“Allan?” she called.
He halted in the doorway, his back to her but stopping all the same.
“I’m so sorry.” Her words made his shoulders flinch, as if she had struck him.
I’m doing this to protect you. It’s the only way I know how.
These words were on the tip of her tongue, but she stopped them from escaping.
“I’m sorry, too,” he said over his shoulder. “If I had known how miserable you’d be when married to me, I wouldn’t have asked you.”
Then he left, marching away across the corridor. When she heard his feet on the staircase, any last ounce of strength she had in her vanished. She capitulated into the chair he had just vacated, her great sobs wracking her breath. She even reached for the glass he had been drinking from and poured her own drink though she barely sipped any of it for she was crying so much.
It’s all for you, Allan. All to protect you.
Yet it would be a secret she would always have to keep to herself.
* * *
Frederica rose in the early hours of the morning. It was still so early that the sun hadn’t yet fully risen, and it cast a grey light across the space. She raised her head, realizing what it was that had woken her.
In the doorway stood Lucy.
“My Lady,” Lucy whispered, her face bearing an expression of utter sadness, “you asked me to wake you early?”
“Thank you, Lucy.” Frederica nodded and dragged herself out of the bed.
Lucy set to at once, packing a bag for Frederica to take with her. Lucy even shed a tear, prompting Frederica to offer up a handkerchief.
“We’re going to miss you here,” Lucy said sadly as she packed another pair of shoes in the bag. “Where will you go?”
“To my aunt’s,” Frederica said softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed as she pulled on her stockings. “She has always been my happy place. My safe place. I think it’s where I need to be now.”
Lucy nodded, adding more stockings to the bag too.
“Would you do me a favor, Lucy?”
“Of course.”
“If another man comes calling at this house, asking for me, would you promise not to tell him where I have gone, please?”
This question clearly caught Lucy’s interest. She nodded though she chewed her lip in confusion all the same.
“Thank you.” Frederica stood to finish getting changed.
“Would you like to take these with you?” Lucy gestured to the new gowns that Allan had purchased for her.
For a mad minute, Frederica debated leaving them behind. They were, after all, bought by Allan for his wife, and she had not proved to be a particularly good wife. Yet the thought of leaving them behind hurt her too much.
“I’d like to take them, please.” She was careful to pack the correspondence box he had gifted her too. She didn’t think he could have given her a better present, for that box had given her the freedom to speak to whomever she wished. She smiled as she ran her fingers over the fine silk, thinking of all the many kind things Allan had done for her. “He’s the best of men, isn’t he?”
“Who?” Lucy said distractedly as she packed the bag.
“Allan.” Her answer made Lucy trip on the other side of the bag.
“If you think that, then why…” Lucy trailed off. “Forgive me, I should not ask such questions.”
“Sometimes we do things we don’t want to do because we know we have to. That’s all.” Frederica sighed and pulled her shoes on. As she retrieved a pelisse, she turned to face the mirror and looked at her reflection.
