to discover who I am. I’m finally starting to get it.”
“Get what?”
“How the humans in Heaven are so content, how their faith always seemed so much stronger than mine. I’m not sure you can really know who you are and what you’re capable of until you’re tested. It’s easy to assume you’ll be a good person, but it’s when you’re faced with hard decisions that you really find out who you are inside.”
I stared at her. I was in awe of her strength every day. She’d walked through Hell with me, and she never let the darkness smother her. She brought light and love with her like a shield against everything this place tried to throw at her.
“Is it weird that I kind of feel like Roth gave me a gift by bringing me here?”
“Yes.”
She laughed. “I’m serious though. Here I have to hold on to my faith, to trust blindly because I can’t see the whole plan laid out in front of me. And the strange thing is, I feel more at peace now than I ever did before. You’d think the not knowing would make me anxious.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d have done anything to take Laila out of Hell, to spare her the pain she’d already been through and what was to come. And here she was, telling me she was grateful for the experience.
But for her it was just an experience, something to help her grow before she returned home. For me, this was it. There would be no returning. I gave my soul to Lucifer, and he determined what happened to my body.
I couldn’t relate to her feelings. We were in different situations.
“What areyouthinking about?” she asked.
“That you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.” The words slipped out before I could stop them.
Laila grinned at me. “Considering I don’t know a single other woman that you’ve met, I have no idea how to take that.”
“It’s a compliment,” I told her.
I grabbed Laila’s hand, halting her. We’d reached the edge of the Fields of Punishment. The ground dropped off suddenly. On the other side of the chasm, a tall mountain rose, its surface black as coal with red rivers of fire flowing down its sides. We were getting close to the Devil’s court—home of the grand princes, the original Fallen who’d stood beside Lucifer in the great war of Heaven.
“Well, this looks fun,” Laila muttered, peering over the ledge at the steep, rocky trail that led down the side of the cliff face.
My fingers tightened around hers. I’d never had a problem with heights before—having wings will do wonders for that—but Laila’s wings hadn’t grown back yet. She didn’t have the same safety net I did.
“Okay, sweetness, you have two choices. I fly you across and hope nothing shoots us out of the sky, or we climb down the human way.”
Laila’s nose scrunched. “I don’t particularly love either of those options.”
