A Whirlwind of Color - Chapter 22
Sunday
I took a bite of the crab cakes before Jerrod even left the room. "This is amazing." I had completely forgotten the heated moment we had shared. I took another bite of the crab cake.
"You’ve never what?" James asked.
I finished chewing. "Nothing.” I had a moment of weakness. I just wanted to enjoy my meal, not talk about the fact that I had never been in love before.
“You can tell me.” He wasn’t eating, he was just staring at me, holding his empty fork in the air.
I took another bite to stall. He had no idea how hard this was for me. But what did it matter if I told him the truth? “I’ve never been in love,” I blurted out. “I mean, no one’s ever made love to me.”What the actual fuck?
His fork clattered against his plate as it fell.
“I mean…God, I don’t know what I mean.”
“Believe me when I tell you that I’ve made love to you, Penny. Countless times. In every possible way.”
I was pretty sure my whole face was red.
“It kills me that you don’t remember. All I want to do is remind you.”
He was making me wet with just his words. I remembered him pressed against me in my dream. I remembered running my fingers through his hair. It was like I had actually felt his lips grazing the side of my neck. And like I truly knew what it was like for him to whisper dirty things into my ear. “Why haven’t you?” My heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst through my ribcage. “You haven’t even kissed me.”
His eyes lowered to my lips again. “Trust me, I’ve wanted to. It’s all I can think about.”
I felt my face begin to flush. I hoped he thought it was because of the fire. I had been wondering if sex was at all on his mind. He said he had made love to me countless times. In every way imaginable. I still barely knew him, but I knew a part of me wanted him. I had no doubt that it would be the best sex of my life. It wouldn’t even be comparable to anything I had with Austin. Austin was like a jackrabbit. He always finished in just a few minutes. I didn't even know what an orgasm felt like. But maybe I was about to.
There was just one problem. I had no idea how to get what I wanted. Zero experience in asking. Austin always just…took. And took. And took. He gave me nothing in return. I knew I deserved better. I just didn’t know what better was. I stared at James. Maybe better was sitting right in front of me. Perfection in human form. My eyes dropped to the neckline of his dress shirt. I’d seen a glimpse of his abs of steel a couple nights ago, a perfect match to the rest of his hard features. But I wanted to see more of him. Why was I fighting this? There was no better fantasy than him.
“What do you want, Penny?”
I watched his Adam’s apple rise and then fall. Was this love? I didn’t know. Maybe it would be someday. But today? He knew me, but I didn’t know him. It was like he was waiting for me to say something. I just had no idea what. I wanted him to kiss me. To hold me. To tell me everything was going to be okay. But I wasn’t sure if that was what he was offering.
“I don’t know…” my voice trailed off. “What did we do here on our first date?” Maybe he could recreate the whole thing for me. I wanted to remember now. I wanted to wake up and know who I was again.
His chest rose and fell but I didn’t hear a sigh. “We talked,” he said.
“That’s it?” I felt as naïve as the 19 year old I thought I was. I kind of thought he was going to say he banged me in front of the fire.
He leaned back in his chair, a memory taking over his mind. “The taste of you was better than any dessert they serve here.”
Oh my God.I melted into my chair.
“And I fell harder for you in a few hours than I had ever fallen for anyone else in my entire life.”
“I guess the sex was good then?” I was startled by my own words. I grabbed my wine glass and took a huge sip.
He laughed. “Stars in your eyes good. But we have always had more than just a physical connection, Penny. I can be patient when I need to be. And I know you’re not ready, despite how badly I wish you were.”
That was a subtle way to turn me down. I took another sip of wine and lowered my voice. “Did we have sex in this room?”
Again his Adam’s apple rose and fell. The action made me cross my legs under the table.So fucking sexy.
“It depends on your definition of sex.” His voice was husky. He wanted me again. Maybe as much as I wanted him.
I thought his Adam’s apple was sexy. But his voice?Kill me now.I could barely even focus on what he was saying. “What exactly is your definition of sex?”
