God, I miss your eyes, your hair, your touch.Ellie, you’re the reason I believe in love so much.Without you with me, there’s no such thing.I don’t know what else to do, I’m going crazy here.But you know, I’d do anything.Just tell me, how many times can I tell you I love you to make you want to come back.Going on anymore without you is killing me inside.
I love you
I’ve always loved you
I’ll never stop loving you
Love Always,
Lee
* * *
I saw Steff today and she already knew when she saw me that I wanted to know if she had heard from Ellie.It’s been a week since I asked last.Before starting, she sighed heavily.This could only mean shehadheard from Ellie, and it wasn’t good.She tells me she talked to her dad, and he mentioned there was a guy named Wes that’s been coming around recently.He didn’t know what the deal was with him; he was pretty sure he was just a friend that she reconnected with, but she’s been sick with heartache and still hadn’t come around to wanting to take my calls.I don’t want to force her to talk to me; aside from not having the money yet, that’s the only reason I haven’t flown myself out to Virginia to show up at her front door.I know I need to give her the space she needs in order to allow me back into her life.I only hope she comes around soon because this space is killing me.
I’m gutted.
I feel like someone punched me.
I can’t find my breath.
* * *
Dane and Ezra are gone, they went away to college months ago, and I’ve been working as many hours as I can to save up enough money to get myself to Virginia.But I’ve also been getting myself into the wrong scene.
When I found out that Maggie was lying about the pregnancy, I cut myself off from everyone except Steff and the guys.I found myself at the corner store buying liquor from anyone who would sell it to me and when I wasn’t drunk off my ass or working, I was locked up in my room, writing her letters.
Until one night – it was after midnight when I finished at a job site and walked to the corner store as usual, leaning up against the side of the building with my eyes closed, downing the liquid from a paper bag.
An older man in a hoodie approached me and shakes his head at me, “Man, I’ve seen you here, night after night, wasted and wasting your youth away.”
“Yeah.”I took another swig.“I don’t have much going for me these days.”I tell him, looking back up at the sky.
“What if I were to make you an offer, something that would surely keep you busy enough to take your mind off whatever is bothering you … make you lots of money too?”He’s waiting for an answer, a toothless smile appearing on his face as I take my eyes away from the stars to look at him.
“What kind of money?”I ask.
“Couple grand a week.”He tells me, “Alls you have to do is run a few errands, keep your mouth shut and stay off the po-po radar.”
“Can I quit whenever I want to?”
“Sure, sure.”
I don’t hesitate, anything is better than the feeling of drowning in self-pity and sorrow, and a couple grand a week would get me to Virginia in no time.“Okay, I’m in.”I reach my hand out to shake his.“What do I need to do?”
He gave me a green pager and told me when it goes off, I’m supposed to meet a black Cadillac one block over by the streetlight on the corner of Maple and Oak.The driver would give me the details and I would get cash when the job was done.
I ran errands for the boss in between my regular construction jobs for two months, and I quit drinking.The dirty jobs kept me busy, just like the old man had told me they would, and the pay was good, really good.
For the most part, the jobs were quick and easy, and I was paid for my part without much effort or fear that I was in danger.Tonight's job was different though.It wasn't just a routine drug drop-off.This time, I was tasked with delivering a package to a rundown warehouse on the outskirts of town.The place reeked of piss, graffiti crawling up its walls like dark vines.My breath misted in the cold air as I approached the entrance, with my heart pounding away.
The sound of my footsteps echoed eerily in the empty building.I looked around, making sure that I wasn’t being followed, before pushing open a creaking door.Behind the door was a dimly lit room filled with crates and broken machinery.The lights flickered, casting shadows that danced across the grimy floor and I moved forward cautiously.
Two men stepped out from the darkness, guns drawn and pointed directly at me.A third man approached, clad in a heavy hooded coat that covered his face.I swallowed hard, my nerves tingling as I handed over the duffel bag.There was no exchange of words; the man just took it and inspected the contents before nodding.
"Good job," came a voice that sent shivers down my spine.It was cold and raspy, cutting through the silence like a knife."You've been reliable, kid."
I nodded quietly, knowing better than to talk toBig Boss.I knew I shouldn’t ask anything, but I was nearing my goal of having enough saved up for my move and the fear of my choices gripped my throat tighter tonight than ever before.
