sixteen
NICK
Nick had been spendingChristmas Day trying to make it happy for Holly, especially during the morning hours when they were supposed to go to Rachel’s for cinnamon rolls. It had occupied him enough, apparently, that he’d completely forgotten that his in-laws were coming over until the doorbell rang.
He answered the door, still wearing his Christmas pajama pants and a t-shirt. As soon as it was open, Rosy raced to the door, and Linda said, “Well, hello, lassie-dog! I am happy to see you, too!” Then she looked up from where she was crouched giving Rosie a neck rub, to see Nick’s face. Whatever she saw there made her ask, “What’s wrong? Is Holly okay?”
Holly appeared around the corner just then, looking all chipper and running toward them, saying, “Grandma! Grandpa!” and Linda breathed a sigh of relief.
After she hugged her granddaughter, she stood up straight and turned her attention to Nick. She only studied him for a moment and didn’t even ask any questions before she said, “Oh, Nick. I’m so sorry.”
Did his expression make it that obvious?
“Goodness, I forgot that I wanted to bring over that treat we got for Nick. How about Holly and I walk back to the house to get it.”
Ben’s brow furrowed. “Why don’t you just give it to him when they come to our house for Christmas dinner in a bit?”
“Dear, I think we need it now.” She said, putting extra emphasis on each word.
“Okay. Want me to walk back with you?”
“No, you two stay here.” Ben still looked confused, so she added in a whisper that was nearly loud enough for Holly to hear, “Nick and Rachel’s relationship took a hit and he needs you to talk to him.”
Ben’s eyes immediately flew to Nick. “I’m sorry to hear that, son.” Then he turned back to his wife. “When did he tell you?”
“Oh,Ben, just go talk to him. Grab your coat, Holly—we’re about to go on a Christmas wonderland walk!”
As soon as they were both out the door with a very excited Rosy following along, Nick and Ben headed back to his kitchen, family room, and dining area. Nick leaned against the granite countertop of his island and his father-in-law leaned against the table. They both just stood there for a moment, arms crossed, feeling awkward, looking at one another.
“So you two ended things?”
Nick nodded. “Last night.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing that should’ve happened.”
“Things didn’t go so well with the woman I dated after my first wife died, either. You’re new at this dating-after-having-been-married thing. You don’t just automatically know what you’re doing, and you’re bound to make mistakes. It’s not the end of the world.”
“Well, I definitely made mistakes. But it was more than that.” He tried to think about the events of the night before and look atthem as a whole so he could figure out what went wrong. After a long moment where Ben just stayed patiently quiet, Nick said, “I think I was scared.” He swallowed. “Maybe I still am.”
That was so hard to admit, especially to his father-in-law, and it made heat rise to the back of his neck.
But Ben just nodded, like he understood and wasn’t judging. So Nick just stayed silent and willed himself not to feel ashamed of the emotion.
“Let’s talk about what you are afraid of.”
“My dad was in the military, Ben. We didn’t grow up talking about things we were afraid of—we just talked about being brave.”
“All right, then,” Ben said. “Be brave and tell me what you’re afraid of.”
Nick shook his head and let out a breath of a chuckle. Then he ran his hand through his hair as he tried to think about what it was, exactly, that he feared.
“I guess I’m afraid of not knowing how to do this. To love someone new. And I’m scared that loving Rachel will…” He wasn’t quite sure how to word what he was feeling. “I don’t know—diminish what I had with Clara, I guess. Or that I won’t be able to give my whole heart to Rachel, and she deserves my all.”
His father-in-law stayed quiet for a few moments before he said, “When you love someone, you don’t give a piece of your heart to them, a piece to the next person, a piece to the next. You don’t have to get the pieces back to give all of it to someone—Rachel and Clara don’t have to share your heart. You can love Rachel with your entire heart just like you loved Clara with your entire heart.”
Could he?
