“Don’t you have somewhere else you need to be?” he asked. “Wouldn’t you like to be socializing with Nancy right now? Or Margaret—the two of you have hardly spent any time together since we arrived here, and I know she was looking forward to being able to bring you to the ball. This means a lot to her. You should go and find her.”
“No,” Lydia said. “No, I want to sit here with you, Edward. Please.”
He sighed. He wanted to tell her no yet again, but he didn’t feel as if he could. After all, shewashis wife. He got to his feet and made a space for her to sit down beside him.
She sat. “You left in an awful hurry,” she told him.
“It’s like I said, I needed some air.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe? Are you saying you think I’m lying about it?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “You seemed disturbed when we danced together, and that does make me wonder whether something might have happened to upset you. Were you wishing we hadn’t danced?”
Yes.
“It’s fine that we shared a dance,” he replied, although it wasn’t. “I had a good time,” he added, and that part was true.
“Then why? Why did you run off? They were going to play another song. We could have danced again.”
“One was enough,” he said. “More than enough.”
“And what if one wasn’t enough for me?”
He looked up at her. “You’re very demanding,” he said. “Has anyone ever mentioned to you how demanding you are?”
“They’ve told me that I insist too much on having my own way,” she replied, clearly unbothered by the accusation. “But I don’t think I’ve done that to you, Edward. In all the time we’ve been married, everything has been your way.”
“Has it? Was it my idea to build an orangery behind the house?”
“Perhaps not, but was itmyidea to be part of a loveless marriage? To never have a family or know my husband’s touch?”
He looked down at his feet. “I told you this wasn’t negotiable.”
“You did, and I let it go, but now I want you to dance with me,” she said gently. “Will you deny me that too?”
He shook his head. “I can’t,” he replied. “I can’t do what you’re asking of me. I’m sorry.”
“I know you can’t,” she said. “I knew you wouldn’t. You’ve made some sort of vow, isn’t that right? You’ve promised not to dance with a lady. Not even me, your wife, even though I long for it. I don’t understand how you can have made this promise before we even knew one another, but apparently you did.”
He stared. “How do you know about that?”
“Edward. Whatever this is, you can confide in me about it. You can tell me the truth.”
“No. Tell me. At once.” His blood was beginning to boil. “Have you been spying on me?”
“Of course, I haven’t. I would never invade your privacy that way. That isn’t the sort of lady I am, Edward.”
“Tell me how you found out about my vow, then.”
“Colin,” she said. “Colin told me. But he wouldn’t tell me why. He told me he was shocked to see us dancing together because he had never expected to see you dance with anyone because of your vow. But he couldn’t explain what was behind that vow—or rather he seemed as though he could have if he had wanted to, but he didn’t want to. He seemed to be telling me that it wasn’t his place and that he didn’t want to share your secrets.”
“He’s shared enough of my secrets for someone who doesn’t want to do that,” Edward grumbled. “I can’t believe he told you about the vow. That’s a very personal thing, and I don’t know if I wish to discuss it with you at all.”
“But I’m your wife,” Lydia protested. “And if what he says is true, if you’re really never going to dance with me in all our time together, don’t you think I have a right to know why? Don’t you think that’s my business as well as your own? I’m only asking you to explain the reason for your vow, after all. You can surely do that much for me, Edward.”
“This isn’t something I talk about,” he said firmly. “Not to anyone. Not ever.”
