‘She’s probably living somewhere isolated,’ Jamie added. ‘She values her privacy highly. Start with houses that don’t have any close neighbours. And she’s a bestselling author, so can afford an expensive house, with top security. Look for gates, cameras, that sort of thing. A lot of that type of homes have older people living in them, so knowing her general age will also help.’
Ellen gave Jamie a hard stare. ‘Are you seriously suggesting Ashley starts scoping out every big house in the area looking for a reclusive author?’
He shrugged. ‘It can’t do any harm.’
‘Sending an obsessed fan snooping around local houses with top security?’ Ellen replied. ‘What could possibly go wrong?’
We heard updates from Lucille next, who had entered a five-K race. Kiko showed us the holiday she’d found – not quite climbing Mount Everest, but hiking as far as the base camp.
‘I mean, I’m never going to actually go. I couldn’t just up and leave, could I? For three whole weeks? It’d be impossible for Adam, managing the kids and the house and cooking and shopping and everything—’
‘And everything that you do, every day?’ Sarah said. ‘It’s three weeks. Adam and the kids’ll survive.’
‘Ooh, no.’ Kiko let out a giggle. ‘I mean, I’m just having fun looking. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself knowing I’d left them to struggle. And what about his work?’ She paused, looking at our faces.
Nobody spoke.
‘That would be ridiculous! Wouldn’t it? I mean, I’m me. I don’t do things like that.’
It was up to Kiko whether she went or not. She was right – there was no point going if she spent the whole time writhing in guilt and worry about the family she’d left behind. But I had to wonder if, once she got there, and stepped off that plane into the mountains, she’d suddenly find it a lot easier to leave her guilt behind.
‘Twenty-one days, Kiko.’ Sarah held up three fingers to represent the three weeks. ‘They’ll survive.’
‘And have a better mother at the end of it,’ Frances said. ‘What kind of a role model are you to those girls? Do you want them to be women who get out there and live their dreams, or not?’
‘Well, yes, of course I do, but I was thinking maybe a weekend in Snowdonia instead,’ Kiko whimpered. ‘It’s still a mountain.’
We moved on…
Jamie had made white chocolate and ginger ice cream. It was outrageous. There was nearly another fight over the last scoop. He’d not yet baked with Sarah at the café due to a work situation he couldn’t tell us about.
‘Don’t you just love a man who makes a good dessert?’ Ashley asked Sarah, licking her spoon. ‘What more could you want?’
‘Quite a lot.’ Sarah frowned, seemingly oblivious to Jamie’s crestfallen face. ‘And after the dates I’ve had this month the list has grown even longer.’
‘Well? Don’t make us beg for details.’ Lucille smirked in Jamie’s direction. ‘Tell useverything.’
‘Not much to tell.’ Sarah shrugged. ‘The first bloke was at least twenty years older than his profile picture. Not that I’m averse to an older man. Even if he did look as though he’s spent every minute of those twenty years eating deep-fried food, swilling beer and slobbing. But I’m not interested in men who don’t own up to who they really are.’ She glanced at Jamie, who was taking a long drink from his beer bottle and staring at the ceiling.
‘Unless it’s for work purposes, of course. Like Jamie.’
Jamie choked on his beer.
‘So I told him that. I marched straight up to him and said, “Lying to catch criminals is fine. I could be interested in a man who does that.”’
Kiko ran to fetch Jamie a glass of water. Sarah ploughed on regardless. ‘“Lying to catch women is not. It makes me think you view women as something to be caught. You, sir, are a dud.” And I marched straight out again. All right, Jamie?’
Jamie continued wheezing, waving his hand in a ‘carry on’ gesture.
‘Date two?’ Sarah grimaced. ‘Date two should have beenchristenedDud.’ She paused for dramatic effect.
‘Date two, otherwise known as Nottinghamshire’s greatest dud, was not alone.’
‘He didn’t bring his mother?’ Ellen gasped.
‘His ex-wife.’
Weallgasped.
