But Caroline was Lionel’s grandmother. Caroline had hopes for Amelia and Lionel that Lionel had just soundly dashed. Amelia would not be the one to disappoint the older woman, nor didshe want anyone to try and persuade her to stay when she had already made up her mind. The longer she remained at Westyork, the harder it would be to eventually leave.
“Which friend?” Caroline asked, coming to sit on the edge of the bed.
“Isolde,” Amelia said, a note too quickly. “She has not been at all well with this pregnancy, and I believe she would appreciate the company. She wrote to me and sounded terribly morose.”
Caroline nodded slowly. “Well then, of course you must go to her. Is she in London for the winter?”
“She is.”
“You will be staying at the townhouse, I assume?”
Amelia swallowed uncomfortably. “I expect so.”
“Shall I send word ahead of your arrival, or have you done so already?”
It was obvious that Caroline could see right through the ruse, but Amelia was already invested in it. If she wished to leave Westyork unhindered, then she had to keep fibbing, even if Caroline was aware of each lie.
“There is no need. I will be staying with Isolde for the first night or so, so I can inform the townhouse staff while I am there,” Amelia said, stuffing more of her belongings into the valise.
Caroline raised an eyebrow. “Should your lady’s maid not be doing this for you?”
“I did not want to bother her.”
All of a sudden, Caroline reached out and took hold of Amelia’s hand, her expression softening into deep concern. “What has happened, dear girl? I ordinarily do not tolerate being lied to, but I can see that you are in a fair amount of pain. And I suspect I know who has caused it.” She sighed. “I will not stop you if you wish to keep up the pretense, but I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I do not take sides merely because someone shares my blood.”
Amelia held the older woman’s gaze and tried very hard not to burst into tears, for she would miss Caroline and Rebeccaalmostas much as she would miss Lionel. At least, the Lionel who had been so affectionate and sweet and tender with her. A Lionel that sheknewshe had not imagined, no matter what he said.
She shook her head slowly. “I am leaving for a brief visit to a friend.”
“Then, you intend to return here?” Caroline smiled sadly.
Amelia cleared her throat. “I am sorry, Caroline.”
“Yes, I can see that.” The older woman frowned, a sorrowful sigh escaping her lips. “Will you promise me something?”
Amelia hesitated, before giving a small nod.
“Promise me that you will not make any decisions while you are not in a calm state of mind. Go to London, enjoy London, be in the company of your friends, but do not do anything that you might regret,” Caroline said with all the wisdom and affection of a mother. “Do not be gone for too long.”
The older woman pulled Amelia into an unexpected hug, and Amelia embraced her in return, knowing full well that she would not be coming back. Once she left for London, that would be it: there would be no undoing her decision.
If he cannot love me, I want nothing from him. I am sorry.Perhaps, itwasfoolish to throw away the promise of security, but at least it was her choice.
The closer the carriage got to London, the more anxious Amelia became. Her stomach roiled, though it had nothing to do with the swaying motion. She had tried to imagine what response she would receive from her father and brother, and each possibility was more awful than the last.
It would be a relief if they merely gloated, but I do not think I can expect that.She gulped and gazed across at the cornerof the squabs where Lionel had slept on that first journey from the church to Westyork, in just his shirt and trousers, looking so handsome that, even then, she had wondered how she was supposed to just be a distant wife to him.
“I do not love you, Amelia.Thatis my feeling on the matter.”Those cruel words stabbed at her mind, dispelling the warming image of her sleeping husband.
When she had gone to his study, she did not know what she had expected to hear from him, but his utter rejection of her love had not been at all anticipated. She doubted she would have intruded at all if she had known he would say that.
I was so certain. Could I have really been so mistaken?She had asked herself the question again and again throughout the journey to London, flitting back and forth between “yes” and “there is no possible way.”
None of it made any sense to her. Indeed, all she knew was that she could not show her face in front of Lionel ever again, and that her heart would never recover. She had given it to him, and she had no hope of ever claiming it back. It would stay with him, even if she was not there.
A short while later, the carriage pulled to a halt outside the townhouse that she had loathed for most of her life. At least at the Lisbret Estate, there were more places to hide and be alone, but the townhouse made it impossible to escape.
With a shaky breath, she got out and made her way up the steps, taking a moment before she knocked.
