She was quick to grab the trash can next to my bed and bring it over in time for me to throw up.Placing the clipboard down on my bed, she held my hair back with her free hand and talked me through this until I was able to calm down and breathe normally.
I asked the nurse if she would be okay with staying in the room with me while I told my dad the news.
“Absolutely.”She patted the bed and told me she would be right back with my dad.It wasn’t that I was scared of him being angry with me,I was, but I thought maybe he would need her support more than I did.Being a single dad was tough on him, I know, but being a single dad who is about to be told his only daughter is now a teen pregnancy statistic?
Dad walked into my room, followed by the nurse and I just started crying.The nurse crossed over to the other side of my bed, laying her hand on my shoulder.“It’s okay, emotions are high right now.Just take your time.”
“Dad.”I breathed in slowly.I looked at him, trying to figure out how to say this.There really isn’t a good way to put this kind of news.“You asked me to come home in one piece and I’m sorry that I think I came home broken.”
“No, Ellie.”He took a step closer so that he was touching the bed now.“Love is a hard thing, but I can tell you for certain, that your broken heart will heal with time.”
“It’s not that, Dad.Well, it is.”I looked at the nurse who nodded for me to go on.“I’m broken because there’s another part of me now.I’m sorry that I’m not your good little girl anymore.I’m sorry that I’m a disappointment.I’m sorry that …” I lowered my voice to a whisper for the rest of my sentence, “I’m pregnant.”
Dad looked from me to the nurse and then back to me; tears began welling up in his eyes.“Oh, Ellie, you’ll always be my little girl.You can never be a disappointment to me.We’ll figure this out.I promise.We’ll get through this.”
Crying
Crying
Crying
There were tears flooding the room from all three of us and it took several minutes for everyone to calm down long enough to realize that a doctor had entered the room.She introduced herself as the resident OB/GYN and said she was going to be doing an exam, followed by an ultrasound to date the pregnancy.
My dad took that time to excuse himself from the room.“I’ll be in the waiting area, Ellie.Just have the nurse come get me when you’re ready.”He closes the door without making a noise and the doctor proceeds with her exam.She tells me that everything appears to be right on track and explains how the ultrasound will work.Because I’m already about three months along, they will do an abdominal ultrasound, and she squeezed some cold goo on my belly before moving an instrument around in circles.She told me to look at the monitor next to me and pointed out what we were seeing; a baby measuring right on schedule at eleven weeks and three days with a strong heartbeat of 174bpm.
She looked at me sympathetically as she took her time cleaning off my stomach, before saying “This is all going to be okay, Ellie.You’re not the first sixteen-year-old girl to have a baby and I promise you; you won’t be the last.You have an entire support system that will help get you and your baby safely through this pregnancy.The first step will be to make a follow-up appointment with an OB/GYN office; it doesn’t have to be mine, but I would love to see you through this.”She placed her business card on the table beside my bed and told me I could get dressed and she would send my dad in so we could go home.
Chapter Twenty-Three
LEE
17 years earlier
Every day she’s not here with me and doesn’t return my calls is another day I feel like I’m dying inside.It’s been four months and I’ve sent her emails, paged her with our code, left messages and written her letters but she still refuses to let me explain.She won’t even talk to me.
What happened wasn’t even real… it can’t be.I swear, this is just a nightmare that I’ll wake up from any minute.
It was perfect.
She was perfect.
We were perfect.
I started another letter to her tonight; I just need to get some things off my chest, and I really wanted to tell her something that I needed her to know.
Dear Ellie Belly.
I’ve tried to call you a million times and I wish you would pick up the phone.I know you’re angry but if you could just hear me out, we could be okay.
I call mercy over you.
Make the pain stop, I’m seeing blue.
You don’t know what you do to me.
You’re my end, can’t you see.
I don’t want to be just another boy you’ve slept with, Ellie; I want to be the last.I want to be your forever, so I want you to remember this.Please listen when I tell you, I’m not like every other boy that you've met.They were all nothing and made it easy for you to forget.But I think I mean more than that to you.YOU mean more than that to ME.
