All of them, that was, apart from one.
‘Look, you two need a proper conversation, and it’s freezing out here. Go on and find somewhere inside while I pack up,’ Blessing said, her tone leaving no room for arguments.
‘Is that okay?’ Pip asked hesitantly.
‘Well, you’re here now, so it’ll have to be,’ Blessing huffed as she opened the truck’s door and shooed me out. ‘Go on, I want to get back before the roads ice over.’
Rather than trespassing inside the farm, we trudged through the field and found a bench on the far side of the bonfire. Most of the guests had either left or retreated indoors, so we were able to talk freely. If only we were bold enough to say anything.
‘I still can’t believe we found you,’ Pip said, eventually breaking the silence.
‘I can’t believe you were looking,’ I added, ducking my head. All my memories of Pip were bathed in sunlight or balmy summer nights. Sitting here, the dying embers no match for December’s bitter chill, Pip being here felt like a dream.
‘Honestly? I’ve been searching on the Internet for weeks.’
‘No joy?’ I disguised my ripple of delight with a cold-induced shiver.
‘You’re a very elusive woman.’
I gave a shy smile. ‘I’ve never done social media. Even if Mum hadn’t conditioned me into thinking it was trash, I’ve not had enough friends and no family to keep up with, so there didn’t seem any point.’
‘I tried the professional networking sites, even joined a couple to get proper access. I couldn’t find your business details anywhere, let alone you.’
‘We have a new business. As you can see. And although I’ve always gone by Brown, my legal surname for professional activities is Swan.’ I shuffled close enough to give a playful nudge, relishing the warmth of another body. ‘What else did you try?’
‘I started hunting pasty shops, cafés, event catering, anything else I could think of.’
‘Even though I’d asked you not to?’
‘I wasn’t planning on coming to find you in person. I just wanted to know where you were. If you were okay. I promised in my letter that I’d not pester you.’ He sighed. ‘But it turned out my sisters had other ideas. They were obsessed.’
‘I only got the letter two weeks ago.’
He turned to look at me. ‘But you read it?’
‘It helped, knowing you didn’t hate me. Trying to get over you was harder because I couldn’t stop wondering if you blamed me for everything. At least I could let that go.’
‘You were still trying to get over me? A couple of weeks ago?’
I shook my head. ‘A couple of minutes ago. As soon as I drove up and saw that banner, I morphed into a gibbering wreck.’
‘And now?’
For a long moment, the only sound was the crackle of twigs, the faint thud of a disco bass from inside the house.
‘It’s lovely to see you. And I’m pleased your mum has got some help. But things have moved on since the summer. Blessing and I have worked so hard to get the food truck up and running. We share a house. Her brother works for us. I can’t simply disappear off to an island because I feel like it. We’ve got bookings for the next few months.’
Pip reached up and gripped his neck. The familiar gesture made me want to cry. I’d thought the island had changed things – made me believe it was possible to follow my heart, choosemefor the first time. But it wasn’t just me any more. I thought again about how Mum might have felt, taking on the responsibility of someone else’s baby, with no one to help her and everything weighing on the success of her little kiosk.
‘And you won’t start a relationship with me if it can’t go anywhere.’
‘How can we, when we know it’ll only break our hearts?’
Pip was quiet for a moment.
‘Would it make any difference if I said that I love you?’
I closed my eyes, as if that could lessen the impact of those words.
