Elizabeth’s lips part, surprise plainly written across her features. But Jean is saved from having to formulate a response by the arrival of Ava herself, all smiles and handshakes, though she doesn’t meet Jean’s eye. And as Ginny makes introductions between Ava and Elizabeth, Jean can’t help but wonder whether she has made a spectacular blunder. A suspicion sharpened by the way Ava still refuses to look at her; by the narrowing space between Imogen’s brows as she notices.
Only Elizabeth appears oblivious to the tension, charmed into volunteering her services. And as Ava waves Beth over to take note of her details, Jean makes her escape, setting her untouched glass down on a table and disappearing down the stairs as fast as her heels will allow – which isn’t very.
Peter catches her in the stairwell, wearing the worried look that is in danger of becoming habitual during their conversations. ‘I hadn’t realised you were going to be here, or we could have come along together.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Jean says, her skin too tight. ‘Look, I’ll explain everything later. But I need to go befo—’
‘Jean!’ Her name echoes against the walls as Ava gallops down the stairs, significantly faster in pristine white trainers. ‘I was hoping we could have a word… if that’s alright, Mr Dennings?’
‘Peter, please. Or I’ll have no choice but to call you Ms Harris,’ he says with good humour. ‘And it’s no problem at all – I was on my way to enjoy more of your excellent prosecco.’
They watch him ascend the staircase. Only when they’re alone does Jean dare to speak, words tripping over Ava’s. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed th—’
‘Sorry! I kept hoping there’d be a gap, and—’ Ava breaks off, smile rueful. Now her eyes meet Jean’s without a trace of hesitation. ‘You go first.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Jean wipes her palms against her skirt, thighs tense beneath the tweed. ‘If I misspoke. With Elizabeth. It was good of you to invite me. And I shouldn’t have read more into it.’
Ava steps closer, into Jean’s space, voice low and urgent. ‘No, I – I wanted you here. I thought we could find a quiet moment to talk. But I haven’t had a second to myself all day, and I knew that if I looked at you while Elizabeth was there then I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on a word she wa—’
Laughter echoes from the top of the stairs, heels clicking against stone. And Jean could scream at the interruption. But before she can draw breath Ava’s fingers close around her wrist, and together they’re dashing down the steps, Ava’s thumb pressed to her pulse. And Jean follows, heart slamming against her sternum.
But downstairs Ava’s guests linger, queuing for the toilets or meandering around the cloakroom. Ava searches their immediate surroundings, a frantic gleam in her eye. Then she’s bundling Jean through a discreet door.
The stationery cupboard is brighter than the room Jean had forced Ava into, and mercifully mildew-free, but no bigger. As the overhead light flickers on, they have no choice but to stand face to face between flip charts and shelves bearing all manner of office supplies.
‘Well.’ Ava runs a hand through her hair, taking in the boxes of staplers and marker pens, the hefty stack of printer paper. ‘I guess closets are becoming our thing.’
The tension ebbs from Jean as she laughs. It’s still there, the strange and logic-defying pull between them. ‘Actually, less so for me. I told my three oldest friends… that I’m a lesbian.’
Ava’s eyes are round as pennies. ‘Fucking hell. Well done, you. How did it go?’
‘Imogen was great about it.’ Jean plucks an errant dot of Blu Tack from a nearby shelf, rolling it between thumb and forefinger. ‘Naomi and Cora were shocked. They had doubts at first. But I think they’ll come round.’
Ava’s hand finds the crook of Jean’s elbow. ‘You know I never expected you to do that. I’d have waited until you were ready.’
‘I know.’ The Blu Tack is soft as fresh clay as Jean presses her thumbnail inside the ball. ‘But I had to, whether or not you and I… It was suffocating. I hadn’t realised how much until I spoke to Henry. He was wonderful about it.’
Ava’s brow creases. ‘Your ex-husband?’
Jean nods. ‘A friend, too. I told him all about you; about what we had. And what a fool I’d been to let you go.’
‘Jean…’ Ava’s expression softens.
‘This is going to sound crazy, but bear with me.’ Jean clasps the Blu Tack tight in her fist. ‘Henry and his wife have invited us over for dinner. If you’d be interested.’
Ava’s head tilts, curls grazing her cheek. ‘You want to have a dinner party with your ex-husband and your fuck buddy? That’s a bold choice. I was right about one thing, Jellybean – you’re a wild woman.’
Elation fizzes through Jean’s veins, sudden as the first gush of bubbles from a bottle, at the sound of that stupid nickname. It’s not an outright acceptance, but it’s not a refusal either. ‘Actually, I was hoping to have a dinner party with my friends. And maybe… maybe even my girlfriend. Or partner. Whatever you want to be. Mainly I was hoping that you could be part of my life, the way you let me be part of yours.’
Ava looks at her for a long moment, expression inscrutable. Then the ball of Blu Tack falls from between Jean’s fingers as Ava pulls her close. She tilts her mouth up towards Ava’s and they’re kissing, slow and deep. Even when Jean’s lungs burn for oxygen she can’t bear to pull away. The perfect glide of tongues leaves Jean’s knees weak, and she clings to Ava’s shoulders, tangles her fingers in Ava’s hair.
All the while Ava’s hands skim across her back, her hips, featherlight – as though she can scarcely believe that Jean is within her grasp. Even when they’re forced to come up for air, panting heavily, Ava holds her close.
‘You should go back upstairs,’ Jean says, though her arms remain locked around Ava’s waist. ‘They’ll all be wondering where you’ve got to.’
‘I got Kelani to do an impromptu Q&A session. They’ll be okay for a while yet.’
Jean pulls back just far enough to look her in the eye. ‘Ava, this is your big day. You should make the most of it. And I’ll come back upstairs with you, of course I will, but I don’t want our thing to distract people from your work.’
