“Maybe it is,” Edward said. “All I know is that I’ve never felt more compelled to be anywhere in all my life. I’ve got to go right away.”
“If you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go,” Colin urged. “And you may as well set off as soon as possible. There’s no reason to delay.”
Edward smiled. He was grateful to have his brother’s support in this. “I’ll see you soon,” he said. “When you arrive at home. And I know you’ll handle the affairs here wonderfully, Colin. I have no worries at all about how this meeting will be conducted in my absence.”
“Just make sure you tell Lydia everything this time,” Colin said. “Let her know exactly how you feel. I don’t think you’ll get another chance with her if you fail to give her the full and honest truth this time.”
“She’ll get the truth,” Edward promised.
He didn’t think he would be capable of keeping it to himself when he saw her. He was sure that the sight of her face would be enough to bring all of his thoughts and feelings right to the surface.
He went back to his room and gave orders, as quickly as he could, for all of his things to be packed and transferred into his brother’s custody. He also requested that a horse be made ready for immediate departure, and by the time he had changed into attire appropriate for riding and gone back downstairs, the horse was ready.
It would be a long journey, he knew, but when he finally reached Lydia’s side, it would all be worth it. He would be able to confess his love to her, at last.
He felt mad. How could he have possibly missed the fact that he felt this way for so long? How could he not have noticed? He was used to being clever, to having a keen eye for detail—it was bizarre to him that he could have overlooked something so obvious and important.
But then, maybe it was understandable. He had never been in love before. He hadn’t been prepared for the way it was going to feel.
And he hadn’t wanted to feel it. But now that it was happening, he couldn’t imagine wanting anything more. He was desperately grateful that he had discovered his feelings for Lydia, and that—he hoped—it wasn’t too late to convince her to return them.
What will I do if it is too late? How will I handle that?
He couldn’t think about it. He wouldn’t borrow trouble—not until he knew for certain, one way or the other. All he had to think about right now was getting home to her and confessing the truth about his feelings. She would return them, or she wouldn’t. And Colin was right. He was lucky to know that there had been a time, and not so long ago, when she had loved him.
If she had loved him once, she might love him still. It was a thing worth hoping for, and Edward would hope.
The journey home took several days. Every night, Edward stopped at an inn and lay awake for much of the night, wishing that he could somehow have remained on the road. It was unsafe to go on riding after dark, he knew, and it would be wrong to try to push his horse that hard. It would ultimately end in disaster. And yet, every moment that wasn’t spent drawing closer to Lydia felt like a moment catastrophically wasted. He needed to be on the road. He needed to be riding to her.
I should never have left her behind! I can’t believe what a fool I’ve been. I thought I was so much smarter than this.
The final day was the most torturous. He drew close to London, knowing that he would be with her by the time the sun went down and that at last he would have her answer. Either the two of them would declare their love for one another, or else he would discover that he had made a fatal error and waited too long to understand the depths of his own feelings.
If it was the second outcome… he didn’t think he could bear it. It would crush him. But all he could do was get there as quickly as possible, with all the hope he held in his heart, and ask her the question that was on his mind.
With that thought in mind, he crossed the last of the distance and rode back up to Westfrey, feeling more nervous and uncertain than he ever had in his life.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-FOUR
For a moment, after he stepped through the front door, Edward didn’t understand what he was seeing.
The house was in complete turmoil. Members of staff were running around as if it was the first day they had ever had their jobs, as if they had no idea what their responsibilities were. They seemed frantic, and for a moment, Edward wasn’t sure how to inject himself into the proceedings to find out what was going on. It seemed impossible to get them to stop what they were doing.
Finally, he caught sight of Mr. Bradford. The butler was hurrying toward the staff quarters, but Edward caught him by the arm. “Bradford, what on earth is going on? What’s the meaning of all this excitement?”
“Your Grace!” Bradford started. “You weren’t expected home for another week! We sent a letter, but we didn’t know whether it would reach you before you left Bath. But it can’t have gotten to you already.”
“I didn’t receive a letter,” Edward said uneasily. “Is something the matter?”
“It’s the Duchess, Your Grace,” Mr. Bradford explained. “She’s fallen ill. The physician is expected later today. We’ve done our best to care for her in the meantime. As you can see, the house is a bit… disordered. I apologize for the state of things.”
“Never mind the state of things,” Edward replied. “What’s the matter with Lydia?”
“We don’t know, I’m afraid,” Mr. Bradford said. “She became suddenly ill a few days ago. As far as anyone knows, she was fine before that.”
“Days?” Edward repeated. “Lydia has been ill for days, and you’re only now contacting a physician?”
“Well, we wanted to do it right away, Your Grace, but she ordered us not to,” Mr. Bradford said helplessly. “She said that she needed to sleep, and if she could do that, she would be all right. She made us promise not to write to you or to send for the physician. But when she wasn’t any better the next day, she agreed that we could write to you. It was only last night that she gave her permission for the physician to be sent for.”
