And the crack in my chest expands, swallowing up all the hopes and dreams I’d had. I’d finally allowed myself to wanta family. I let the visions form. Children’s laughter running through the house. Link’s strength wrapping us all up in his safety. A white dress, babies, a nice home, and a couple of kittens. But it’s gone. Crushed under the heavy blow of his words.
I do all I can to fight the tears. Crying makes you weak. All those tears. All those wailing sobs coming through the walls. I don’t want to break.
“When I get back from out east, I’ll look for a place.”
And the dam breaks. The sadness comes pouring out. The tears wrack through me as he starts the truck and drives us back up the mountain. Never saying a word. Never offering comfort. Never pulling me into his arms and making me feel safe and protected. And I cry, wailing sobs from the rejection.
He won’t need to bother looking for a place. When he gets back, I won’t be here.
16
Link
This place is too fucking loud. The smells, the people…the distance. It’s all causing a pounding headache, but I can’t go to my room. When I’m locked in the silence, all I can hear are her heartbreaking sobs. All I see are the tears streaming down her face as her body is wracked with her pain. Pain that I caused.
“Drink this.” A glass slams down in front of me, right over the place of the wooden table that I’d been burning a hole into with all the hatred I have for my choices. Rogue pulls up the chair next to me, straddling it backwards. “You gonna share what the fuck is going on with you? Or do I need to take you out back and knock you the fuck out of it?”
“Just dealing with some shit, man.” I lift the glass and gulp down a sip. The burn can’t even rid me of the ache burning in my chest. It hurts so fucking much. Didn’t know the pain would nearly take me out, but I’m barely gettin’ through. I thought I’dbe able to distract myself with the shit going down out here, but being this far away from my girl is destroying me.
She’s not my fucking girl anymore, is she?
“This shit have anything to do with the little firecracker you’re in love with?” My eyes pop up. “Don’t act like it’s some big secret. We all have eyes, man. We just want to know why the fuck you haven’t claimed her yet. That girl is the best damn thing to happen to this club in ages. If it weren’t for Shay, ain’t none of us would’ve made it through this last year.”
He’s damn right about that. Her tender heart and those sweet giggles offered a bit of light through that dark tunnel we were all digging our way out of. But Rogue doesn’t understand.
“It’s not gonna happen, man.” I douse that truth with another swig of my drink. We called it quits.” I broke her heart and watched the spirit burn right out of her eyes.
“What the hell happened? Last week you two were all fucking smiles, sneaking around, acting like you had rainbows shooting out of your ass.”
That’s because that girl made me so fucking happy, I couldn’t even force a frown if I wanted to. But then we ran into Melinda Williams and that cloud nine I’d been living on evaporated in one fell swoop. Reality checked me hard in the gut and reminded me of truths I’d been carelessly ignoring.
“I got a wakeup call. Someone from my past reminded me of my role in that girl’s life.” And that I’m too old for her.
“Let me ask you a question, Link, and I want you to dig deep and be real fucking honest with yourself. How are you going to feel without that girl in your life? More importantly, how are you going to feel when you have to watch some other son of a bitch lay his hands all over her? Huh? How are you gonna feel then?”
My hand grips the fucking glass so hard it’s on the verge of shattering. I don’t have to dig deep for an answer. It’s bleedingthe life out of my heart. There’s no way I could sit back and watch her with another man. I’d have to kill myself first.
“Exactly what I thought,” he states, tipping his chin. His voice is so even and steady while the rage is thundering in my head. “So then why are you still sittin’ here?”
I stare him down, feeling every single one of his words ringing in my ears and pounding in my chest. A future without her is playing out in my mind. Every direction my thoughts take I step on another explosion of pain. Her with another man, her pregnant and round with someone else’s child, her never speaking to me again. Never looking at me with those dreamy eyes. Never whispering the three words that I spent my life longing to hear.
I pick up my phone, scrolling down to Shayna’s number, and I press call. It goes straight to voicemail, which means it’s either dead or she’s blocked my number.
I scroll down to Dagger.
“What’s up, man?”
“Hey. I just tried to reach Shay, but she’s not answering. Can you go to her room and put her on the phone for me?” I know she’s upset and trying to ignore me, but there’s something really important I need to tell her. I’m coming for her and she better be ready.
“Yeah,” he says, sounding as if he’s shifting off his bed. His heavy footsteps fill the background of my heavy breathing. “Yo, Shay!” I hear the knock. My lungs seize as I wait to hear her voice. “Shay!” Another knock and then my stomach drops as Dagger’s voice raises with alarm. “Where the fuck is she, and where the hell are her things?”
My heart stops. She’s gone.
“She’s not here.” I hear a female voice say on Dagger’s end. It sounds like his sister, Wynter.
“Where’d she go?” he’s asking, his voice just as tight as the grip the panic has around my heart. “Don’t fucking shrug your shoulders. Answer me, Wynter.”
“She said she was going to stay with a friend until she found a place. That’s all I know.”
