“I adore you all,” she whispered. “Never let me make such a mistake again, and I promise, I shall do the same for you.”
They held her tighter, until she could barely breathe.
That done, Olivia broke away from her darling friends and, waving back to them, made her way to the carriage that her mother and father were just climbing into.
Reaching the door, where a footman hurried to offer his hand to help her inside, Olivia paused and looked back at the Dowager House. It was still as beautiful as the day she had first seen it, what felt like a lifetime ago, and her heart ached, knowing she would likely never see it again. Or him.
What did I do wrong?she asked herself for the millionth time, but the two people who could have answered her had vanished.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
An evening away from everything he knew, and everything he had wanted, had brought no clarity to Evan’s mind. The sun came up on a new day, yet his mind was still steeped in darkness. Not that he had slept much, with his thoughts so busy. In the end, he had sipped his way through the half-empty contents of an unknown bottle of dark liquor, if only to find some semblance of rest.
Now, his head pounded, he felt very green indeed, and more alone than he had ever felt in his life. He longed to be back at the Dowager House, descending the stairs to breakfast, feeling that thrill in his chest that he might see Olivia sitting there, slathering marmalade on her toast. He longed to wander in the gardens, heading for the rose garden and the fountain, hoping she would be waiting there so he could run to her, hold her, kiss her, and make it all better. But he was too far away, in every respect.
This is what I thought I desired,he considered bitterly, as he sat down by the back door of his hideaway and let the cool air wash over his feverish face.Why did no one tell me that true loneliness hurts like this?
“I am sorry for not allowing you to explain,” he whispered, hoping that, somehow, his words might carry through the trees, all the way to wherever his former betrothed might be. It would not change anything, it could not now, but at least he could pretend she might have said something to warrant forgiveness.
* * *
The carriage had barely made it two miles from the Westyork Estate before Olivia noticed a stark shift in the mood of her mother and father. Her mother seemed to grow paler with every minute, shivering though she had wrapped herself in two blankets. Meanwhile, her father was akin to a pot on the stove with the flames freshly stoked. He had started with stillness, moving into an agitated simmer, but now he was flushed red and sweating, about to boil over.
“I ought to ride to Lisbret House, the very moment I have escorted you both home,” he muttered, glaring through the carriage window at the countryside rolling by. “Something must be done. His father owes me that much, but to disappear in the night—it is cowardice! Cowardice from both!”
Olivia frowned at the outburst. “You know… his father?” She could not bring herself to say his name:Evan. My dear Evan.
“What?” her father snapped, as if he had forgotten he was not alone.
“Do you know my… former betrothed’s father? I was not aware you were acquainted.”
Jeremy paused. “Martin? Why, yes, of course I do. We were friends at Eton and have continued that friendship for decades. I once suspected I was the only friend he had, and now I understand why.” His lip curled into a grimace. “That wretch should, at least, have had the decency to face me and tell me he would fix it!”
Olivia thought back to the moment that Evan had strayed from her side after their lovely dance together. She had seen her father speaking with a gentleman, but the fellow had been unfamiliar to her. As such, she had not understood the reason for Evan’s sudden anger while staring in that direction.
“Were you speaking to him by the ballroom entrance, while my former betrothed and I were dancing?” Olivia pressed.
Jeremy scratched his chin. “Yes, I believe so.”
“Were you speaking with him just before all of the unpleasantness?”
Jeremy nodded. “We were discussing the terms of Martin’s investment, then Evan passed by us, and off Martin went without so much as an “excuse me for a moment.” If I had known it would end like this, I might have stepped in.”
“Martin’sinvestment? What investment?” Olivia jittered upon the squabs, convinced that the missing pieces of her abandonment were about to slot into place.
Jeremy swept a stressed hand through his thinning hair. “I had… an arrangement with my friend, but it is all for naught now. Everything is ruined. He always said his son would be his greatest disappointment, but I thought it was just the usual fatherly chagrin. If I had known he meant it, my goodness, I would never have offered your hand in marriage to that family.”
“So, it was not a chance match?” Olivia’s throat tightened, her hands gripping the edge of the squabs to suppress her rising anger.
Jeremy hesitated. “In a manner of speaking, it was. I had not seen Martin in a long while, but we encountered one another when I was last in Bath. We talked and came to the realization that we both had children with reputations that needed resolving, with the additional benefit of his wealth helping my business ventures. He offered first, of course. I did not beg. But if you mean that your betrothed was known to me, then no, it was not a chance match.” He sighed. “Anyway, it matters not now. Martin promised to invest in my business ventures after the wedding, but that contract is not worth the paper it is written on anymore. No wedding, no deal.”
Olivia exploded. “Is that all that concerns you?” She gripped the velvet squabs harder, fearful that she might spring at her father. “Have you not a single thought for me? Have you not a single thought for how I feel, and how broken my heart is? Mercy, you have never cared, have you? I do not know why I would even hope for your concern, when you have never shown it, not once! My happiness means nothing to you unless it gains you something.”
“Olivia, I—” Her father tried to reach for her hand, but she snatched it back.
“You did not ask me about this match. You did not ask me if I desired marriage, or if I might like to meet Evan to decide if we liked one another!” she hurtled on, tears streaming down her cheeks as she finally lost control. “Iknewthis would happen, and I knew itbecauseof you, because of men like you! You are the reason I never wanted to marry, you are the reason I can never trust any man, you are the reason I know all marriages are doomed to misery and betrayal. All Evan has done is made me doubly certain that it is better and safer to be alone.
“Do you have any notion of what it is like toseeyour father betray your mother? Do you know how my heart has ached, seeing my mother cry because of you and your affairs? You said the other morning that I never asked for your side of the story, and that is because I did not want to hear feeble excuses. I saw you. I have heard the rumors since,” she wheezed, sobbing now. “Of course, you offered my hand to a man who would betray me all the same, embarrassing me, wounding me. He might not have engaged in an affair with someone else, but that does not mean it does not hurt. Yet, you arestillbeing selfish, thinking only of how it affects you!”
