Decker wasn’t sure what to expect from this place, but he’d been told to bring his own provisions. We bought blankets, pillows, a shit ton of food, and a few other necessities for off-grid living.
“No. Let me do a quick perimeter check first, then we can carry her up to a bed. And afterward, we can bring in the groceries and the other stuff. If you see or hear anything, take the truck and get the fuck out of here, okay?” Decker slid out of his seat and then looked at me for confirmation.
“Okay,” I agreed, but this time I lied, because that was the last thing I’d do. I wasn’t going to leave him behind.
Decker quietly closed the door and made his way toward the other end of the house, where he disappeared from my sight. The dark swallowed him up.
While I waited, it felt all wrong to stay in the truck. I was a grown-ass man—I could handle any bad shit that came my way. I’d done it for years. Except, the idea of disappointing my best friend was stronger than my need to get out of the truck and look around. Therefore, I clamped down the uselessness I was feeling and waited.
Not five minutes later, I could just make out Decker coming around the corner of the house. At his thumbs up, I climbed out of the truck, and quietly closed the door.
Decker bent, and I assumed he retrieved the key to the house. He opened the door and let himself inside. I opened the back door of the cab and carefully scooped a sleeping Regina into my arms. As I reached the front stoop, he walked out—his face had lost some of the intensity that had lined the corners of his eyes.
“All clear and safe,” he whispered, his attention dropping to the beautiful woman nestled in my hold. I followed Decker inside and up to the second floor. “There are three bedrooms and a bathroom up here.”
“Okay,” I replied.
Decker pushed open the first door, and Regina slowly roused. She dazedly looked at the two of us for a moment before she smiled and then passed back out.
“Well,” he chuckled, a rare, radiant smile lit across his face. “Some things haven’t changed.”
“It’s kind of nice knowing she still loves to sleep a lot,” I admitted, staring at Decker’s lips as a swarm of need buzzed through me.
His simple grin brought back the boy I remembered. The boy I was still in love with. And just as fast, his smile disappeared as his stoic demeanor slid back in place.
I wasn’t sure if it was Decker’s reaction or my inability to confront the reality that my childhood friend had changed. Either way, I couldn’t look him in the eyes any longer.
I glanced down at Regina, who for the longest time was the light that I held on to. Especially in jail, when I thought that ending my life was better than fighting for it.
When we were young, she was what had brought the three of us together. She made us fit. Not in the sexual way—we were way too young for that. But emotionally? Regina taught us that love didn’t have to hurt. The physical blows that were a daily part of my upbringing, and Decker’s own emotional scars, were slowly healed by her gentleness and goodness. Until our lives had been upended by one person. By one terrible event.
Not wanting to think about my bastard of a brother, I refocused on the girl—no, the woman in my arms. The Regina I once knew had also changed. She had secrets of her own—a tortured past that was preventing her from trusting us.
“You can’t stand here all night, holding her,” Decker uttered.
“What?” I blinked up at him, not sure if I’d caught all he’d said. He was frowning at me like I’d done something wrong.
“I said to put her in bed, K.” Decker pointed to the queen size bed.
“I will. But…” Whatever else I was going to say fled from my mind. I didn’t know why I was suddenly feeling so out of control, like I was coming out of my skin.
“But?” Decker questioned as he opened the closet door and took out an extra blanket. He turned to me and concern wrinkled the corners of his eyes. “What’s going on in that brain of yours, K?”
“Deck…” I whispered into the quiet of the room. But I couldn’t hide the small amount of desperation rising into my voice. My heart started beating wildly against my ribs, and I was losing control of the air coming in and out of my lungs.
From the moment I reconnected with Decker in the shadowy underbelly of Chicago to saving Regina from the hulking assassin, from our kisses in the motel room to being shot at and the drive here—everything was finally crashing down on me.
The contracts on our lives, being on the run—all of it, I simply couldn’t sort my feelings into categories my mind could manage. And with Regina in my arms, I couldn’t fathom the idea of letting her go, ever.
Decker’s face went in and out of my vision until his gaze bore into me like a sharp blade, cutting through my delirium.
“Hand her over.” His harsh demand snapped me out of my panic. Decker didn’t wait for me to move. He took Regina from my arms and placed her on the bed. I robotically removed her shoes while Decker covered her up with the extra blanket, since the house was chilly.
Without another word, I followed Decker out of the room, and he quietly closed the door behind him. “You empty the truck, while I get a fire started and heat up this damn house,” he said. Without another word he headed downstairs.
I stood there, momentarily stunned, trying to gather my composure. I expected Decker to say something about my near breakdown, but he didn’t, which caused another round of emotions to ripple through me.
What did I expect from him? A hug of reassurance? No. And I needed to remind myself that this Decker wasn’t my person. Wasn’t the boy who had professed to be mine all those years ago. No. This Decker had a heart of steel and the sooner I got that through my head, the better I’d be.
