The past three days have been long and all I’ve wanted to do is drop onto the hotel bed at the end of the day on Thursday, but the guys insist on meeting for dinner and have been trying a new place each night.Tonight’s location was suggested by the program manager at our contractor’s office.He says we would enjoy the small town vibe that this place gives off and the food is better than a five-star restaurant any day.
So we went, but I decided to drive separately, just in case I want to leave earlier than the others.The Pub was about a twenty five minute drive from our hotel and it was so far in the country, I couldn’t believe a place like this actually existed.This is probably the only restaurant here, smack dab in the middle of aHallmarkmovie set town.I kind of like it; the houses surrounding the town square are very reminiscent of what Ellie described as her dream home.I grabbed a parking spot and looked around, folding my sunglasses as I walked in the building.
It was cozy and I was expecting to only be meeting up with my group, but it looks like several of our counterparts decided to join in as well.We took up a good chunk of the indoor seating with three tables pushed together to form one massive dining table.I sat in the middle where there was an empty seat next to Davis and ordered a drink, taking it all in.I wonder if Ellie comes here to grab carry-out on a Friday night, or if she drops quarters into that jukebox in the back.
“This place is great!”Davis says to one of the ladies sitting across from us.She smiles and nods in agreement.
“It really has that ‘Welcome to our hometown’feel.”
We ordered food and everyone chatted; I mostly people-watched, quietly trying not to have a heart attack every time the door chimes and it’s not Ellie I see walking in.I try to distract myself with idle conversation but now we’ve finished our food and sat here for almost two hours, and I’ve talked with the waitress and hostess enough to make them think I want to buy a house and move in across the street when I notice a young couple come in.
They patiently wait at the front, chatting it up with the hostess while their table is prepared.They must be about sixteen, I think, and he looks so familiar.I watch as he points at our table and says something to the hostess, then he does something that hit my heart, making me wonder why more kids aren’t like him, why wasn’t I like him when I was his age?He stands next to Egin at the end of the table and says, “Excuse me, sir, I just wanted to say thank you for your sacrifice and service.”He smiled at the table and then followed his girlfriend to the back of the restaurant where they were seated.
I continued to watch them for a while, until everyone decided it was time to head out.They captivated me, these kids, and I found it hard to take my eyes off of them.I caught myself staring, thinking about how they reminded me of the meals I shared with Ellie.He watches her when she doesn’t think he’s looking and it’s amazing how complete strangers can make me feel like I’m watching a movie playback of my life in real-time.
I stop our waitress and tell her that I’d like to pay for their meal, and I wait until it’s clear she has told them their meal has been covered before I walk to the door.But something stops me, makes me turn around and lookone moretime.The boy is staring at me, and I’ll be damned if I’m not looking straight into a mirror.Chills ran up my neck and I nodded in acknowledgment, turning to leave before something breaks me down right here in this small town restaurant.
* * *
I made my way back to the hotel and practically ran through the lobby to get to the elevator.Once the door closed, I felt like I could breathe again, and my heart began to relax.One more day of meetings, I can get through this.I tell myself this several more times while the elevator brings me up to the sixth floor and I make it to my room.
When I’ve finished my shower, I realized that I need to wash my flight suit; I spilled coffee on it this morning when I overfilled my mug, and I can’t bring myself to wear it tomorrow with a big coffee stain on the leg.
There’s a guest laundry room at the end of the hall, so I grabbed my notebook and sat in the back of the room with only the muffled sounds of the washer and wrote a letter:
Dear Ellie Belly,
You don’t know how much I’ve been praying that I run into you this week and at the same time, how much I’ve thanked God that I haven’t run into you yet.I’m so conflicted.I’m dying to find you, I don’t want to wait another three years for you, for us, for love to be back in my life.
I saw some kids tonight at dinner.They reminded me of us.And I don’t know what it was about him, but the boy looked like me.Maybe it was just because I was seeing me in him, but I can’t shake the feeling that I know him from somewhere.
You’re like the flame that sets me on fire
When I think I’m burned out, you reignite my desire
You’re the ripple in my ocean
Rocking me off my feet with waves of emotion
You’re the thunder to my storms
When the raindrops take over in swarms
How do I live one more day
When you and I are a world away
I have one more day here Ellie.If the world thinks we should be together, I really hope tomorrow I’ll see you somewhere.
Love Always,
Lee
* * *
The dryer buzzed, indicating that my load was done, and I snapped out of my trance, grabbed my clothes, and went back to my hotel room.The number of times my life faded in and out like I only existed halfway was growing bigger and bigger and if I didn’t start living all the way soon, I think I might fold in on myself.I’m sure this is not how I was meant to survive this twenty year protection order.I sat on the edge of my bed and in the words of Dane, I said out loud: “Fuck that order!”
Before I leave Virginia tomorrow, I’m looking Ellie up and I’m going to find her.
