“No, of course it isn’t,” Marina said. “I wish every happiness for you, Eleanor, you know that. No, it’s just that Jacob and I have been friends for such a long time. This isn’t a new relationship, the way yours will be when it happens. We already know all about one another. We love each other deeply because we’ve been in each other’s lives for such a long time.”
“I know that,” Eleanor said. “But if I marry, I’d like it to be something similar to that, Marina. I’d like to marry someone I’ve known long enough to feel trust in. I’d like to marry someone who knows all about me and likes me for the person I am, the way Jacob does with you. That’s why I’m not happy about the idea of Father making the choice for me. I want a marriage based on love, not on who my father believes is best for me, and he won’t take that into account when he makes his decision.”
“Do you know of such a person?” Marina asked. “I don’t mean to make light of your desires, Eleanor, but it sounds as if you’re indulging in a fantasy. There’s nothing wrong with that, of course, but if you don’t know of a gentleman who fits your description, it seems possible that he simply doesn’t exist. Iwouldn’t want you to spend your life waiting for someone who just isn’t there, and I know Father doesn’t want that either. That’s why he’s choosing for you, you know. It’s not because he wants to control you. It’s because he wants to make sure that you find happiness.”
“You give him far too much credit, Marina. My happiness is not a matter of concern to Father. He wants to make sure I marry so that I don’t disgrace him. That’s all he really cares about.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” Marina said.
“I know I’m right.”
“But even so, couldn’t you make an effort to look at the bright side?” Marina suggested. “After all, if you must marry, isn’t it best to have Father to make the arrangements for you? This way you don’t have to worry about it. Surely that’s better than if he forced you into long, drawn-out courtships with gentlemen you weren’t interested in, or to try to attract one of them at a ball. This way you aren’t required to do anything.”
“I’d rather choose for myself than have Father choose for me,” Eleanor said firmly.
“But, Eleanor, who would you choose? There aren’t any gentlemen you’re interested in! I would understand your being like this if you cared for someone and wanted to be with him, but Father’s plan won’t keep you away from anybody you really want, so what’s the problem?”
Eleanor sighed. “I’m still thinking about him, Marina.”
“Thinking about who?” Understanding dawned suddenly on Marina’s face. “You can’t mean the gentleman from the masquerade? The one you told me you spoke to in the garden?”
“Yes, that’s who I mean.”
“Eleanor, that was weeks ago,” Marina said. “And it was one conversation. How can you still be thinking about him after all this time? You’ll probably never see him again—but even if you did, you wouldn’t know it was him, because the two of you didn’t exchange names!”
“I know,” Eleanor said, feeling exasperated. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that?”
“Then wouldn’t it be best to put him out of your mind?”
“I’m sure that would be best,” Eleanor said. “But it’s easier said than done.”
“What was so special about him?” Marina asked. “Why can’t you forget about him? It wasn’t even a very long conversation, you know. I was watching you that night. I saw you go out into the garden, and you’ve told me that you left at midnight.”
“I had to leave at midnight if I was to have any chance at arriving home before Mother and Father did,” Eleanor pointed out. “If there was even a possibility of making it back without theirrealizing I’d been out of the house, I had to try. And it worked, didn’t it? They still don’t realize I was at the masquerade that night.”
“I suppose not,” Marina agreed. “I’m not faulting you for running off when you realized the time. I just can’t see how anyone could have made such a powerful impression on you over the course of such a short meeting. How could it even have been memorable? You only spoke for a few minutes. I don’t rememberanyoneI talked to that night with that kind of clarity—I can’t imagine how I could, after so much time has gone by!”
“The conversation was special,” Eleanor explained.
“But what was so special about it?”
“I don’t know exactly,” Eleanor admitted. “I don’t know how to describe it. I never would have expected a conversation like that at a society function. I would have thought the only connections people would make at parties like that would be shallow and meaningless. But it wasn’t like that at all, Marina. I feel as if I reallyknowhim, even though we spoke for only a short time. And I know it’s odd, because I don’t know who he is, and he doesn’t know who I am. How can I feel as if I know someone when we don’t even know each other’s names? And yet Idofeel that way, and the fact that Father is going to come home any day now and announce that he’s chosen my husband feels terrible. The idea of being married and forever taken away from the possibility of surprisingly pleasant conversations with interesting gentlemen sounds dreadful to me.”
“Interesting gentlemen?” Marina asked knowingly. “Perhaps it’s about this gentleman in particular.”
“Well, perhaps it is,” Eleanor agreed.
“You’d marry him, I think, if Father would allow it.”
“Now you’re being hasty,” Eleanor said. “I haven’t thought about marriage. Not to anyone. Certainly not to a gentleman I spoke to only one time! It’s just that I’d like the chance to get to know him better, that’s all—and I won’t have that chance if I’m married, because what kind of husband would permit his wife to spend her time getting to know another gentleman altogether? It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“It wasn’t appropriate this time,” Marina pointed out. “You really shouldn’t have been in the garden on your own with him. I shudder to think what might have happened to you.”
“Nothing was going to happen,” Eleanor told her sister. “He’s very kind. He wouldn’t have done anything to harm me or damage my reputation.”
“Easy enough to say six weeks after the fact. But it could have happened, Eleanor. You really can’t know for certain.”
“I know that,” Eleanor said. “But there’s no point in dwelling on things that didn’t happen, is there? And there’s no reason for you to worry about my spending time alone with gentlemen inthe future,” she added, “because when will I have the chance to, what with Father marrying me off the way he means to?”
