It was in that moment that I decided I would work at the Barn for as long as my parents would have me.
* * *
Elliot arrived at my parents’ a few minutes after me. Dad busied himself stirring a risotto while Mum poured us drinks, gushing about how much everyone had enjoyed the day.
‘Well, not everyone. Frannie grumbled that a dog hair must have found its way inside, because she sneezed a few times, but personally I think she was putting it on because she felt left out.’
‘That woman will tell us she’s allergic to oxygen, next,’ Dad said. ‘Remember when she decided she was intolerant to Martha’s “natural odour”?’
‘Coincidentally the same week that Hugh, who she’d had an eye on for ages, asked Martha to sit next to him at lunch.’ Mum rolled her eyes. ‘We should have become primary school teachers; it would have been easier.’
‘And a lot less messy,’ Dad chuckled.
Just as I’d hoped, as soon as we started eating, Mum asked Elliot about the Harriers. ‘It must be so difficult waiting to find out if the club are going to do anything about what happened.’
Elliot shook his head, his face tight. ‘Not really. It won’t make any difference to the outcome.’ He ate a large forkful of rice, as if hoping that would end the conversation. A futile hope, which he should have known given that this was my parents.
‘Elliot’s quit,’ I said, keeping my tone casual. ‘He’s also pulled the team out of the Sherwood Forest Cup.’
Mum dropped her fork onto her plate with a clatter.
‘Quit?’ She glanced at all of us in disbelief. ‘Are you that sure they’ll rule against you? Agatha’s son is on the committee and she said most of them love how you’ve managed the team. You really don’t need to give up hope.’
‘I’ve not resigned because I think it’s hopeless.’ He shrugged, awkwardly. ‘It’s the right thing to do.’
‘Why on earth would you think that?’ Dad asked.
‘Because I’m not capable of being the role model the team needs. Even if with Jessie’s help I can handle all the logistics, I’m a liability. Those kids have got enough to deal with without me behaving like a thug and causing all this drama. They’re better off without me.’
‘What,’ Mum scoffed. ‘With Simon Simonson? Where will that leave Wilf, and Wodger? Who is Fabian going to be better off with than you?’
‘I don’t know.’ Elliot was trying to remain calm and logical, but the strain was clear in his voice. ‘It’s not up to me to decide that.’
‘No.’ Mum banged her fork down. ‘Nope. You don’t get to do that, I’m afraid. You started this… this… wonderful, inspirational,life-changingteam.Youdid, because you understand what it’s like to face the kind of challenges those boys deal with every day. In believing in them you dared them to believe in themselves. And now, because the very disability that makes you so perfect for this role happened to impact a horrible situation, you decide you can walk away? That’s it? You aren’t like everyone else after all, so you’d better quit?’
‘Pippa, I allowed myself to lose control and shove someone. I’d have done a lot worse if Russell hadn’t stepped in and done it first.’
‘You allowed yourself to lose control?’ Dad asked, gently. ‘You say that like you made a mistake, a bad judgement call.’
Elliot lifted his head for the first time. ‘Well what would you call it? You can’t agree with those who think that guy deserved it. There’s no excuse for violence.’
‘Son, you didn’t allow yourself to do anything. Any more than Wilf allows himself to become dysregulated, or someone with Tourette’s makes a mistake when they tic. You have a brain injury. In extreme situations, your brain is sometimes unable to remain calm. It isn’t an excuse, it’s a reason.’
‘But that’s even more reason to quit; knowing I can’t control it means I can’t do anything to stop it happening again.’ His face twisted up in distress. ‘I’m not safe to be running a football team. I’m not safe to be around those boys.’
‘What a load of rubbish!’ Mum said. ‘In ten years, how many people have you actually hurt?’
Elliot shrank back, as though trying to disappear inside himself. ‘Three.’
‘Isaac told us about them. Two insisted on picking a fight with you. The third one had just assaulted a young woman.’
‘Plus all the people who’ve had to put up with my rudeness, bad temper and inappropriate comments.’
Mum made a dismissive noise. ‘They can get over it.’
‘How many times have you been rude to the Harrier boys?’ Dad pressed on. ‘Lost your temper with one of them, or made an inappropriate comment?’
Elliot was quiet for a moment. ‘I once told Dyson that he ran like a penguin.’
