“I see you,” she murmured. “The way you wish to be seen.”
Austin searched her face. For a moment, Lavender felt a bite of fear, realizing how wildly inappropriate she was being at the moment. She was an unchaperoned, unmarried woman in a man’s home. If others were to find out about this, they would not care that said man was her intended. The scandal that could come out of this…she didn’t want to think about it. She wouldn’t. The only person she cared about right now was sitting before her.
“Lav…”
She felt so many things in this moment. Fear, uncertainty, longing, want. Above all, she felt something fearsome crashing into her at the whisper of her name, capable of tearing her into small bits at the slightest touch. Lavender knew what it meant at that moment, even though she didn’t dare to think the words. She only needed to exist in this moment. This beautiful, all-consuming moment.
She opened her mouth, hoping the right words would pour out. “Austin, I—”
His lips came crashing down on hers. Lavender’s heart hitched in her throat then ceased to beat altogether. His arm snaked around her waist, tugging her into his chest. Just like everything else in his life, he took what he wanted and Lavender was more than happy to comply.
But the kiss was gentler than she expected, tender. Though he held her as if he didn’t want to ever let her go, he kissed her as if she were precious and fragile, soft touches and a loving swipe of the tongue. Lavender thought she might have moaned against his lips. Maybe that was him? Either way, she didn’t want this moment to ever end.
Her prayers fell on deaf ears. All too soon, he pulled away, but stayed close enough. “We shouldn’t do this,” he murmured.
Lavender couldn’t help her smile of amusement. “I did not think you to be the type who cares about society’s etiquette.”
“I don’t.” His voice was rougher than she’d ever heard it, his attention moving from her lips to her eyes then back to her lips. “But I know that you do.”
That touched her in ways that she could hardly manage. That feeling came rushing back again, overwhelming her to such a degree that she was forced to pull away before she said or did something foolish.
“You’re right,” she murmured, getting to her feet. Austin rose as well, not taking his eyes off her for a second. Being under such close scrutiny made her feel too aware of herself. Her disheveled, half-dried hair. Her slightly too big nightgown. Yet the look in his eyes…
“Come.” Austin took her hand without warning. Lavender smiled as he began leading her out of the library. They said nothing, their fingers entwined. There was nothing left to be said. They’d stepped into a new territory where he was no longer the uncouth, unwilling lord and she was no longer the excitable, plotting sister of a merchant. They were just man and woman, soon to be husband and wife. They were so much more than what she had needed initially.
A sense of peace settled over her as he led her back to the bedchamber she had changed in. He brought her as far as the bed and, for a moment, Lavender was almost certain—and excited—that he would crawl into the bed right next to her. But instead, he released her hand and took a small step back.
Lavender hid her slight disappointment as she got under the covers. The moment she did, he surprised her by leaning down topress a kiss on her forehead. Goodness, it was as if he wanted her to melt right into this bed.
“Goodnight, Lav,” he murmured softly.
“Goodnight, Austin,” she whispered.
The absence of his touch nearly had her calling him back. But Lavender said nothing as she watched him retreat to the door. Austin looked back only once, neither smiling nor scowling. But there was something on his face that sparked hope and happiness in the depths of her heart.
Then he was gone and Lavender was left alone, knowing all too well that there would be no hope of sleep tonight.
Chapter Seventeen
Austin didn’t sleep at all last night. Honestly, after everything that had happened, he was a little grateful that he couldn’t. A part of him was a little afraid to acknowledge the possibility of the enchanting pair of brown eyes following him into his dreams.
But she trailed his thoughts constantly, hounding him. He went from attempting to sleep to pacing his bedchamber to resigning himself to his study instead. No matter what he did, he could not get her out of his head. He could still feel the phantom touch of Lavender’s lips against his.
Dawn came far too slowly. Austin was exhausted by then, his lack of sleep the night before catching up to him. Even so, he felt oddly invigorated knowing that, in a matter of hours, Lavender would be up again.
He waited. He paced. He walked through the garden, distracting himself by admiring how everything looked put together despite the storm that had raged the night before. Now there was nothing but blue skies and a blazing sun, as if nothing had happened at all. When he thought the time was appropriate, he got Mr. Francis to have breakfast ready in the drawing room. Then he sat there, staring up at the portrait of the late countess wondering how his life had turned to this.
“My, you’re up early.”
Austin turned slowly, calmly, even though his heart skipped a beat and it felt as if every raging thought in his mind had quieted to nothing.
Lavender stood at the threshold of the drawing room, a small smile on her lips. She wore something different, a pale blue morning gown that he believed had once belonged to the late countess. It fit her far better than his late mother’s had. Austin swallowed, steeling his nerves and resisting the urge to take in every inch of her appearance before finally settling on her face.
She’d brushed her hair but didn’t bother to style it. He had to admit that he liked it that way, though she would look just as lovely with her hair done up in ringlets like the other ladies of theton. Watching her pad up to him with bare feet and her hair tumbling untethered down her back did something to him that he could not comprehend.
He cleared his throat and looked away. “Did you sleep well?”
“Not very,” she admitted, sitting in the chair across from him. “My mind was a little…preoccupied.”
