“But I care about you. Whatever this is, perhaps talking to me would be helpful.”
“It would not be helpful.”
“How do you know until you try? Edward, we might not be in love, but we are still partners, aren’t we? We’re together through all of life’s trials. You should be able to confide in me about something like this.”
“A man has to have some things that are his alone. You don’t understand this.”
“Because I’m a lady, I don’t understand the need for privacy? I understand more than you think, Edward, and I’m asking you to tell me what’s behind all this.”
“And why should I do that?”
“If it’s not enough for you to imagine that it might be helpful to open up to someone, how about this? If I know the truth, I won’t ask you to dance again. I’ll support you in your vow. I only ask in exchange that you let me knowwhy.”
It really was a very fair thing to ask when she put it that way. He didn’t want to open up to Lydia about this, but perhaps she was right when she said that she had a right to the information.
“Very well,” he said. “You’ve convinced me. I’ll tell you the reason I vowed never to dance.”
CHAPTERTWENTY
“It all began with my mother,” Edward said.
“You never talk about her,” Lydia noted.
“I find it very difficult to talk about her.” Edward’s voice was tight.
“Were the two of you close?”
“We were very close. I was fairly close with both of my parents during their lives, but my mother especially. She truly cared for me and for Colin as well. When she died, we grieved very intensely.”
“I’m so sorry,” Lydia said. “I can only imagine what that must have been like for you.”
“Awful. Purely awful. But I have so many fond memories of her during her life,” Edward explained. “I was lucky to have her as long as I did.”
“How does the story begin with her?” Lydia asked.
“Because she’s the one who taught me to dance in the first place,” Edward replied. “She did it with both of us—me and Colin—when we were young. Every weekend, she would take us to the conservatory, and we would practice dancing. She said it was to prepare us for when we were older, when it was time for us to dance with young ladies at balls. But for me, it was the time I spent with my mother. I never thought about balls or romance during those afternoons. I only thought about how wonderful it was to have my mother’s full attention, to laugh with my brother, and to forget the stresses of the dukedom and have a good time with the people I loved best.”
“That sounds wonderful,” Lydia said. “I never had anything like that with anyone in my family.”
“Of course, it was all gone after she died,” Edward lamented. “I couldn’t set foot in the conservatory for years after that. I never even mentioned those afternoons to Colin.”
“But Colin knows,” Lydia said. “He knows that’s the reason you don’t want to dance anymore. He even knows that you made a vow about it. How could he know all that if you never so much as mentioned it to him?”
“My brother is very observant,” Edward explained. “He noticed that I stopped wanting anything to do with dance or music, and one day, he asked me about it. I tried to deny that he had noticed anything at all, of course, but he pressed me, and I was forced to admit the truth.” He sighed. “He’s been nothing but respectful and always kept my secret for me. He knows how embarrassed I would be if it ever got out that I had promised myself I would never dance again simply because doing so makes me too sad, and I can’t bear it.”
“But that’s nothing to be embarrassed of,” Lydia argued. “Of course it would make you sad, Edward. That was something very special that you shared with your mother, and when she died, it was taken away. That would make anybody sad. I don’t think you have anything to be ashamed of.”
“You’re very kind,” Edward said quietly.
“Is that why you didn’t want to tell me?” Lydia asked. “Did you imagine I would think less of you for this?”
“Perhaps.”
“I wouldn’t. Of course I wouldn’t. If anything, it helps me to know a bit better the kind of man you are. I’m glad to know you better, Edward. I’m glad you trusted me with this. And we don’t have to dance together. Not ever, if you don’t want to.”
“You would put up with that?”
“You’re my husband,” she said simply.
