‘However, I know she’ll soon become very special to all of you, too. Jessie is going to take the tired, boring, same-old activities programme you’re always grumbling about, and turn it into the kind of interesting, lively schedule that will make our insurance company’s head spin. She’ll be spending the next few days getting to know you all and finding out what kind of bonkers things you want to do, and then she’ll see about making it happen. So, can you please raise your glass in welcome to Jessie, the woman who’s about to make your dreams come true.’
‘To Jessie!’ most of them cried, along with a few shouts of Bessie, Tess and Julie. One man then shouted, ‘She can make my dreams come true, that’s for sure!’ prompting a stern reprimand from the staff member sat next to him, and sharp retorts from several of his friends.
‘Can we do hang gliding?’ a woman wearing a bonnet covered in butterflies asked. ‘I’ve always wanted to fly before I die, and I’m running out of time.’
‘Oh, nonsense Enid, you’ve got years left,’ someone else called from another table.
‘Poppycock!’ Enid replied. ‘We’ve been around long enough to know that you never can tell. Look what happened to Millie, and she was one of the youngest here.’
‘What about a bungee jump?’ a man in a dinner jacket and tie croaked. ‘If you get to fly, then I want to jump off a cliff.’
Various other people then started calling out increasingly outlandish suggestions, causing arguments to break out across the crowded room. Even with the fresh air from the terrace wafting in behind me, sweat broke out around my neckline and my tights felt stuck solid to my thighs.
I threw a glance at Dad sitting back in his chair, who smiled. ‘I think this is for the activities coordinator to handle, don’t you Pippa?’
Mum grinned. ‘Absolutely. They’re all yours, Jessie.’
Right. Okay.
I gave my head a brief shake, in the mistaken hope that it would kick my brain into action, and glanced at the expectant faces from the rest of the table, which were a mix of encouraging, interested and unashamedly gleeful.
Turning my attention to the room, where a handful of guests had stood up and started waving their arms around or, in one case, jabbing a walking stick in a man’s face, I was again reminded of my days working in a bar. Reassuring myself that people were people, whether a load of wasted students or a gathering of elderly villagers who referred to themselves as fugitives, I decided to revert to the tactics I’d picked up in countless minimum wage service roles.
Before I had time to talk myself out of it, I’d climbed onto the table and yelled, ‘Quiet!’ at the top of my voice, stomping my brogues a few times for good measure. To my relief, gradually everyone stopped to look.
‘Is she quite all right?’ one person asked.
‘Her cheeks are very red,’ another answered, in a whisper loud enough for every hearing aid to pick up.
‘Let’s ask her,’ our old neighbour said. ‘Are you all right, love? Did you know you’re standing on the table?’
‘Yes, I did know. It seemed the best way to stop this frankly embarrassing hullaballoo. I’d expect better behaviour from five-year-olds. Do you think I’m going to decide the programme based on the outcome of a brawl?’
Numerous bodies shuffled about on their chairs. A few muttered an apology, while others folded their arms with a huff.
‘Anyway, I have noted that what you do at the Barn is clearly very important to you. How you spend your time matters, and I’m so excited to help you make the most of it, doing things that cause your hearts to soar, if not your bodies. As Dad said, I’m going to carefully listen to all of you, but I hear a lot better when you speak one at a time. Now, are there any questions?’
‘To be honest, I didn’t hear a blummin’ word you said,’ a woman with a blonde beehive wig chortled. ‘But if you can keep this lot under control, you’ve got my vote.’
‘Thanks, Jessie,’ Dad said, jumping up quickly. ‘Never ask if there’s questions,’ he whispered. ‘We want to get out of here before midnight.’
‘Yeah, thanks Jessie!’ a few other people shouted.
‘Okay, so one final point. Only my family call me Jessie…’ I tailed off as Mum sucked in a sharp breath, the exact moment I caught Madeline’s twinkling eyes from several feet away. ‘So… um… I guess from now on, that includes all of you.’
7
After enjoying a martini glass containing lime and mango sorbet, I retreated to the safety of the office, via a quick bathroom detour to peel off my armpit-sodden top and sticky tights. Note taken: practical clothing is far more important than trying to appear professional. There was no way I could cope with the Outlaws while overheating. I suspected some of my conversations during the next few days were going to be heated enough.
At three o’clock I found Madeline in the library, watching a poker game.
‘You didn’t want to play?’ I asked, positioning her walker before helping her up.
‘They won’t let me any more. Apparently it’s boring because I clean them out every time.’
‘It’s true,’ a man with a bushy moustache said. ‘If we were allowed to play with real money, she’d have us all bankrupt by now.’
‘That still seems unfair, to exclude you just because you’re the best player.’
