“It is not because I do not trust your opinion,” Olivia hurried to say, her cheeks coloring slightly. “The truth is, we have all watched you suffer and struggle since your sisters debuted. We have seen the strain it has put on you, and when this affection between Daniel and Joanna appeared at Leah’s ball, I… suppose I thought that it would ease the pressure on you. My persuasion, admittedly, has come from a selfish place because… we want you to be able to concentrate on your own life again. There, I have said it.”
Phoebe had to smile. “My dearest friends, my sistersaremy life, and all of you are very close second. I want for nothing but their security and happiness. My own life has already been mapped out for me—when my sisters are married, I shall take care of my father until he is gone, and then… I shall undoubtedly appear on one of your doorsteps and spend the rest of my days looking after your grandchildren, or being your companion.”
“But that is desperately sad!” Anna blurted out.
Phoebe shook her head. “Only if you allow it to be, and I do not intend to.”
“You mean to hold true to that vow we all made?” Leah asked, her face brimming with pity.
Matilda cleared her throat. “Of course, she does. Marriage is not the be-all and end-all. It has served you and Olivia very well, and we shall always be pleased about that, but that does not mean everyone has to marry to be joyful. Of course, I do not agree that you should spend your days taking care of your father, Phoebe, when there are perfectly good professionals who can do so while you enjoy other pursuits, but I will not judge your choices, as I will not judge anyone’s… unless they say women should not be permitted to study, and have smaller minds than men—to those people, I say ‘Fiddlesticks!’ and shall happily judge them for being fools.”
Everyone laughed, the friction in the air disappearing slowly. There was a reason that Matilda was their unofficial leader. She always knew the right thing to say, at the right time, to get everyone back into a state of calm and agreement.
Yet, as the conversation turned to the ball that evening, and whether or not Phoebe would even be able to attend, with her ankle as swollen as it was, Phoebe’s mind replayed what she had said, imagining the life she had to look forward to. The more she considered it, the less agreeable it became, striking a bolt of panic through her heart.
Would that really be it? Would I really be able to endure that?
She pictured the tedium and the solitude, for her father was not a man who spoke often or without reason. She would have her friends, of course, but as she had stated herself, what would happen when their own lives took precedence? What would happen when they began to have children and could no longer gather at a moment’s notice? What would happen when her letters went unanswered for weeks on end?
The loneliness of such an existence chilled her to the bone, while it had never bothered her before, and she suspected there was one man and one embrace that was to blame for it all.
CHAPTERFIFTEEN
“Can I be blunt with you?” Evan asked as he walked through the gardens with Daniel.
They had decided to take a turn together after luncheon, though Daniel suspected his cousin had ulterior motives.
Daniel smiled. “Of course, though that does not mean I will not be blunt in return.”
“I am hoping you will be,” Evan said. “It pertains to Miss Wilson.”
Daniel rolled his eyes. “If I had known we would be discussing this, I would have feigned a headache, for I have no doubt that this shallgiveme a headache. What is it you wish to know about Joanna?”
“Not Joanna,” Evan replied, a sly look in his eyes. “Indeed, I have seen you spend far more time with Phoebe than you have with Joanna, and I was interested to know why. Usually, when a gentleman has decided to court a lady, he tends to want to be near her at all times, yet you could not have been more distant. I suppose I mean to ask if, perhaps, it is not Joanna who has captured your attention at all, but that you have a greater interest in the older Miss Wilson.”
Daniel gaped at his cousin, shocked that he could be hearing out loud the very things that had been racing through his mind since he had returned Phoebe to the manor with her sore ankle. They were private, impossible thoughts—how could Evan just… blurt them out so casually?
Needing a moment to gather himself, and to put an explanation in order, he crunched across the gravel to one of the hundreds of benches that lay throughout the gardens. As he sat down, he looked ahead, cursing under his breath as he noticed the highest boughs of that blasted cedar tree protruding from the next section of the walled gardens, taunting him.
“Am I right?” Evan sat down next to his cousin. “You know you can speak honestly with me. I shall not breathe a word. Why, I have not even mentioned my suspicions to Olivia, and I tell her everything.”
Daniel straightened up, clasping his hands together so he would not fidget. “You are not correct,” he said firmly. “I have already explained this, though perhaps you have not remembered, because you imbibed far too much last night. I must gain Phoebe’s favor to have any hope of marrying Joanna. Phoebe is strict, she is determined, she has decided she does not like me, and I must change that—thatis why I have turned my attention to her.”
“Very well,” Evan said slowly, dubiously. “But why Joanna? Why are you so intent on marrying her, when there are countless other young ladies who would not have a protective sister standing in the way?”
Daniel frowned, for it was a question he had been asking himself, too. A question he did have an answer to, but not a simple one.
“Because she does not care about me.”
“Pardon?” Evan seemed shocked by the revelation.
“She does not care about me. She is not interested in me, only in what I can provide for her,” Daniel explained haltingly, feeling out the reasoning as he spoke. “I do not want a wife who loves me or cares too much for me. I want a wife who is independently spirited, who appreciates my wealth and is amiable enough company, but would… easily move on if something were to happen to me. I want someone who is young and has others to rely on, who would not grieve inconsolably for me if I died. And Joanna will always have Ellen. Twins lean on one another in that way. She will always have Phoebe, too.”
He did not know if he had been too honest, but every time he asked himself the question of why he was going to so much trouble to court Joanna, that was the answer that came to him. She was just the right amount of indifferent, her heart not quite in the right place, her intentions more inclined toward his fortune and fame than him, himself.Thatwas what he needed in a wife, considering the curse that might, at that very moment, be coursing through his blood.
His father had died in his forties, but his grandfather, according to the family history, had died of the same curse in his thirties. His great-grandfather had died on the cusp of thirty, while his great-great-grandfather had died in his fifties. As such, there was no telling how much time Daniel had, if he was also destined to suffer the same fate. Falling in love, marrying a woman who loved him deeply and was deeply loved in return, was simply not an option. He would not put anyone he cared for through the same torture that his mother had endured, losing her beloved.
Evan reached out, putting a hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “Is this because of Uncle Lionel?”
