I lifted my face out of my hands and up at James. He looked so worried. Why did it always seem like I was hurting him?
"Having second thoughts?" He looked over his shoulder at our wedding venue.
"No. Never. James, I'm so sorry about today. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so, so sorry, I just..."
"Stop. You don't have anything to apologize about." He sat down and grabbed my hand. "I'm the one that's sorry. I'm still learning about how all this works."
"God." I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand. "Still learning how what works? Me?" I laughed. I didn't even understand myself half the time. How could I expect him to?
"Love. This." He rubbed his thumb along my palm. "Us. Please don't give up on me."
His words made even more tears fall down my cheeks. "I'm not. I'm just so embarrassed. You're allowed to talk to whoever you want. You're allowed to change your lunch plans. I don't know why I even freaked out."
"I didn't want to talk to Isabella. She came to see me. I didn't want her to make a scene..."
"I know. You already explained it. It's fine."
He squeezed my hand. "She asked if we could start over as friends. I told her that we could be civil if we run into each other in public, but nothing more. I told her if she ever stepped foot inside my office ever again I'd have her thrown out. And I said if she ever reached out to you or me I'd get a restraining order against her. I know I can talk to whoever I want, but I don't wantto talk to her. Ever again. I have a past. I can't change what's happened, but I will never, ever put someone before you. I can promise you that."
"I know. I didn't mean what I said. It's just...with graduating and moving and planning the wedding, and then meeting your parents and seeing Isabella, and starting this new job..." I let my voice trail off. "Geez, of course no one else wanted to hire me. I needed a week off for our honeymoon almost immediately. But I didn't even get to the interview process to tell anyone about that." I felt so inadequate.
"About that..."
"You knew no one would hire me because of that, didn't you? I'm such an idiot. I was giving you a hard time and you were just being nice and offering me a job because no one else..."
"No." He cleared his throat. "You were right before. I screened your applications."
"What does that mean exactly?"
He shrugged. "I made it clear that you were working at Hunter Tech. I'd rather not go into the specifics."
I started laughing. "You're infuriating. You do realize that, right?" I couldn't seem to stop laughing.
He smiled and wiped one of my tears away with his thumb. I was pretty sure they were tears from laughing now.
When I finally calmed down, I sighed. "I think I've just been really stressed out. For the past few years I've been so focused on finishing school and officially becoming an adult, that I forgot to plan for this point." I had been so eager to graduate. All those extra classes to make up for the semester I had lost switchingschools. Maybe I had rushed all of this. Now I was officially an adult and I felt lost.
"That's why I thought fixing you up with a good job..."
"But you should have talked to me about it. Your intentions are always good, but I want my opinion to count."
"It does. And I do respect you. If I made you feel like that wasn't the case, I'm sorry." He cupped my face in his hand. "But I like taking care of you. You can't expect me to just sit here and see you struggling and not try to fix it."
I grabbed his hand and pulled it onto my lap. "Do you ever think sometimes that it was easier when you were my professor?"
He laughed. "No."
"But everything was so clear cut. We each knew where we stood."
"Penny, I never knew where you stood."
I laughed. "Maybe you're right. I just thought this boss/intern thing would be a little easier if we just stuck to those roles and didn't mix in our personal relationship."
"Penny, I don't want to sneak around. I thought we were done with that when we moved here. We're getting married at the end of the month. All I ever want to do is be with you. And when we're not together I want to talk about you. If you're embarrassed..."
"I'm not embarrassed about us. That's not it. I just didn't want all my new coworkers to judge me before they got to know me."
"Knowing that we're together is part of getting to know you."
