“And you, young lady. Are you staying out of trouble?” She gives Shay a pointed look, before giving her a teasing wink. “Any lucky young man in your life? You’re still young yet, so I probably shouldn’t be asking.”
I swear every time the woman opens her mouth, she fires off another round at my good conscience, making me feel like a creepy bastard. She keeps pointing out facts I’ve been trying to ignore, but the truth can’t be denied. Shayna is young. And I’m supposed to be a role model for her, not someone who preys on her in the middle of the night, doing everything I can to violate her body.
“I am having fun,” Shayna says, and her voice has me looking up. “I’m actually seeing someone.” I shake my head in warning. She better not tell her it’s me. She better keep her mouth closed.
“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Melinda cheers. “I hope he’s a nice young fella with good values. Has your dad here met him yet? Does he approve?” She looks to me, giving me a teasing wink, and I’ve just been blasted with another round of shame. She just called me her father, wondering whether I approve of the man Shayna’s in bed with. No, I don’t fucking approve. If I were her dad, I’d have a real problem with some thirty-six-year-old man trying to date my twenty-three-year-old daughter. Not to mention if she came home and said he was a member of a motorcycle club, has killed a man in his life, and is brutally obsessed with her. I’d be locking her in her room and showing up at my door with a rifle in hand to blast the guy in the dick.
“I haven’t met him yet,” I state before Shayna can respond and say something she shouldn’t. “But I think she’s too young to settle down. She needs to grow up a bit and have some life experiences before she even considers marriage. Seems to me like it’s just a casual fling though, so there’s nothing to worry about.”
Shayna’s shoulders visibly tense and another wounded look crosses her face, and that good mood she was in is long gone. But what I just said is right. Despite what I want, despite my feelings for the girl, she should be out living life and dating. She shouldn’t be locked down at that clubhouse serving drinks to a bunch of growly men. She should be enjoying this time of her life. Not getting her ass spanked for wearing a short skirt.
“Listen to this father of yours.” Melinda winks at the girl, rubbing the shame in further. “He knows what he’s talking about. Well, I better get on inside and pick up my dinner. I’ve got a busy day at work in the morning. Too many kids and too little time. It was really great running into you two though. Reminds me of why I get up every day to do my job. You both be well. And make sure you keep in touch, you here?”
She gives us both a hug and then heads into the restaurant and I’m stuck in the heels of my disgust. Regret piling on by the second.
“Come on,” I bark at the girl. “Let’s go.”
15
Shayna
“What was that?” I ask as soon as we get into his truck. “Why’d you lie to her?”
He whips his head in my direction, cutting a glare so sharp that I feel it to the core. I’ve never seen this look in his eyes before, and it’s scaring me.
“Because us being together is wrong. You heard her. I’m the closest thing to a father figure you have. You think I want her thinking of me as a predator?”
“You’re not a predator!” And if anyone ever accused him of such, they’d be wrong. We’re two consenting adults, and he fought his attraction for me for an entire year. If he wanted to prey on me, he would’ve done so the first night I arrived. He could’ve slipped inside my bed and done anything he wanted to me, but he never even tried to touch me. He provided support and safety, and maybe one too many rules, but he never didanything to manipulate or force me into anything. I fell with my own heart and I fell hard.
“I don’t care what she thinks, Lincoln.”
She’s a sweet woman with a good heart, but her opinion isn’t my anchor point in life. If she has a problem with us being together, so be it. My happiness isn’t dependent on her acceptance of who I love.
“Icare what she thinks, Shayna. Because it’s not just her. It’s my brothers. It’s the world. It’s all the people who will look at us and think I’m too old to be with a girl as young as you. If I walked into my old precinct wanting to show off my woman, they’d all want to put me in handcuffs the moment they saw you and realized you were that little girl that kept showing up in trouble. They may think I was the reason for your outbursts.”
“But you weren’t, so why would it matter? We both know the truth, Link.” And he hasn’t seen those men for years. If he showed up to the precinct, the only reason they’d want to cuff him is for that one-percent badge on his leather cut. “Is that why you haven’t told the guys about us yet? Is that why you haven’t made your claim?”
Rory told me exactly what happens when a man finds his “one.” He goes in front of the men and makes his official claim and then there’s a celebration much like an engagement party afterwards because that’s kind of what it is. Once you’ve claimed your old lady, the wedding is just a formality.
All this time he’s been telling me there was too much going on right now with the club, and I believed every word. I thought he was right not to bring his relationship to the forefront of everyone’s minds when there’s so much going on. Important things that require focus and attention. It’s not the time for a celebration. But now… I’m realizing it was all a lie.
“I told you it wasn’t a good time.”
I’m starting to get the feeling it’s never going to be a good time.
“So, then what? How long am I going to be your dirty little secret, Lincoln?”
The look that crosses his face sinks my heart to the bottom of the ocean that is expanding between us. There’s a distant feeling creeping in and it’s bringing waves of nausea. One three-minute conversation and everything’s changed.
“No. You’re not going to be my dirty secret. You’re…” His head drops as he bangs his fist on the steering wheel, and I feel the sting of his anguish burning in my eyes, threatening to slip free.
“Say it.” I need him to finish his thought. I need to know where we stand. My heart feels like it’s being squeezed tighter and tighter, and I can’t take much more. “Tell me what I mean to you.”
“I don’t know, Shayna,” he breathes on a sigh, and the words cut so deep I can barely see through the pain. My safety net tears down the center, ripping my emotions to shreds. He told me he loved me. He whispered the words in my ear night after night, telling me how special I am. He told me I’d never know how much I meant to him. And now…now he doesn’t know.
But the truth is buried right under his unknowing. He’s letting the guilt win. He’s letting me go. I can feel it.
“This entire situation is a fucked-up mess.” He shakes his head. “Melinda is right about you being young. And she’s right about me being the only father you have in your life. I’m supposed to be looking out for you. I’m supposed to let you be young and experience life. I’m not supposed to shove you to your knees and make you submit to me. I’m an old bastard who’s taken advantage of your vulnerabilities.”
