“Exceptin circumstances when outside communication is needed for the meeting,” my mom says. “That’sexactly whyIhave override codes.”Shethen presses the controls to darken the glass so that no one on the floor can see in.Sowe’re getting serious here.
Istay standing for a moment but decideImight as well sit down.Theyaren’t likely to stop beforeI’veheard them out, andIam too bone tired to stand for it.SoItake the one empty seat at the end of the oval table.
Blakeis the first to speak, which surprises me.Ifigured it would be either my mom orCharlie. “Firstoff,” he says, “I’dlike to apologize for givingMackenziesuch a cold reception at the house.Iwas upset and shouldn’t have let that affect the wayIacted toward her.I’veseen the difference she’s made in you.”
Isit up straighter in my chair, then look around at my family before my eyes go back toBlakeon the laptop’s screen. “Wait.Isthat an actual apology coming fromBlake?Idon’t thinkI’veever experienced this before.”
Blakegrabs a stress ball from his desk and tosses it at the camera of his laptop.Ihold up an arm to protect my face as if he’s actually in the room throwing it at me.Everyonechuckles— including me— andI’mgrateful for the way it cuts the tension in the room.
ThenIlook at my brother again. “Seriously, though,Blake.Thankyou.”
“We’veall noticed the change in you,”Emersonsays.
Ledgeradds, “Truestory, bro.”
Asfar as interventions go, this isn’t as bad asIthought it would be.Althoughknowing that the changeI’vefelt in me sinceMackenziehas been in my life is noticeable to my family is validating, it still strikes me hard in the heart.
“I’venoticed it too,”Isay. “Butit doesn’t matter becauseMackenzienever chose this life.”
“Nottrue,”Ledgersays, and my eyes immediately fly to him. “Shechose it the moment she decided she wanted to continue dating you after finding out that you’re an intelligence operative.”
“Now, if you don’t want to continue dating her,”Charliesays, “that’s fine.Well, it’s not actually fine with me, but don’t you go making that decision for her.That’shers.Don’tbe a decision thief.”
“I’mnot trying to be a decision thief.Ijust feel likeI’masking so much from her whenI’mthe one benefitting from the relationship.It’snot fair to her.”
Charlieshakes her head.Notlike she’s telling me no, but like she’s disappointed in my answer. “Andnow you’re discounting everything that she’s been getting from the relationship.”
“Youmean things like having a boyfriend who frequently leaves for work trips without warning, living a life of secrets, and being chased by terrorists?”
Charlieopens her mouth to say something, but then reconsiders and rolls her eyes instead, likeI’mbeyond help.Nowthisis whatIexpect from an intervention.Ijust guessed thatCharlie’sandBlake’sroles would be reversed.
“Whatdo you like aboutMackenzie?”Emersonasks.
“Doyou want me to make a list for you?”
“Yeah.Imean you haven’t been in a relationship with anyone since college.Ithink before we go on, it’s important to know if, after so long without, you’re in love withthe experienceof having a serious relationship or if you’re in love withthe woman.”
I’mannoyed that he’s even asking this.It’sprobably a valid question, butI’mstill annoyed.Iclose my eyes, take a slow, deep breath, try to wash away the annoyance, and let all the warm thoughts ofMackenziewash over me instead.It’samazing even to me how quickly everything inside me transforms just by thinking about her.
Iopen my eyes and start to talk.Notreally toEmersonand not really to the rest of my family.Ijust let whatI’mfeeling have an actual voice for the very first time, andItry to keep any thoughts about what everyone else might think far from me asIspeak.
“Mackenzieis the most amazing woman—IwishIcould explain exactly how amazing so you would get it.She’sfun.She’sfunny.Wehave laughed together so much, and the sound of her laugh makes me feel likeChristmasmorning.She’ssmart and bold and speaks her mind.Shemakes me see the world in a whole new way.
“Shelooks out for people.Andpeople love her.Imean,Iget it— she just has a way of bringing out the best in people.It’sprobably why she’s so good at her job.Andif she sees something that she wishes was different, she makes it different.Shedoesn’t just complain about it or wait for things to change; she changes it.Didyou know she started a club for people inCipherSpringswhere they go do things that will bring them more joy and fulfillment in their lives and have friends to do it with?”
Ishake my head. “She’sso good at that kind of stuff.Iswear, if she were an intelligence operative, she’d be able to turn any asset.Shejust genuinely likes people and wants to help them, and they know it and love her for it.
“Andnot having her in my life sucks.Ilike whoIhave become because of her.Ilike howIfeel whenI’maround her.Shemakes me feel…”Ipause to think how to explain those feelings in words, “hopeful.Excitedabout the future.Aboutall the possibilities out there.Shefinds joy in the smallest things and it just makes life… better.Itmakes me better.
“WhenI’mwith her,Itry to soak in every single moment because each one matters.Likeit’s a gift that is filling up my soul.Andit doesn’t matter what else is going on that’s tough, because she is there.EvenwhenI’mnot with her, just thinking about her makes everything better.Itmakes everything… right.”
Istop talking.NotbecauseI’vecome anywhere close to explaining all thatIlove aboutMackenzie, but becauseIdon’t thinkIever could do it justice.
Everyonearound the table is silent for a long moment.Irealize thatInever would’ve been able to open up to my family likeIjust did if it weren’t for all the practiceI’vegotten opening up toMackenzie.
Eventually,Blakebreaks the silence by saying, “Ithink it’s safe to say he’s in love with the woman.”
Charlielooks like she might be trying to wipe a tear from her eye.
