“Andshe deserves a good guy.”
Hewas very painfully aware of that. “Iknow.”
“Andit was obvious from day one that you’re a good guy,Parker.”
HestudiedAddisonfor a moment.Thecomment seemed genuine, but she hadn’t known him well enough to know all of his shortcomings.Insteadof responding, he opened the fridge.
“Readthis before you look for food.Itwas here on the counter whenIcame down.”
Shetossed a piece of paper in his direction, and he caught it before it drifted off the edge of the counter.Itwas a note fromMerit, askingParkerto meet him at theGreenOlivein the clubhouse at nine for breakfast.Heglanced down at his watch—it was already eight-forty.Heprobably shouldn’t have chosen this as the one day to sleep in.
HethankedAddison, hurried upstairs to shower and change, and then jogged over to the clubhouse, trying to ignore all the work going on to get the place set up for theNewYear’scelebration going on tonight.Thedinner, live music, and dance that was going to be outside under the stars, with fireworks and a toast to the new year, along with kissing at midnight.Theevent that he was supposed to attend withKelli.
Darren,Adam, and several other friends had texted or called since the morningKelliflew back home.Hehadn’t responded to any of them—he just hadn’t been ready to talk.YetMeritwas sure to bring everything up.
Heglanced at his watch as he stepped into the lobby.Itwas a few minutes after nine.Theplace still had theChristmastree and most of theChristmasdecorations that had been there when he came withKelli, but some had been switched out for gold, silver, and blackNewYear’sdecorations, and somehow, all of it looked right together.
Thehostess directedParkerto a table whereMeritsat, just as the waiter was setting down several plates of food.
Meritlooked atParkerand said, “Oh, good, you made it,” before thanking the waiter. “I’mglad you got my note.Iordered food already.Ihope that’s okay.”
“Ofcourse.”
Anempty plate sat in front of each of them, and all the plates with food were in the middle of the table, filled with eggs, bacon, pancakes, hash browns, fruit, and toast.
“Ididn’t know what you’d like, soIgot a little of everything.Dishup.”
Asthey put food on their plates and started eating,Meritasked him questions about the retreat.Itfelt mostly like small talk, but he figured the guy probably wanted to know if things needed to be tweaked for their next retreat.Sohe pushed his feelings of sadness and remorse aside, focused on the conversation, and answered everything honestly and openly.Itwas better to talk about this stuff, anyway.Hecould convince himself that they were just two guys chatting about a work thing without a care in the world.
Hewas caught completely off guard whenMeritasked, “Sohave you decided whether or not to take that other job?”
Hehadalmostforgotten that he had toldMeritabout the job offer.Notthat he couldn’t remember telling him—it was just that neitherMeritnorGrahamhad brought it up a single time on the retreat, so he just hadn’t thought about it.Henodded. “Iturned it down.I’mgoing to stay atZentCube.”
Asmile spread acrossMerit’sface. “We’reglad you’re staying.You’regood at what you do, and we’re fortunate to have you.”Meritlooked down at his plate for a moment, a small smile on his lips, before he looked back atParker. “AlthoughI’msure it wasn’t just a matter of us convincing you that this was a good company to stay with.I’dbet thatKellihad more to do with your decision than we did.”
“Youconvinced me,” he reassuredMerit. “Thisis a great company.”
Meritraised an eyebrow in a look that told him that he didn’t like it when people just said what they thought he wanted to hear.Heliked it when they told it straight.Parkerknew enough aboutMeritto know that already; his response had been less about protectingMerit’sfeelings and more about protecting his own.
“Okay, she did have a lot to do with the decision.IfIcan someday be good enough for her, thenIwant to see her whileI’mat work, too.IfIcan’t, thenIdeserve to be reminded daily of whatIlost.”
“Ouch.”Meritflinched, like that pain hit him, too. “Doyou love her?”
Parker’snod came quickly. “MorethanIever thoughtIcould love another person.She’sfunny and thoughtful and has the most incredible inner strength.Justbeing around her makes me want to be a better man.”
“Sowhat happened?”
Parkerexhaled slowly, trying to figure out how to tellMerit.Hewas embarrassed and didn’t want to admit how foolish he’d been, but he realized that not responding to any of his friends who had reached out hadn’t been working out so great for him, either.Hejust really needed to talk it out.
“Ifyou would’ve asked me whatKelli’sbiggest fear was before we came on this trip,Iwould’ve guessed spiders.I’verealized that it’s a fear of people walking out of her life.ButIdidn’t understand that untilIsaid some stupid things that made her believe that she needs to fear that with me.”
“Doesshe?”
“No!”Parkerswallowed hard. “ExceptIkind of did whenIended things with her.Ididn’t even want things to end.”
Meritpicked up his glass of orange juice and swirled it around for a moment before he drank the last of it and set the glass back down.HemetParker’seyes. “GrahamandIare both surprised that you haven’t come to me asking if you can get your flight changed to an earlier time.He’sbeen texting several times a day, asking if you’ve come to talk to me yet.It’sNewYear’sEvealready—why are you still here and not back inDenver, trying to convince her that she doesn’t need to fear that with you?”
“BecauseIwant her to be with someone good enough for her.”Parkerswallowed down a lump in his throat. “AndIdon’t thinkIam.”
