“Do you still want us to spread the news for you?” Matilda asked, practical as ever.
Leah gave a reluctant nod. “That is one thing I cannot do, even if I had all the soup and baths in the world. Thank you for offering, or I would likely still be in a courtship with him by the end of the London season.”
“Anything to make this easier,” Anna said, her voice choked. “Goodness, though I know it did not seem like it, I had such silly hopes for the two of you. Then again, I have silly hopes for all of you. I really should stop wishing for such things. Indeed, I shall stop, just as soon as we leave! I swear it, here and now, and you can all hold me to account if I start saying foolish things again.”
Matilda chuckled. “You know weshallhold you to account, and you will undoubtedly falter. It is who you are, and we would not change that for anything.” She smiled across at Leah. “But maybe just wish for Leah’s happiness for a while in whatever form that may take.”
“Of course,” Anna agreed.
Phoebe leaned in and kissed Leah on the forehead as if she was one of her little sisters. “We will leave you in peace, my dear. On the way out, I will ask one of the maids to draw you that bath to take one thing off your list.” She drew back. “Have courage, sweet Leah. You already possess it in abundance.”
“Indeed, and if your father should start screeching, scream louder and we will come running,” Matilda promised.
With one last, fond embrace, Leah’s friends said their farewells and headed out of the bedchamber, leaving Leah brimming with the borrowed strength to at least get herself out of bed. As for the rest—she would have to wait and see if she could manage it, for once the news was out, that would be it. It really would be over, and with the press of his kiss still a bittersweet memory on her lips, she was not certain she was ready to let go of the fantasy just yet.
Why did Phoebe ask about Bill?her mind whispered, but no matter how hard she strained for an answer, none would come. Maybe, because there was not one. Phoebe liked to have all the pieces of a story, that was all, even if it changed nothing. And as Leah stared out at the gloomy sky, a web of frost splintering across the window, the clouds threatening more snow, she understood that nothingwouldchange.
Nathaniel did not want her. Nathaniel had shunned her. Sooner or later, she would have to come to terms with it whether she was ready to or not.
CHAPTERTWENTY-EIGHT
Afortnight had passed. An entire two weeks since the moment his world finally made sense, only to be upended again by his own hands. He had searched the newspapers and scandal sheets every morning with religious diligence, waiting to read of his heartbreak in plain black and white. And every morning, there was nothing. Other people’s woes and triumphs, other people’s engagements and scandals, other people’s births and deaths and marriages, but no mention of him or Leah anywhere.
“Are we seeing Leah today?” Colin swung into the breakfast room with Robin perched upon his head. “She must have returned from her grandmother’s by now.”
Nathaniel flinched, guilt no doubt etched across his face. “Not today, Colin.”
“Will she be at the ball tomorrow night?” Colin sat down in the chair opposite, taking a slice of toast. He broke off crumbs for the sparrow, the bird trilling happily.
“I am not going to the ball tomorrow.”
Colin paused. “But you promised!”
“When did I promise?”
“When I told you about Lord Shilbottle’s gardens. He has exotic greenhouses, filled with flowers from all over the world!” Colin furrowed his brow, clearly furious. “You laughed, and you said, 'Very well, we shall go, for if that is the one thing that entices you to enter into society gatherings, I cannot deny you'. Please, Nathan. Just for an hour or two.”
Nathaniel closed the scandal sheets he had been reading, tucking them inside a newspaper. “If I promised, then… of course, we will go.”
“She is not at her grandmother’s, is she,” Colin said. It was not a question, just a quiet, sad realization. “You have broken your courtship with Leah.”
Nathaniel wished he had a satisfactory answer for his brother, but until something appeared in the society rumor mill, he could not. “We are taking some time for ourselves. She had doubts, so I am allowing her the solitude she requested.” He felt even worse for perpetuating the lie.
“I really liked her,” Colin murmured, feeding Robin another crumb. Even the sparrow looked sad. “Why did she have doubts? Did you upset her?”
Nathaniel sighed. “Yes, I suppose I did.”
“Can you not fix it? We could secretly pick her some flowers from Lord Shilbottle’s greenhouses! She could not possibly refuse you if you gave her some rare blooms!” Colin’s eyes brightened, and Nathaniel’s heart broke a little more. “Do you think that might work?”
Nathaniel shook his head. “I admire your understanding of what might please ladies—indeed, it gives me hope that you might soon find a lady of your own—but I do not think flowers will be enough.”
“Oh…”
“I am sorry, Colin,” Nathaniel said. “But if you could refrain from saying anything to Mother, I would be grateful. Nothing has been decided yet, and I do not want to upset her, too, until I have to.”
Colin squinted at his brother. “This is not because of Father, is it?”
“Why would you say that?” Colin’s candor startled him. After all, he had still been a child when their father died, and their father had barely interacted with the boy. As far as Nathaniel knew, Colin was not aware of any of their father’s misdeeds and cruelty.
