While Arthur started a cycle of typing, deleting and then typing again, all the while muttering under his breath, I turned the conversation back to Isaac.
‘How about asking Mum and Dad? All the meals they’ve cooked you over the years; have you ever reciprocated?’
‘This is supposed to be a practice date, Jessie.’ Isaac frowned at me, starting to gather the empty plates up. ‘I’m not going to learn much spending the evening with Mum. “Ooh, darling, this chicken is raw in the middle, but an evening together is totally worth twenty-four hours of violent sickness and diarrhoea!”’
Arthur’s phone chimed, and as soon as he grabbed it, he jumped to his feet, pumping the air with his fist.
‘Yessss! A week today, baby!’
Elliot walked in at that point, dressed in his running gear.
‘Something to celebrate?’ he asked, fetching a glass of water.
‘Me and Elsa, next Friday night. Clear the kitchen, people, because we’re having pesto chicken and profiteroles!’
‘She said yes?’ Elliot grinned in surprise as he opened the door to let Penny out. ‘Way to go!’
Arthur gave me a smug smirk as Elliot left. ‘Oh, ye of little faith. I told you she was busy the other times!’
‘Or,’ I postulated, carrying the serving bowls over to the dishwasher, ‘the other times you were asking her to snoop about in a random graveyard, rather than for dinner.’
‘Or,’ Isaac said, watching his housemate carefully, before suddenly snatching his phone off him and reading the screen, ‘you told her it was a meeting to discuss visiting the Barn for a drop-in session about funeral planning! Dude, you’ve basically told her Jessie will be there.’
‘I’m sure Jessica will be here. Somewhere. It’s not like she has anywhere else to be.’
‘Rude!’ I retorted. ‘And that’s not really the point, Arthur. You can’t lure Elsa here under the pretext of a work meeting then spring a date on her.’
‘It isn’t a date,’ Arthur said, defensively. ‘We do need to talk about visiting the Barn. Wood’s lead a session twice a year and this time I volunteered. When I spoke to the vicar, Lara, she said it would be a good opportunity for the Outlaws to meet Elsa.’
‘You need to tell her it’ll only be the two of you. It’s creepy to spring that on someone,’ Isaac said. ‘Trust me, I’ve been there. It wasn’t great.’
‘Fine! Permission to use my phone again!’
This time Arthur dictated the message while I fetched dessert. ‘To clarify, Jessica may not be able to make it. Are you still happy to proceed if just the two of us?’
‘Yes again!’ he cried, a second later, jumping up and spinning around before coming to a stop with both fingers pointed at us like pretend guns. ‘It’s only a matter of time, ladies and gentlemen, before Elsa Larsson falls head over heels in love with me.’
‘Great, if that’s how we’re playing this.’ Isaac pulled out his own phone, typing as he spoke. ‘Perhaps Connie would like a meeting to discuss lessons learnt from our current wedding fiasco and how we can prevent it happening again. Due to the amount of extra time we’ve been having to spend at the Barn, I suggest meeting here. We can eat while we talk. My treat.’
We’d finished the profiteroles, the last of a bottle of wine and were on to coffee when Connie replied, right on cue, as the kitchen door opened and a panting Penny and Elliot came in.
‘Yes!’ Isaac jeered. ‘Clear the kitchen, people, because Tuesday night Connie’s coming around for a mezze plate, pesto chicken, rainbow salad and po-ta-toes! Boom! Second date, baby!’
‘Connie, and Wilf,’ Elliot added, glancing at the phone over Isaac’s shoulder as he grabbed the towel to wipe Penny’s paws.
‘A work meeting, with her eight-year-old in tow. It’s definitely not a date.’ I scrunched up my nose in sympathy.
‘So, if I remember correctly. For once. Arthur’s having Elsa for dinner, and now Isaac is cooking for Connie.’ Elliot raised his eyebrows. ‘Both your dream women, and you haven’t even finished the first task. Huh.’
‘One could suggest that this demonstrates we don’t need you after all,’ Arthur said, turning to me.
‘Alternatively, one couldsuggestthat after being turned down four times in a row, Jessie gets on board and within a week, Elsa’s agreed to dinner. I’d suggest this demonstrates precisely how much you need her.’ Elliot moved on to the final part of his post-run kitchen routine: gulping down a pint of water.
‘Trust me, if this is going to be anything more than one dinner, you need me,’ I agreed.
I don’t know where my sudden spurt of confidence had come from, but it might have had something to do with Elliot winking at me as he walked past. ‘Great job, coach.’
18
