“If you will all excuse me,” she said, rising from her chair. Her friends rose with her. “I am going to begin packing my belongings. Mama, Father, it is my hope that we can depart before luncheon.”
Laura glanced at Jeremy, waiting for his agreement.
“Of course, before luncheon. I will not make you remain here any longer. You have suffered enough,” Jeremy replied, in a soft voice that disarmed Olivia for a moment.
She bowed her head to him. “Thank you, Father.”
It might have been the first true words of gratitude she had offered him since she was twelve years of age, watching with her own eyes as he betrayed her mother. But then, stranger things had happened during Olivia’s residence at the Westyork Estate, and she doubted she would be repeating any of them once she left.
I will have my life back,she told herself, hoping to feel some optimism. But the prospect left her hollow, for since she had tasted the dream of an alternative, it was all her heart desired.
* * *
At one minute past noon, Olivia sat on the front terrace, watching the footmen load the last of the Agarn family’s belongings onto the carriage. She had already said her farewells to Amelia, but she had not been able to find Caroline.
“She has not done so since she was a child,”Amelia had explained, when asked for her daughter’s whereabouts,“but when she is terribly sad, she hides. Please, do not take offense. She will write her farewell to you, and besides, it is not farewell but merely au revoir—until we meet again.”
And so, there was nothing more to do but bid farewell to her friends, who were also departing for their respective homes. She would, of course, see them soon, but it still felt like an unbearable separation. If she had had her way, she would have gone to one of their homes with them, to avoid sitting in a carriage with her parents, who would undoubtedly have an interrogation waiting.
What did you do wrong? What did you say to him? Was it your dancing that changed his mind? Were you uncouth?they would ask her, as if she had not been asking herself the same questions all night.
“All will be well,” Matilda said, putting her arm around Olivia’s shoulders. “You have us, and we love you more than any gentleman could.”
Olivia smiled. “Thank you, my dear ones.”
“Are we allowed to kidnap you now?” Leah asked, clutching a carpet bag to her chest.
Olivia sighed. “I wish you could, but Mama will need me. And I shall need her for a while, I think.”
“This isnothow it was supposed to be,” Anna muttered, glaring at the ground. “If I ever happen upon that wretched creature again, I shall smack him across the face with my reticule!”
The four others stared at Anna in disbelief, her sharp words—from one so small and quiet and perpetually cheerful—coaxing a genuine smile onto Olivia’s lips.
“So, we are no longer in favor?” Leah teased, receiving the fiery end of Anna’s glower.
“No, we are not.” Anna crossed her arms across her chest. “Now, I am beginning to think that you have all been right, all along, and I have been so very naïve. Gentlemen are awful. To think that, one moment, they can kiss you and swear love and fidelity, and then… I am so cross I might burst!”
Leah chuckled. “I do hope you will bear that in mind at Lord and Lady Wallis’s ball next week, when a handsome young thing asks you to dance.”
“Pardon?” Olivia frowned at Leah.
“Lord and Lady Wallis’s ball,” Leah repeated. “We were all invited. Do you not recall our surprise?”
Matilda jostled Olivia’s shoulders in her version of affection. “Of course, you will be joining us, will you not? It shall be an excellent salve for your soul to enjoy our usual revels.” She nodded. “Yes, indeed, I prescribe it. The sooner you return to the way things were, the sooner you shall feel better again.”
This is why we warned you…Olivia heard the unspoken sentiment, and could not blame her friends for thinking it. Nevertheless, what they did not understand—other than Leah, perhaps—was that there was no such thing as returning to the way things were. Everything had changed. Olivia would never be the same again, for even if her heart could be put back together again, it would always bear the cracks of what had happened.
“I will not be joining you,” Olivia said quietly. “While I might agree with your prescription in theory, Matilda, it is too soon. The next ball, perhaps.”
Phoebe reached over and patted Olivia’s back. “Take as long as you need, dear one. Society can wait for your grand reappearance. But I intend to visit you next week, and if you attempt to prevent me from seeing you, I shall climb through the window and hunt you down. I shall bring my sisters, too, so we find you quicker.”
“Dearest Phoebe, you are as wonderful—and welcome—as you are terrifying,” Olivia replied, forcing a chuckle. In truth, she could think of nothing better than being surrounded by her friends again as soon as possible, just not where others could see her shame.
Just then, her mother and father emerged from the Dowager House, their arms linked in a false display of unity.
“Come now, Olivia,” Laura called, her eyes red-rimmed with the tears she must have spilled for her jilted daughter.
Olivia got up and embraced her friends, the five of them forming a tight huddle that held her upright, giving her strength in her weakest moment.
