After I’d been dreaming about this moment for so long, now it only hurt more that it was too late, too impossible to change anything. Maybe someone stronger, wiser, braver thanme would choose to make the most of every moment, and deal with the future when it happened.
But I’d spent too long rereading Mum’s letters, weeping over what Nell Brown had lost, bearing the brunt of how the scars shaped her forever.
This brand-new, fledgling me was still too fragile to handle whatever Pip could offer.
I leant against his shoulder, neither of us bothering to hide our sadness.
‘I love you too. And I’m glad that you came. All of you. I will never be the same because of you and the island, but right now that’s mostly for good reasons. Let’s not start down a path that will inevitably ruin that.’
We talked for a while longer, but I needed to get home, and Pip would have to hurry to make the last flight to Siskin. In the end, Blessing insisted on driving him to the airport, despite the frost forming on the roads, and we spent a precious hour squeezed together on the bench in the cab, too forlorn to say much more.
‘Okay?’ my friend asked as we exited the airport drop-off zone.
‘I will be.’ I managed to almost sound as if I meant it too.
38
‘Pack an overnight bag,’ Blessing barked, bursting in my bedroom at 5a.m., which by the middle of December was two hours earlier than I usually woke up on non-event days.
‘What?’ I mumbled, bracing my eyes against the sudden glare from the light flicking on while noting that she’d at least had the decency to bring a mug of tea.
‘Last-minute booking, but it’s a bit of a trek so we’ll need to stay overnight.’
‘What?’ I asked again, dragging myself to a sitting position. ‘How is that going to work?’
‘The client is providing accommodation. I’ve checked it out; it’s all good.’
I accepted the mug. ‘Can I point out the small matter of what food we’re going to sell?’
‘I’d be alarmed if you didn’t.’ She plopped down on the empty side of the bed. ‘The Christmas market at Hatherstone have cancelled because a snowstorm’s been forecast for Wednesday. Which is even better reason for us to not be here. That leaves enough ingredients for today, if we top up on a few fresh items on the way.’
‘We’ve still got to make everything.’
‘Nope. After you crashed out last night, when I took the call, Ben came over. We have a truckload of pastry, fillings, and pot sausage all prepped and ready to go.’
I took a long sip of tea, hoping the caffeine burst would help me to come up with any other holes in Blessing’s ridiculously last-minute plan.
‘Come on, the short notice means a premium rate. Besides, it’ll be an adventure. Who knows what might come of it?’
‘I don’t know…’
‘Too late for that, they’ve paid a deposit. I’ll see you downstairs in twenty minutes. Oh, and pack enough for a few nights. We might decide to make the most of the cancellation and hang around for a bit.’
Due to having spent the vast majority of my life within the same county, I accepted Blessing’s explanation that we were heading to a small village near the Welsh coast, given that any more details would do nothing to enlighten me. Although this sudden booking wasn’t standard, and an overnight was new, we’d worked together long enough for me to trust her on this. After all, she reminded me, what was the worst that could happen?
I trusted her so much that I still didn’t click when we drove past the sign for the ferry port.
It was only when we turned off into the queue of waiting vehicles that I realised.
‘Where are we going?’ I demanded. Although I knew she’d never be so thoughtless as to book an event on Siskin, my jangling nerves needed it confirmed.
‘Isle of Man,’ Blessing said, with such an air of nonchalance, it should have aroused suspicion. ‘I didn’t tell you because I thought you might be weird about going to an island. But this one is completely different. It’s got tens of thousands of people, a proper town, and half-decent Wi-Fi for a start. Look, the ferry’s a good three hours and we have to stay in the truck, so you might as well catch up on some sleep.’
More fool me, I accepted the eye-mask and blanket she offered and made myself comfortable.
I woke up as we bumped down off the tiny vessel and into a port that, with a jolt, I immediately knew all too well – even if it had been transformed with Christmas lights twinkling through the fog.
‘What the hell?’ I whipped around to face Blessing, anger igniting inside me with a ferocity only matched by the irrepressible burst of joy at seeing Port Cathan again.
