“You do not want to hurt your sister,” Anna corrected. “I can understand that, but I cannot approve of you stepping aside if you feel something for him.”
Fear gripped Phoebe’s chest. “You have not told the others of your suspicions, have you?”
“Goodness, no.” Anna put an arm around her friend. “Your secret is safe with me.”
“How did you guess?”
Anna shrugged. “It was not so very difficult. I think I suspected there was something brewing between the pair of you from the moment we stood like this on Leah’s balcony, for you have never responded like that before to any gentleman’s slight. At first, I just thought it was the ruined gown that bothered you, but the more I considered it, the more I doubted myself, because that was unlike you. Slowly, I realized the truth.”
“He kissed me,” Phoebe admitted, her heart sore.
Anna’s eyes widened. “He didwhat?”
With a shaky breath, Phoebe told the story of that night in the gardens, and how his lips had sought hers while they sat together on the bough of the cedar tree. She explained how unexpected it had been, and how surprisingly welcome… only for it to be ruined by his flustered apology and his hurried escape.
“But when I asked Joanna if she loved him,” Phoebe concluded, “and she said she was willing to do all she could to love him in her own way, I knew what I had to do. I promised to put their happiness ahead of my own. I will not break that promise, for it is the most sacred one I made.”
Anna shook her head solemnly. “Do you truly think your mother would want you to sacrifice your own joy? Do you think she would be proud of you, in this moment, or do you think she would pity you?” She paused. “I must add that I do not agree with such… abrupt, ungentlemanly behavior, but it is worse that he abandoned you without an explanation.”
“I wish Mama was here,” Phoebe breathed, swallowing thickly. “I… have never missed her more. It was easier when the twins were little. I had no idea that it would all become so… complicated.”
Anna sighed. “It is not too late to change things. As you have said yourself, and as Joanna has said herself, she does not love him. She thinks he is a ‘nice man.’ There are a thousand similarly ‘nice men’ in Society whom she could do her best to love. Yet, for you, it is the real thing.” She gave Phoebe’s waist an encouraging squeeze. “For once, I think that gives you precedence. And, yes, there might be some hurt feelings, but is it not better to bruise someone’s pride temporarily, knowing it can be healed with time, instead of denying yourself an eternity of happiness?”
“I cannot do it to her,” Phoebe whispered, clasping a hand to her aching heart. “The moment she thinks I am capable of betrayal, she will never trust me again. It is why I have never lied to them.”
Anna peered up at her friend. “She will forgive you. Indeed, it is my belief that she will trust you all the more for being honest, even when it might cause pain. Have some faith in her, Phoebe. She is not the petulant child she once was.”
“She has grown up so much,” Phoebe conceded, so torn that she could not think straight.
Anna nodded. “They both have, and, because of you, they have grown into beautiful, intelligent, agreeable, mostly sensible young ladies. Young ladies who adore you and will not hold a grudge if you tell them that, just once, you must do something for yourself.”
“But Daniel has not suggested he… likes me in return,” Phoebe said.
Anna flashed her a withering look. “I believe the kiss said everything he could not. Even without it, I have seen the way you are together. It is quite obvious that he is besotted with you, for no one quarrels as the two of you do if there are no feelings present.” She hesitated. “I am not the only one who thinks so.”
“I thought you said the others were oblivious!”
Panic fluttered in Phoebe’s stomach once more, prompting her to grip the balustrade of the terrace as a shakiness came over her.
“They are.” Anna smiled. “I was referring to Evan and the Dowager Countess. They both believe what I believe, though they have not said so outright, only in passing. And only with each other. I eavesdropped—I know it is improper, but I am not sorry about it.”
Phoebe’s heart soared and plummeted, all at once. “Amelia sees promise in us?”
“I do believe she is the champion of you both falling in love with one another,” Anna replied, laughing. “If she had her way, this evening’s ball would be transformed into a wedding at once, and you would be marched down the aisle at her side to marry her son. Indeed, she probably adores you more than Daniel himself.”
Phoebe managed a hopeful smile, swiftly tempered with the prospect of finding Joanna, taking her somewhere private, and telling her honestly how she felt about Daniel. She could not bear to see any sort of hurt on Joanna’s face. The mere prospect of it made her want to hide away until all lingering feelings for Daniel had gone.
I cannot do it. I cannot…
She had held herself and her behavior to such a high standard for so long that she did not know if she could reveal to them that, deep down, she was just a flawed young woman who, quite by accident, had begun to fall in love with someone.
“Phoebe, Anna, are you out here?” Matilda emerged onto the terrace, wearing an expression that plunged a javelin of dread right through Phoebe’s chest.
Forgetting everything else, Phoebe rushed to her friend. “Matilda, what is the matter? Has something happened?”
“No, no,” Matilda replied, her voice tight. “Well, not exactly. I was happily lecturing Lord Welch on the singular benefits of rosehip oil, for Olivia and Leah had gone gallivanting with their husbands once again, and Anna had gone in search of you. I was just explaining how a few drops in a hot bath can alleviate many aches and pains when I… um… realized that Joanna was standing alone. I excused myself and looked for Ellen, but I could not see her anywhere. I apologize, dearest Phoebe. I should have been watching her instead of discussing bloody rosehip oil. I asked Joanna where Ellen might be, and she insisted that she did not know, but she had that… furtive look in her eyes that can often be found in young ladies harboring secrets.”
Without another word, Phoebe squeezed past her friend, back into the ballroom, hurrying toward Joanna. To her slight dismay, she found Daniel standing with her sister, but her feelings on that matter would have to wait. Ellen’s whereabouts could not.
