“I mean, think about when Holly was born. Loving her didn’t make you love Clara any less, did it?”
Nick shook his head. “It made me love her even more.”
“So why would loving Rachel be any different?”
He hadn’t thought about it like that. Could he honor his late wife’s memory and still give his entire heart to Rachel?
“Or loving Aiden? Because loving Rachel and wanting a life with her would mean gaining a son and loving him as much as you love your daughter.”
Nick nodded as he thought through everything. Before that moment when he’d let fear take hold, he’d felt like he was giving his whole heart to Rachel. It hadn’t felt weird or wrong or impossible—it had felt right. Loving Aiden had felt right, too.
But there was something else that had worried him just under the surface for a while now. “Rachel went through cancer treatments recently. Her scan showed no cancer six months ago…”
“But you know she’s not in the clear until she’s had five years of clean scans.”
Nick nodded.
“And you don’t know if you can face the possibility of losing another woman you love.”
Nick nodded again, not trusting his voice.
“Does Rachel seem very worried about relapsing?”
“I don’t think so.”
“That’s a good sign.” Ben was quiet for a long moment before he said, “Here’s the thing about life. How long we’ve got here is an unknown. Someone who’s terribly sick can recover and live a long life. And someone who seems healthy in every way—like Clara did—can leave at much too young of an age. It’s a risk you take anytime you give your heart to someone.”
Could he handle that risk?
“If you knew clear back when you’d first found yourself falling in love with Clara that she would pass away so young, would you have given up having that relationship with her?”
Their entire relationship seemed to fill Nick’s mind. Their dating, falling in love, getting engaged, getting married, having Holly, buying their first house, job changes, all the time falling more and more in love. It gave him physical pain just trying to imagine that none of that happened. “No. There’s no way I would give that up.”
“I didn’t think so,” Ben said. “Here’s another big question for you. Do you think Clara would have an issue with you loving Rachel?”
“No.” He was sure of that. Last night, he’d “video chatted” with Clara, and then basically hung up on her after telling her his woes. It wasn’t until this morning before he thought about what Clara might think of all of this if she’d been able to talk to him. And the overwhelming feeling he got was that he had her blessing and that she was happy he and Holly wouldn’t be alone. He’d almost felt the breath of relief from Clara that he and Holly were loved and had someone to love.
“That’s one thing my little girl always had—the ability to want for others even things she couldn’t have for herself.” He nodded. “I think she’d be proud of you.”
Nick swallowed hard and blinked a few times to clear away the emotion that swelled up.
“And I think she’d want you to fight for Rachel.”
seventeen
RACHEL
Rachel pulledout her phone and sent a message in the group text with Courtney and Lucy.
Rachel: I said yes to something really bad.
Courtney: Oh, no. Spill.
Rachel: I ended things with Nick.
Lucy: Rachel! I wish I was there instead of being in stupid Nebraska with family so I could hug you!
Lucy: Just kidding— Nebraska isn’t stupid and seeing family is great. But I wish I could be there! Why? Why would you end it?
