“I really can’t be upset about Father finding you a marriage when you put it that way,” Marina told her. “I know you don’t like it, Eleanor, but it might be the best thing for you.”
Eleanor groaned. “Now you sound like him.”
“Not everything Father says is cruel, you know. He wanted us both to marry. Well, I’m about to do it, and I can’t imagine being happier.”
“And I’m very happy for you,” Eleanor assured her sister. “Listen to us, going on about my life when yours is the one that’s about to change forever! We should be spending our time talking about you, not about me. You’ll be married to Jacob very soon, and I know you must be excited about it.”
“I am.” Marina blushed. “I feel as if it’s silly, in a way. Jacob has been my dear friend for so long, and his proposal wasn’t exactly a surprise, so it feels a bit wrong to act so enamored of him. It feels as if this moment should be a bit more mundane. But I can’t feel that way about it. I’m too excited at the prospect of becoming his wife. I can’t wait for our lives together to begin.”
“You’re going to have a wonderful marriage,” Eleanor said sincerely. “I couldn’t be happier for you, Marina. And I’ll be thrilled to have Jacob as a brother, too. You know how highly I think of him.”
“I know he likes you a great deal as well,” Marina said. “I’m so glad that we’re all going to be a family.”
The room became silent after that. The sisters had been lying in Marina’s bed together, and after a moment, Eleanor heard the familiar sound of her sister’s snores and knew that she had fallen asleep.
But Eleanor stayed awake, pondering their conversation.
It felt as if no one would ever truly understand the way the gentleman at the masquerade had made her feel. Even Marina, who knew Eleanor better than anyone, didn’t understand it.
Maybe Marina was right. Maybe Eleanor did need to forget all about it and move on.
But right now, it was hard to imagine having feelings for anyone else. How could she, when he had such a hold on her imagination?
CHAPTER SIX
Eleanor was late to breakfast the following morning as a consequence of having fallen asleep in her sister’s room the night before—she had to go all the way back to her own room in the morning to prepare for the day. By the time she was dressed and ready to face her family, they were all gathered around the table. Her father looked up at the sight of her and frowned. “It’s about time you arrived,” he said. “Honestly, Eleanor, I don’t know what to do with you sometimes. I suppose you were lying about in bed wasting the day.”
“I’m sorry, Father,” Eleanor murmured. Though she ordinarily would have been tempted to argue with him, today she simply wanted to get through the meal and get away as quickly as she could. The conversation she’d had with Marina last night about her future and what it might contain had left her feeling deeply uneasy, and she had a strange fear that today might be the day her father would announce he had chosen someone for her. It didn’t make sense, of course—he hadn’t spent time with anyone who might be his choice. There had been no recent parties or social functions. But Eleanor felt as if she was walking aroundwith a cloud hanging over her head that might at any moment break open into a storm. Even though the rain wasn’t falling yet, it was very difficult to enjoy life knowing that it could happen at any moment.
“Don’t be sorry,” her father told her. “Just do better. This is the sort of thing that won’t be acceptable to your husband once you’re married.”
That comment should have made Eleanor feel worse, but it was oddly reassuring. This was the sort of thing her father said to her from time to time—telling her she was somehow unfit for marriage—and so far, it had never been an indicator that he had actually found someone for her. Eleanor knew that he felt this way, and it didn’t bother her to hear it. “Perhaps my husband won’t care whether I’m on time for breakfast or not,” she said, reaching for a piece of bread.
“Oh, Eleanor,” her mother sighed. “None of your arguments today, please.”
Eleanor took a breath to steady herself. The truth was that she knew she was being deliberately difficult—her comment had been designed to provoke her parents. But she also knew that it was the kind of comment that really shouldn’t have upset anybody. There was nothing offensive or wrong about suggesting that she might marry a man who wouldn’t care what time she came to breakfast. If her parents found such a thing too provocative to be borne, maybe they deserved to be provoked.
“I’m not arguing,” she said, which was true, and took a sip of her coffee. “Anyway, I don’t see why we’re talking about me, Father. I’m not that late to breakfast. Shouldn’t we be giving more attention to Marina? She’s the one who has a wedding coming up.”
“I don’t have to worry about Marina,” her father said. “I know she’ll behave herself in any situation. You’re the one I worry about.”
“I don’t mean that we should worry about Marina,” Eleanor said. “I thought we might help her celebrate. Be excited for her.” She had hoped that with her sister’s wedding drawing near, some of the focus might shift away from her. Surely everyone wanted to spend this time discussing Marina’s future instead of Eleanor’s—surely that was the more exciting thing that was going on right now?
Apparently, it wasn’t. Apparently, they were still going to give all their attention to Eleanor. There was no event in the world big enough to distract her parents from their disapproval of her.
“If you wish to talk about your sister’s wedding, we certainly can,” her father said. “In fact, I think we should, because there are going to be many gentlemen there who might prove a good match for you, Eleanor. But no match will be made if you don’t at least make an attempt to win them over. It’s been a very long time since you attended a social function.”
It hadn’t been as long as her father thought it had, because Eleanor had snuck out to the masquerade. But he was right thatshe hadn’t been anywhere since then, and shewasbeginning to feel a bit house-bound. She supposed she was fortunate that she was being allowed to attend at all—they trusted her so little that it wouldn’t have shocked her to be told that Marina’s wedding was off-limits to her. “I appreciate that I’m being allowed to attend,” she said.
“Don’t make me regret it,” her father said. “I want to see you on the dance floor all evening. No lingering beside the food or drinks. No sneaking away into the garden for solitude.”
“Father, I can hardly control how many times I’m asked to dance,” Eleanor protested. “You can’t very well be angry with me if there’s a song during which nobody asks me.”
“I know you far too well, Eleanor,” her father said. “I know the sorts of tricks you’ll resort to.”
“You make me sound like such avillain.”
“Not a villain, just a clever young lady who has no idea what’s best for her and no desire to respect her father’s wishes. You’ll avoid anyone who you feel might ask you to dance, and at the end of the evening you’ll come to me and sayoh, Father, what could I have done about it? Nobody asked me!Well, I know better than to allow that to happen. I’ve spoken to several of the gentlemen who are going to be at the event, and we’ve made arrangements for them to dance with you.”
