‘Christa, we like each other, perhaps it’s more than like for me. I want to know you and I want you to know the boys. I’m going to stay here after Christmas so we can get to know each other like normal people. I’m not going to go back to America. I can put the boys into school here for a while. It would be good for them.’
Christa looked down at her feet and scuffed her boots on the cobblestones. ‘It’s impossible to get to know you when both our exes are in the house with us.’
‘I know but we can ignore them until they leave, can’t we?’
Christa laughed but there was no joy in the sound.
‘This is sport to Simon. He is constantly baiting me, needling me, making me feel less than adequate. I thought I left that when we split but no, it seems I am still in his web.’
‘He can’t make you feel anything you don’t want to, and you shouldn’t listen to him,’ he said. ‘I can tell Avian to go if you want?’
But she held up a gloved hand.
‘I can’t tell you to tell Avian to go because she’s the boys’ mother, but you have to understand, I can’t stand Simon being here. It’s exhausting and stressful.’
Simon interjected. ‘Then I’ll tell her to tell him to leave. If she wants to see the boys then she’ll stay. I have no idea why he’s here anyway. I had no idea they were even dating.’ He put his hand on her arm but she pulled away
‘Please don’t. You don’t owe me that. She is the boys’ mother, that means something. We are just an attraction that would probably never happen if I wasn’t in the close confines of the house with you. Our worlds would have never crossed otherwise.’
‘Don’t say that, I sound like some sort of horrible emperor.’ He shook his head at the thought
But Christa had stepped back away from him.
‘I just want this whole thing to be over. I can’t do this game-playing with Simon and Avian using us as pawns in their emotional chess match.’
‘I’m not playing games, I’m just telling you I like you. I want to get to know you better.’
Christa paused, and he could see her choosing her words before she spoke.
‘I can’t tell you what to do with your ex-wife, but I know I can’t be around Simon for any longer than I have to. I don’t want to tell you about my marriage yet but there is pain that is real and raw and I’m not strong enough to see him like this, day after day.’
Marc wanted to hold her and keep her safe from whatever that man did to her during their marriage but he knew that wouldn’t heal anything.
‘I’ll ask Avian and Simon to go then,’ he said.
‘And then the boys don’t get to spend Christmas with their mum. That’s not fair on them or on her,’ she answered.
He looked down at the ground and tried to think of a solution. He should be good at this. He was successful in business with a mind for strategy, so why was it so hard to work out how to keep everyone happy?
‘Christa, tell me what to do,’ he pleaded, but instead she took the shopping bags from his hands.
‘I’m not your therapist,’ she said, walking past him and into the crowd of Christmas shoppers.
He watched her go and wondered if he should follow her but he knew it would be pointless. There was something there he couldn’t heal. It had to come from her when she was ready and he could only hope it would be soon.
24
Christa drove her car to the pub by the riverside, wiping tears from her cheeks with her gloved hands.
She wanted Marc to tell Avian to leave but she would never ask that. She never understood why some men couldn’t see mean girl behaviour in women. Avian was the ultimate mean girl, whose main purpose in existing was to make other people feel bad about themselves, but Christa also knew that people like Avian had stuff happening in their lives to make them like this. She tried to cut Avian some slack but it was hard.
Avian didn’t seem to really care about the boys the way Christa expected her to. She treated them as though they were an accessory, making them pose for photos with her and then telling them to go away. Then other times she could see her looking at her children wistfully, lovingly. Christa never knew what the woman was thinking and didn’t care enough to ask but she prayed she would leave sooner rather than later.
But deep down this wasn’t about Avian. She could blame her all she liked but this was about Simon. How he bullied her through their marriage. Belittled her and gaslit her constantly until she doubted her ability to even choose her own clothing. Nothing she did was enough for Simon and he was still in her life chipping away at her self- esteem.
She parked her car and looked at the pub. At least she could still dream about what she would do with the place. She had even thought about bringing Zane down to show him her vision.
And then she saw the sign.
