"Friends?" Cedric felt as though the word ripped out of him against all his better intentions and efforts, but seeing her standing there with lamplight in her hair and eyes blazing was more than he could stand. "You think we are friends, Louisa?"
She closed her mouth, staring at him in silence, a spark of hurt in her eyes that he suddenly wished he could do anything to quench.
"Friends do not feel this way, my wife. Friends don't marry each other. A friend would not blush so when I touch you, when I look at you. When I smile at you even. If we were friends you would not tremble right now and I would not want -"
"Cedric - that's not - we don't -"
He took her arm in his and drew her a step closer to him, their faces near enough that he could see the conflict warring within her. "Louisa -"
"Uncle CEDRIC," Kenneth called, and the door to the library slammed open, little feet pattering into the room. "Lady Aunt Louisa Lady!"
There was rustling as the boy looked for them, Louisa barely breathing, his own heart racing in his ears. Surely they had never looked into each other's eyes for so long. Surely some spell was over them.
The door banged closed again but they did not move.
"Cedric," Louisa said, her voice sweet and gentle and asking a question that he felt he might at last be able to answer.
Bending to kiss her was the most natural thing he had ever done. Her lips were sweet against his, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her against him as though they had always been meant to be together. For a moment the world felt so right that he ached to think about what it had been like before this very second.
He was pulling her against him without thinking, marveling at how well she fit into his arms. She smelled sweet and enticing, her skin soft against his, her lips so tender under his own. It was an embrace that could have lasted forever and he still would not have drunk his fill.
Dear god what have I done.
Cedric pulled back, cold horror seeping into him as Louisa looked at him with flushed cheeks and dazzled eyes, the look he had seen on many a young lady's face in the past. What had he done, what had hedone. He made no sound, opened the door and rushed from the room, barely hearing Kenneth's crow of 'I found you' as he hurried towards his office and closed the door.
This was not something he could undo.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
"My lady," Ellis said, a trifle impatiently. "My lady may I draw your attention to your toilette?"
Louisa glanced up at her maid briefly before looking dreamily back at her reflection. She had barely dressed so far this morning and the matter of her hair was keeping Ellis at her side, increasingly agitated at the lack of direction.
How could Louisa make choices on menus or hair or even which poplin to put on right now? In the afternoon yesterday, hidden in that little closet to have been held like Cedric had held her, to have been kissed like that!Like I was desirable, she thought to herself, holding the thought as carefully as if it were a precious jewel.Like I was precious to him.
She had barely slept all night and she still felt as though she had contracted a fever of some sort. Her face had remained flushed and warm for hours, her brain distracted and confused. Howcould one touch send her senses reeling like his had? How could one single interaction so completely change everything?
His eyes had always captured her own but in the dim lighting of the small room they had been in there had been a fire there that she was not used to from her cool and charmingly reserved husband. There had been passion in his words as he rejected her friendship, and even though that had the power to hurt her there had been something so desperate about his kiss, about his argument that it did not feel as though she were being rejected.
Rather there was something more between them. It had been very late in the night when it had come to her at last, the soft realization blooming in her chest. The way he kept her attention and she wanted to please him, no, more than that. It was not just a desire to appease a husband who could control her life, she wanted him to be -happywith her. To like her, or more than that she wanted him to be proud of her. She wanted to help him with the children not just for the children but also for him, the strange confusing man who always pushed her away before she could see all of his heart.
I love himshe had thought to herself, hugging her arms around her torso in an attempt to keep the feeling inside her instead of bursting out in a shout.I love Cedric Pembroke.
"My lady!" Ellis broke through her thoughts again, expression now concerned. "My lady are you well? Are you sickening for something?"
"No," Louisa said, then strengthened her toner when she saw her maid's face drop further at her dazed and distracted voice. "No, Ellis. I am quite well, thank you. I am simply tired. What were you saying?"
"I was suggesting you try this day dress for today, my lady, the color suits your eyes," Ellis gestured to a light green day dress with a simple cut and Louisa smiled and nodded though she could not have cared less what she put on this morning.
"Very well. Something simple for my hair too, please." She would miss breakfast if they took much longer and she did not want to miss seeing Cedric this morning. Would he be different with her? Would they have a chance to talk about themselves, their feelings?
What would it do for their family to finally have her and her husband bonded with these feelings, this burgeoning love? Would he want to spend more time with her - surely he would!
Ellis cleared her throat and Louisa brought her mind sternly back to the matter at hand and getting ready for the day. There would be time for asking questions and understanding the new world that love would open up for her and her husband after she was out of her bedchamber.
"Aunt Louisa!" Abigail waved her over to the breakfast table, a smile on her tiny little face that was still a surprise and delight to see. "Aunt Louisa you're here!"
Kenneth was on his second bowl of milk and bread but managed a cheerful wave at her as he tried to both eat an entire spoonful of breakfast and ask Miss Lyle for more strawberries at the same time.
