With Ilya.
So I push on.
“How dare you question Ilya’s morals. We both know he’s the most honorable man you know. He thinks that of you, too.” I take a breath. “He’s?—”
“I warned him against teaming up with Santo?—”
“Demyan, what does Santo have to do with this? He listened and made a decision he thought he needed to make. And Santo didn’t kidnap me. Simonov did, along with Melor.”
“Exactly.” Demyan smirks, the retort whipping the air. “His own man kidnapped you. He really has control over his own bratva, huh?”
“He was thrown in. And from the start, Melor played both ends. The men who were loyal to his grandfather didn’t trust him, and Melor had their ear. He poisoned them. The one person Ilya looked to for advice was you. Always you, Demyan, and you?—”
“No, he waited until I was gone to defect and take my sister. He’s dead to me. And you?—”
“Stay the hell out of my life,” I yell at my brother. “You don’t speak for me, and if that’s your attitude, then I don’t know who you are.”
He stalks up to me and roars, “While you’re undermyroof, you followmyrules. You obeyme. And he’s dead to us both.”
“Do what you want. Ruin your life all you want with your war you’re building from nothing. But donotpush me or threaten me. Or tell me who I can pretend doesn’t exist or whatever other twisted little power play you have. Because you keep that up, it won’t only be Ilya you lose.”
“And what the fuck does that mean?” he asks.
“It means,” I say, “if you keep making me choose, I’ll pick Ilya. Every time.”
With that, I turn, run up to my room, and slam the door.
Albert sits up on the bed, and I throw myself down and hold him close. I bury my face in his fur and try not to give in to the tears.
How the hell did my life get so messy? So complicated and idiotic? I never meant to fall in love with Demyan’s best friend.
Doesn’t he get that? Doesn’t he see that I know life would be easier if I hadn’t?
But I did, and now I can’t imagine a life without Ilya in it. I can’t fathom a future without him there.
“Alina?” Erin knocks on my partially shut door.
I could ignore her, and she’d go away. But I love my brother’s wife. She’s his saving grace, the thing that elevates and humbles him, and she loves him with all her heart, just like how he loves her.
“Come in.”
She crosses to me and sits, pulling me in for a long hug. Then she lets me go and strokes Albert’s fur. He turns, pushing at her palm with his nose before curling up for more attention.
“Are you okay, Alina?” she asks. “Really?”
I nod and give her the smallest smile.
“What I don’t get,” I say, “is how he loves you to the point that he’d kill for you, do anything for you, move the planet to make you happy, but he can’t see I want that, too? He can’t see that Ilya makes me happy?”
“He loves you, and he loves Ilya.”
“Then why is he being like this?” I ask.
Erin smiles at me softly. “I think he’s scared of losing both of you. And he worries about you, so much. You’re his world, too, Alina. He dotes on you.”
“But it’s Ilya.”
She sighs. “Maybe that’s why. It makes it so much worse in his eyes. That you’ll leave, and he’ll leave and never come back.” She laughs a little. “Can you imagine what he’s going to be like when Nadya is older? Oh god, Sasha’s going to be like Demyan over his little Poppy. I mean, he might end up being worse than Demyan.”
