A panicky feeling shoots through my body, and I’m immediately on edge when she doesn’t say more.
“Care to share?”
Sighing heavily, she leans into me as she intertwines our fingers and squeezes my palm. “I’m so happy for my sister. I truly adore Jax and wish them all the happiness in the world.”
“That sounds like a good thing,” I point out as I wait for the other shoe to drop.
My heartbeat pounds in my ears in such strong competition of the roaring ocean in front of us. I barely hear her say, “It’s a very good thing.”
“Then what’s wrong?” I ask hesitantly.
“I never was the type who wanted the kind of love they have for each other.”
This isn’t where I thought our conversation would go. “What do you mean?” I ask cautiously.
“I’ve never had any intention of getting serious with anyone.” She’s said that before. So where is she going with this?
“But…” I draw out, then quickly ask the question I need answered, “why are you telling me this now?”
“You,” she says, as if it explains everything so simply—though as far as I’m concerned, it’s about as clear as mud.
“Me… what do I have to do with anything?”
“Everything.” Again, the answer is simple in her mind and vague as fuck in mine.
“Before you, I was adamant thatI don’t do relationships,” she emphasizes, and of course, my curiosity is piqued.
My heart thuds in my chest as I finally see where this conversation is going. “Is there a particular reason?”
“I kept people at a distance, so I wouldn’t get hurt,” she admits.
I can’t imagine anyone not liking this beautiful woman. “How would they hurt you?”
“It’s simple.” She shrugs as she rubs her fingers up and down my arm. “They left.”
“Who do you mean?” I know she lost her grandmother recently, but everyone else is still very much in her life.
“Since meeting you, I’ve done a lot of thinking. It hit me yesterday after Lizzy knocked some sense into me that I’m keeping you at bay because I’m afraid of losing you, too.”
“You just barely got me. Do you think I’d be a fool to let you go so soon?” I counter, trying to get her to see that I have no intentions of going anywhere.
Then I process her words again.Losing you, too.
Hesitantly, I ask, “Just who else have you lost in your life?”
Shrugging, she whispers sadly, “Everyone.”
“Okay, I’m completely lost. Please explain because I’m so confused.”
“How do I put this so you’ll understand? Hmmmm…. I guess what it boils down to is everyone I’ve come to love leaves me in one way or another.”
Clearly, she’s mistaken. This makes no sense.
Her heavy sigh has the muscles in my chest pulling tight and my shoulders tense. “Explain more, please.”
“Okay, I swear. I’m not a drama queen having a pity party. But the reality is, every single person that I’ve grown to love has just up and left at one point in my life. It started with my dad. Being divorced from my mom early on was an adjustment for all of us. Then with him being in the military, he was often gone away on missions, making us miss our scheduled visitations with him for months on end. Even though Mom and Dad worked hard to keep us in one school district most of our lives, I hadto make new friends often. With their parents being in the military, they only stayed for six months to maybe two years, if I was lucky, before their family was stationed somewhere else. My friend group had a constant revolving door. I learned from an early age, not to count on anyone but my sisters, and I truly believed I didn’t need anyone else if I had them.”
My heart feels as if it’s getting squeezed out of my chest as I patiently wait for her to finish this story. When tears form in her eyes, the organ beating behind my ribs may as well be ripped to shreds.
