I swallow hard, once, twice, three times, and it’s obvious to me that my issues are worsening down here.
“You do realize that you would have a better chance of bad things not happening if you made it out the door? Home isn’t too far away, you know. What’s stopping you? What’s the bad thing?”
I shouldn’t even be tempted to tell him, but the words crawl to the tip of my tongue. I force my mouth to close and my hand too, as I wrap it around Dollie’s smaller one.
“Oh… I see. You’re worried I’ll hurt her like I’ve hurt you.”
He’s already hurt her, but at least her body isn’t different colors of the rainbow, like mine. Red, where I bleed. Purple, where I’ve bruised. Pink, where he’s gripped me too hard.
That can’t happen to her.
I can’t let it.
Colin rises, and water drips from his clothes.
An ominous echo plays each time a droplet hits the water. Dollie hears it, too, always so sensitive to any sound she doesn’t make. She nuzzles into my side, trying to shield her ears against me and one of her shoulders.
“Dollie…” She isn’t safe here. And why should we both die down here if one of us can get away? “You gotta run!”
I spin, pushing her away, silently praying she doesn’t fall.
Her bandy legs splash through the water, and luckily, she stays on her feet.
“Now, I will fucking hurt her.” Colin storms around me, probably thinking I can’t move, but he doesn’t get far.
I break my routine by jumping at him and latching onto his leg. I wrap all my limbs around him and don’t let go with the first, second, or third kick to my stomach.
“No! You don’t get to touch her. You don’t get to touch her. You don’t get to touch her,” I repeat, but it still doesn’t feel right.
Three is my lucky number.
It should feel right.
But all I feel is pain.
“Keep trying.” Colin’s horrid, hoarse voice comes in and out of my consciousness. It’s even harsher and colder than before, laced with a kind of panic I thought only Dollie and I felt while down here.
A strange pressure thuds against my chest. A pair of trembling lips against my cold ones breathe air into my mouth.
“Harder.”
Water rushes up my throat, and I choke on it as it spills out of my mouth.
A tiny hand rubs my back as I roll to my side.
My fingertips turn white as I grip the edge of the dresser while I lie on top of it.
Splash, splash, splash. I blink my eyes at the sound, expecting Colin to be nearing.
My vision returns fully to see him stomping up the stairs. The words, “Thank fuck,” slip out before he slams the door.
Dollie’s tiny hand is still on my back, tormenting me with circles.
“Dollie, stop. You’re doing circles. Stop.” I push myself up and collapse against her, almost knocking her to the floor.
“I’m sorry,” she says in a whisper.
Somehow, her tiny body steadies us both while I struggle through shallow and painful breaths.
