Lavender didn’t bother to wait for his response before sliding out of the armchair and sinking to the cool, wooden floor. It helped to ground her since her head was already beginning to spin. Downing such strong alcohol after sipping on wine at dinner was not a wise choice.
To her surprise, Austin hunkered down next to her. All of a sudden, Lavender remembered her state. She touched her hair and was horrified to find that it was quickly drying into knots. Not to mention the tear she had just shed would quickly turn her cheeksinto splotchy messes. And the sleeve of her dress would not stay up, for goodness sake.
She tugged it up, avoiding Austin’s eyes and the silence that settled over them.
“Perhaps I should have them find a dress that fits you better,” he mused after a moment.
“There’s no need,” she said quickly, her words slurring together. “This is quite fine. Quite a beautiful dress, I must say, which surprises me considering who it had belonged to.”
She froze, heart stilling. Why did she just say that? Had the scotch gone straight to her head rather than her stomach?
Lavender didn’t dare to look at Austin, afraid to see just how badly she had ruined the comfortable atmosphere that had settled between them.
“You’re right,” he said after a moment. “A mere maid possessing a gown as nice as that one is not often seen among our people. My father was simply a giving man. And he loved my mother in a way that he could never give the countess.”
Lavender didn’t know what to say at first. That was the most he had ever spoken about his father’s infidelity. She was on cracking ice, she realized. If she was careful, she might be able to make it to the other end where the full truth lay.
“What was she like?” she asked after a moment. “Your mother.”
He sat cross-legged, his back resting on the armchair. His eyes strayed to the unlit hearth instead of her, which was just fine. It gave her all the time she needed to look at him. Watching the shadows play over his face, the depth of his eyes as he fell into the past, the tick of his sharp jaw. Goodness, she’d always known that he was handsome but watching him now stole her breath away.
“She was…no one. And everything.” Austin’s voice was softer than she’d ever heard it, forcing her to lean in to listen. “She was only a maid and to men like my father, that should have meant nothing. But my father was not like other lords. Or perhaps my mother was not like most maids. For the most part, she stayed in her place, kept her head down, and remained out of sight. But when she was with my father, she was truly happy—despite what became of her after I was born.”
“What happened?” Lavender breathed.
“I do not know the details, I’m afraid. In my youth, I did not want to know anything about their affair because I was ashamed of it. I was ashamed of who I was because of it and I hated the way I was treated. Never a part of any world, a complete outcast.”
He laughed humorlessly. “Doesn’t it sound odd hearing such a thing from me? Perhaps that is why I am the way that I am now.”
“You are perfect the way that you are,” Lavender said without thought. His eyes darted to her and she quickly looked away, cheeks flaring with heat. “But it sounds as if your parents were truly in love.”
“As much as a lord and maid could be, but they were doomed to fail, of course.”
“Because of the late countess?’
“Among other societal pressures.” He sipped his drink. Lavender noticed it seemed a little more difficult for him to swallow this time.
“Did she ever…”
“Resent me?” Something passed over his face, warm and comforting. “No, she accepted me as one of her own, even though she could not forgive my father for what he had done. I have nothing but love and respect for her. For my parents as well, in their own way.”
Lavender shifted closer. “I must admit that it is quite a relief to know that you were treated kindly. So many others would not be able to say the same.”
Austin frowned at her, confused. “Why should you feel any relief at all?”
“Because you were accepted, despite it all. And while your peers might have treated you like an outcast, at least you did not have to suffer through the same thing in the comfort of your own home.”
He simply stared at her for a moment before he said, “I did not think about it that way.”
Lavender smiled and hoped it would distract him from the fact that she was inching closer still. “There is one more thing I wish to tell you, Austin.”
His nostrils flared. Despite that, he kept himself completely still. “What is that?”
“I am not afraid of you.”
Lavender did not know what came over her. Perhaps it was the darkness that washed the room or the raging storm outdoors. It could have been the cool flooring beneath them, the roar of alcohol in her veins, or perhaps the raw truth that had spilled from Austin’s lips. It could even be the way he looked at her right now, like she was a mythical beauty that he could hardly believe was real.
Whatever it was, Lavender latched onto it. She let it drive her actions until she was so close that she could feel his breath against her cheek. She raised a hand to his cheek, brushing a thumb across the rough stubble that was already starting to sprout.
