It was the following morning before she saw Bonnie again. Only this time, her friend was coming back from a run as she was heading out for one.
“Pen… shit… you’re heading out,” Bonnie said between bouts of panting breaths.
Penny couldn’t help her wide-eyed stare. She hadn’t seen Bonnie in anything other than pajamas in over a week. And was that something resembling a smile on her face?
“Yeah. Is that okay? Did you need me?”
“No. Not exactly. I actually have some things to work on. But I really wanted us to go see Finn play tonight. Okay?”
The stab of pain at the mention of his name was undeniable, but Penny smiled through it. “Um, yeah, sure. Whatever you want. I’m just happy to see you off the couch.”
Bonnie rolled her eyes, unable to talk about the past few days. “Yeah. Anyway, let’s plan to go around seven. We can grab something to eat at the pub. Sound good?”
The fact that Bonnie was willing to go anywhere made her nod her head emphatically. “Sure. Sounds great.”
Around six o’clock, Penelope stood staring into her suitcase, waiting for an amazing article of clothing to appear magically. It wasn’t happening. As much as Ireland was known for leprechauns and fairies, there didn’t seem to be any magical fairy godmother arriving to help either.
She groaned in frustration as she dug deeper, hating that she was putting this much thought into a casual night out at a bar. She couldn’t help it, though; she wanted to look good when Finn saw her. No, not just good… amazing. And she hated that too. Since she’d met him, she hadn’t felt the need to be anything more than herself. That was what she liked most about being with him. But somewhere along the way, he’d lost interest in her. So, if that meant she had to up her game, she was willing to give it a try.
Just as she was about to give up and throw on what she hoped was a flattering pair of jeans, her fingers touched something soft and almost silky. She felt her heartbeat race embarrassingly as she pulled her favorite little black dress from the bottom of herclothes. Favorite was probably an unfair word for something she’d never actually worn. She’d seen it online and fallen in love. It was something she’d tried on multiple times since but refused to venture out in. There was never an occasion to warrant it. She lived in a beach town where shorts, T-shirts, and flip-flops were the norm in the summer and jeans and sweatshirts were the norm in the winter. She’d told herself it would be perfect for one of the nights leading up to Bonnie’s wedding, relegating it to the back of her closet to wait for that day. Leave it to Bonnie to dig that deep and add it in. At this moment, she was too grateful to be annoyed.
Trying it on, she made a conscious effort to focus on the positives. Her biceps looked fantastic; that was something. Also, she didn’t have to worry about ironing. It clung to every curve, smoothing out the damage done by travel. But it didn’t fit the way it had the last time she’d tried it on. There was definitely more clinging and curving going on. She ran her hands down her stomach, frowning at her image in the mirror.
She was just about to reach down and pull it back over her head when her door burst open. She froze as if caught in the act of something illicit.
“Uh, WOW!” Bonnie squealed in such a way that Penny couldn’t help but smile. Her friend was back.
“I’m taking it off,” she said quickly. Even her joy at seeing Bonnie back to herself couldn’t overcome her insecurities.
“You are not!” Bonnie said, stepping forward to grab her hands before she could do anything. Then, she forcibly turned her to look at herself in the mirror. “You look gorgeous!”
“No,” Penny shook her head uncomfortably, as her freed hands moved again to run over her stomach, covering it.
“Stop that,” Bonnie insisted. “This,” she indicated the image in the mirror, “is perfection. Curves are beautiful. You werebecoming a stick. And to be honest, I was worried about you. In this, you have boobs and an ass. You are absolutely beautiful.”
“I’m overdressed,” Penny said, looking for any excuse to take the dress off now.
“If you hadn’t noticed, people here tend to dress up. You’re in a city—a European one. Jeans and a T-shirt aren’t gonna cut it. This is perfect.”
Penny made a point of looking at Bonnie’s outfit and had to admit she looked divine in a pink flowing summer dress and her white sandals.
“Okay. But maybe a cardigan?”
“For the walk there. And that’s it. You are showing this off.”
“So maybe I would have been good enough for Carson in a dress like this?” She couldn’t help herself. The words were out before she knew what she was doing. She hated herself for saying them. But she also knew he was the reason she bought the dress. She wanted him to see what he’d missed out on. She wanted him to be sorry.
“Carson?” Bonnie waved the name away. “Felix’s Carson?”
“Yes. Carson Whitfield.” The name almost caught in her throat, but she pushed it out.
“Why would you even mention him? You and Carson would never work.” With that, Bonnie turned sharply and headed out of the room. “I’m almost ready. Meet me downstairs in twenty.”
Penelope held herself tightly together until the door shut. Only then did she feel the sting like a slap across the face. Still not good enough. Even after all the work she’d put in, her own best friend still didn’t think she was good enough.
“Feck it,” she spat out at the mirror. The Irish swear rolled from her lips, releasing some of her pain. She removed her hands from where she held them crossed over her stomach, placing them on her hips.
“Feck all of ‘em.”
