The air thickened with the weight of their shared history, the unresolved emotions hanging in the air, and Gabriel’s senses heightened, capturing the rapid cadence of her breaths, her familiar scent enveloping him.
The urge to reach out to her warred with his need to maintain his composure. Closing his eyes briefly, he took a deep breath, desperate to calm himself.
A hush settled over the study. When he finally opened his eyes, he glimpsed the uncertainty, the hesitation, and the hurt behind her gaze. His resolve wavered.
She spoke once more, her words carrying a mix of resignation and vulnerability. “You should have realized, Your Grace, thatour connection was not meant to last indefinitely. I was bound to get married, eventually. Either that or Eliza’s independence would have rendered my services unnecessary.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I have long felt dispensable in your eyes, Your Grace. Easily replaceable. Do you not feel the same way?”
No… I do not. I never did.
Gabriel’s expression softened imperceptibly, understanding flickering in his eyes as he grappled with her raw vulnerability. The desire to reassure her, to convey the depth of his feelings, tugged at his very core, aching to find a form that would be acceptable enough to convey what he wished to express.
But there was none. There was no way he could say everything he wanted to without it sounding inappropriate.
His hand twitched involuntarily. He wanted to hold her, to pull her towards him and let his lips answer all her uncertainties. However, he held himself back, the weight of propriety pressing down on him like an invisible force.
“Do you have something to say to me, Your Grace?” Her soft voice gently pulled him from his thoughts.
Gabriel narrowed his eyes at her for a moment, before averting his gaze. From the corner of his eye, he noticed her expression shift, a flicker of hurt crossing her features, causing his heart to clench in anguish.
Finally, she nodded. “I hope you find my replacement soon,” she murmured, her voice cold. “Thank you for everything. I was grateful for the job while it lasted.”
Don’t leave, Evelina. Stay, please.
She turned away, leaving him standing in the stark silence of his study, the echo of her departure ringing in his ears like a mournful dirge.
Gabriel attempted to re-immerse himself in his work. He sat behind his desk, the accounts laid out before him once more. However, his thoughts incessantly drifted back to Evelina.
I must focus on my responsibilities. That is all that matters. She has never been my responsibility.
He tried to rationalize, the weight of his inner struggle palpable in the air. Moments passed, however, and the urge to go after her only grew stronger, testing his resolve.
Let her be.
He silently urged himself, battling against the rising tide of emotions threatening to overwhelm him. Yet, the ache in his heart refused to be ignored, the need for closure egging him on.
Finally, unable to resist any longer, he rose from his chair with a determined resolve and made his way out of the study.
His heart pounded in his chest furiously with each step he took.
What will you say to her? What exactly do you intend to achieve with this?
“Hold,” his voice was urgent as he halted a house servant as they passed by him. “Miss Balfour… Do you know of her whereabouts around the house?”
The footman executed a respectful bow. “Miss Balfour is presently in the library with Lady Eliza—they’re about to begin today’s lesson, Your Grace.”
Gabriel nodded in acknowledgment, then turned on his heel and set off in the direction of the library. Questions continued to race in his mind, the weight of uncertainty pressing down on him even as his determination to speak with Evelina once more remained unwavering.
He soon found himself in front of the library door. Stepping forward, he hesitated before knocking, hearing unexpected sounds coming from within. His hand hovered as he peered around the slightly ajar door.
Immediately, his heart sank as he saw Eliza sob and hug Evelina, who was crouched down beside her.
“Please, Miss Balfour, can you not stay a bit longer? Just until the wedding.” His daughter’s voice trembled with emotion as she pulled away from the hug, her tear-stained cheeks visible from where he stood.
“My dear Eliza, I wish I could,” Evelina murmured, sorrow tingeing her voice. “But it simply would not be proper. People would talk.”
The weight of Eliza’s despair reverberated through the room, her cries piercing the air and reaching Gabriel’s ears, freezing him in place. The physical ache in his chest reflected the sinking feeling within him as he beheld the raw emotions on his daughter’s face.
The little girl’s sobs continued to echo the room, her words a plea wrapped in heartache, “Please, don’t let this be our last lesson. I don’t want you to go, Miss Balfour . Stay with me, stay forever, please.”
